Today I start my 36th year on this planet. Meaning that today, I also turned 35 years old.
I don’t feel any different now that I’m legally allowed to be president of the United States and I don’t know if I should. For some reason I kind of feel like 35 is some sort of milestone. I doubt that it is.
I used to think getting older was cool. After I turned 25 and realized I had nothing else to look forward to until retirement my views changed. I mean, really. At 16 you get your license. 18 your freedom. 21 you can drink. 25 your insurance rates go down and you can rent a car. Then what? Nothing until you’re 65. It’s bullshit. Bullshit!
So anyway, 35. Lets look in the rearview, shall we? What have I accomplished in life?
Well, not much honestly. Then again, I never set out to do much. My only goal in life has been to be happy.
I was born in Detroit. Six weeks later we moved to a Toledo suburb just north of the Ohio border. Five years later we moved to a Cincinnati suburb in northern Kentucky.
Most of my childhood was a happy childhood. I have fond memories of growing up in NKY. I had many friends in our subdivision, and I loved the school I attended. When I turned 12, it all hit the fan.
We moved to a suburb in Atlanta when I was 12 and I was devastated. I was starting life completely over. It took me a long time to get over that move and the loss of so many friends, but I did it. I eventually formed a whole new group of friends which I consequently lost 2 years later when we moved again. This time to a farm town in BFE Ohio called Washington Court House. And the cycle continued on.
I moved several more times during my school years. I ended up attending 3 different elementary schools, 3 different middles schools, and 4 different high schools. And, no, my dad was not in the military. At least, not for all of those moves.
When I ponder my anti-social tendencies, I look to those numbers. I eventually stopped trying to make friends and withdrew into myself. I figured if I didn’t make friends it wouldn’t hurt when I moved again. Unfortunately, I may still harbor some of those tendencies today.
When I was 19, we finally moved back to NKY and, except for a brief 8 month fiasco where we tried to move back to Detroit, I have been in NKY ever since. I became a very proud father of twin boys when I was 22. I also was married for the first time that year.
I don’t want to get into specifics, but that marriage was doomed from the start. It was entirely based on my fear of her becoming suicidal if I tried to leave. I just couldn’t live with myself if she had hurt herself if I left. It took 9 years, but I eventually got to the point where I was tired of being held hostage and finally told her I’d had enough. She didn’t get suicidal this time. She was maniacal instead. I was verbally abused and assaulted. The problem was that she left no marks because she was so weak so there was no evidence to prove I’d been assaulted. The broken picture frame on the floor (which she threw at me) was proof of nothing either, apparently.
I met my current wife on MySpace, of all places. It was just a random friend request that turned into a friendship that eventually turned into something more. I love her dearly and I can’t tell you how relieved I am to actually have a partner whom I can tell anything without fear of drama, anger, and/or violence. It took me a long time to learn to open up to my wife after having been conditioned to hold everything inside for so long. Sometimes I still don’t share everything that I should and I still don’t know why.
My big accomplishments in life are my children. All three are wonderful, smart, funny, and infuriating boys. I love them more than anything or anyone else. They are my reason for being. I love spending time with them and I love watching them grow. Sure, they drive me nuts often times, but they also bring me immeasurable joy and happiness. If I knew then what I know now I still would have gone through that shitty marriage so I could have my twins. They are that awesome.
I don’t know what the future holds for me. Hopefully during my 36th year certain things will fall into place and allow the plans my wife and I have to come to fruition. Times are tough right now, not just for us, but for everyone. We’ll see.
I don’t know what I meant this post to be. It started as a “hey, it’s my birthday” post and turned into a meandering shitstorm that clashed with a big bunch of suck. Oh, well. If you made it this far I guess that’s my birthday present from you, dear reader.
Thanks for reading. This post is the suck…