My family is full of black sheep

So I was chillin’ at work this afternoon, catching up on my blog reading because 1) I had completed my work for today and 2) fuck work!  
Suddenly my wife instant messaged me and the following exchange ensued:
 Superbitch:  sometimes i wonder about your dad
 me:  I quit doing that a long time ago…it’s not worth the effort
 Superbitch:  He was here cause the dog is going to vet. we got Klondike bars. he told Baby A to put them in fridge… not the freezer, fridge.
 me:  ugh…he’s going senile…
 Superbitch:  what worse is, Baby A did it!
 me:  that figures…
 Superbitch:  Uh huh
 me:  my family is full of black sheep
 Superbitch:  What’s Baby A’s excuse?
 me:  he got bad genes from his mom
 Superbitch:  Lol
 me:  hey, my genes can only do so much, you know?

So that’s awesome  My dad told my 13-year old son to put ice cream bars in the fridge and he complied without question.

Yesterday we had an event at the house.  The roof over the bay window at the house leaked through the ceiling…and onto the entertainment center.  Luckily my wife and the twins were home yesterday when this happened and were able to move everything away from the leak.

Last night, after a repair man had fixed the roof and patched the dry wall, my dad and I started piecing the living room back together.  I was behind the entertainment center hooking the cables back up to the TV, but I was having trouble seeing anything back there because it was dark.  I reflexively reached for my phone, which has an app on it that turns the camera flash into a flashlight.  Then I remembered Baby C had it because he was eating and will only eat if he’s watching Elmo.

So my dad went and grabbed his phone and shoved it right in front of the connections on the back of the TV.  Not only was this not helpful because his phone is so huge it was completely blocking my vision, but the light from his screen was insufficient.  So I yanked the phone from his hand and downloaded the Galaxy Torch app for his phone.

Once downloaded I was able to utilize his phone as a flashlight.  Once my dad had noticed what I had done he was amazed.

“It turns your phone into a flashlight?” he asked like an excited child.

“Yup,” I answered.

“I gotta get that for my phone!”

“Dad, this is your phone,” I deadpanned.

“Oh, yeah.”

Un bouffon.

Oy vey.  Sometimes it’s extremely difficult being the only intelligent person participating in a conversation.

About Twindaddy (337 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

18 Comments on My family is full of black sheep

  1. Makes ya wonder if intelligence skips a generation. My 12 year old nephew would have done the same damn thing with the Klondike bars.


  2. My son would have eaten the Klondike bars.


  3. Picture this: My son, when he was 18 years old. Drove an older Honda. I notice he needs gas cause the needle is on empty so I tell him “get gas”. He leaves for school. I get a call later that day, :Dad, there’s something wrong with my car, I think it’s out of oil”. “Why do you think that?” I say. “Because it just stopped”. “Did you put gas in it?” “No DAD, the little light hasn’t come on”. “Your car doesn’t have the little light, it’s old”. “Don’t they all have the little light?” He said in a different tone…
    It just gets better and better dude. Buckle up!


  4. Phone apps completely escape fathers. My dad and I have the same phone models. I downloaded a whole bunch of apps and customized the look. Last week he asks me “Hey did you get a new phone?”
    “No, it’s the same one. Just like yours.” I hand it to him
    He looks through it “But my phone can’t do this!” Scrolls down “Why doesn’t mine do that?!” Scratches head


  5. Uhhhhhhh….that’s YOUR dad….


  6. That’s good stuph. I love shit like that. Like when my wife said the vacuum cleaner was broke, yet she forgot to plug it in. She even pushed the reset button on the outlet not even realizing then that it wasn’t plugged in. WOW.


  7. Oh wait, the best ever… I had a girlfriend a few years back. We were watching Oh Brother Where Art Though? and it got to the scene where the black dude Tommy was about to be killed by the KKK. John Goodman takes his hood off and my girlfriend goes, “Oh, they’re white.”


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