How to get a sidekick

[Editor’s Note: Another day, another guest post.  This post comes courtesy of NotQuiteAlice.  She is the second Alice I’ve met from Wonderland and it makes me wonder (see what I did there?) just what the hell is going on down there and just how many Wonderlands there are.  Thank you, Alice, for sharing your story here.]

You might think it’s a rather unusual friendship, I however see it as just right. Mr. Murphy has been most inconsiderate lately, taking out his rage upon me.   So when I felt that this meeting was serendipity, fate at its finest.  I was looking for the perfect fit, and it found me. Watson to Holmes; Toto to Dorothy; Spock to Kirk; Luke to Obi-Wan; C-3PO to R2D2; Pinky to Brain; Companion to Dr. Who; well you get the picture.

It’s hard to say exactly how he came to be in my life, for he just sort of appeared.  One moment everything is going wrong, and the next thing I know, my life has a meaning.  I have a best friend, and he is the bestest of friends.

It was fate really that drew us together I believe.  It was one of those days you wish you could forget and go back to sleep, but then something happens, and it made getting out of bed worth it. Meeting him was what was worth it.  There he was, just sitting there, wrapped up like a mummy, yet with the dash of class I couldn’t resist. He had a top hat, monocle, handlebar mustache, and there, sitting in his hands, was a gorgeous octopus.  I never thought that walking down the street; I would see this spectacle sitting at the bus stop.

Ok, best way to approach? Hmm. Don’t like talking to strangers, but hello! He has an octopus, you’ve been wanting one since you were what, 5? Ok, you can do this. I know you can, just walk over and say hi. No, I can’t say hi, everyone says hi, I’ll look like such a dork. Too late, I already am.  Ok, I need to catch his attention. Ok I know! I’ll sit down. Sitting down is good, right? I can do sitting. I know I can. Ok girl, go and sit on the bench.

As I go to sit on the bench, I perform what can only be described as a “me moment.” I trip over my own two feet, and land across his feet. Real smooth, like Ex-lax. No dorkism there at all.

“What the frak you freak? You could have killed Klaus.”

Oh great, not only am I a dork who excels at launching herself through the air to land on feet, I’m going to be known as the almost murderess of Klaus. Wait!? Who is Klaus?

“Yes, it’s my whole goal in life to throw myself at unsuspecting people’s feet, and kill all the Klaus’s in the world. It’s what freaks like I do.”

“Obviously, because you almost succeeded in ending the life of this one.  Poor Klaus. He had only just gotten over the last near death experience, only to have your klutztastic and spastic skills cause his yet short life to flash before his eyes. Again!”

“Perhaps if you didn’t leave your mummy bandages laying all over the sidewalk, I wouldn’t find it so necessary to launch myself through space and time to land upon your Klaus.  Who the frak is Klaus anyways?”

“Klaus is this little guy. He is a vulgaris, a species of octopus. No, he is not venomous, though at this moment, I do utterly wish he was, so he could deal with potential murderesses like you.”

And here, I was just thinking to myself how charming this guy would be.

“Yes, because my whole existence is to make sure I wipe the earth clean of any and all mummies and their octopi.”

“I do not doubt that those are your intentions.”

“And until now I have been successful, yet you have foiled my plans.  I am now facing a major setback in plans for taking over the world.  Now I’ll have to be flogged for my mistakes and be forced to change tactics.”

“Yes, I can see how just little old me, with my sidekick Klaus have stopped you on your scheme to eradicate us from existence. Perhaps you shall choose a new career path now and leave us alone.”

“Sadly I’m afraid that it’s not an option. I shall continue, but you must be joining me on my new endeavor. After all, it was your fault, as you so humbly pointed out, that this plot has unraveled, and thus I’ll need your input on how the others shall not.”

“Am I to assume that if I do not cooperate with this said endeavor, that you shall somehow or another force me to join you?”

“I did come close to ending poor Klaus’s life, I do believe with a little more forethought, his life could just, well, vanish.”

“Now that you are twisting my arm, if I must, I must. Would be such a waste, after all, to let my talents go to waste.”

Wait!? Talents, not only does he have an octopus, the steampunk clothing, a mustache, and he wants to go along with me, he has talents!? Oh could this day get any better? Please Murphy, stay away today. Tomorrow you can visit as you usually do, but today, please, stay at home.

“That all depends, would these talents be of any use to me and my schemes?”

“That remains to be seen, but I do have this device that is rather handy for traveling to other dimensions and times.”

I swear I could die happily now. Steampunk, octopi, mustaches, and a time traveling device!

“Very well, we may be able to put that device to use, but be warned, if you get in my way, pain. Lots and lots of pain will come your way, as well as a flogging or two. This taking over the world business is rather serious. You can lose an eye. Well, come along then, my car is down the street.”

Kind of amusing. It was as simple as having a unique banter with the most unique and dashing person I’ve yet to come across, and now we are inseparable.  I’ve found that other half, my “mirror twin” in life, and I’ve yet to figure out how I have made it through life without him. We were made for each other, and the adventures we have been on, oh my. Just wait, those stories are to follow, this was just letting you know how we met.

After all, it’s not every day that you run across your very own Lando or Han Solo to go adventuring with, let alone one as dashing as Mummy. He’s everything you could want and more. And oh my, the trips we’ve gone on, and the plots we’ve schemed. I hope you get comfortable; this is going to be a while.