Five is a Four Letter Word

Baby C is an amazing boy.  He is an extremely intelligent and hilarious boy.  He’s always laughing and learning new things.  At just over two years old he has a pretty vast vocabulary already and can count to 11.

Baby C Trooper

And he’s so damn cute!

Last night after dinner we were playing.  He likes to be chased.  So I chase him until he gets stuck in a corner and then he covers his eyes to hide.  While he’s “hiding” I look frantically around in desperate search of him.  “Where’s Baby C?” I’ll say confusedly.  Then he makes his getaway laughing and screaming with glee and excitement.  I eventually catch him, take him over to the couch, make him count to three, and then drop him on the couch cushions, and then we start the chase all over again.

We were doing this last night, but it was a bit different.  Normally I have to prompt him to count to three, but last night he was counting all on his own.  Then one time he kept on going.  All the way up to eleven.  And he was counting on his fingers, which I’ve never seen him do before.  I watched in amazement as he counted all of his fingers on each hand.

There was a troublesome moment, however.  But Twindaddy, your two-year old is counting so well!  What could the problem be?  Thank you for asking, dearest reader, I was just getting to that.  You see, Baby C’s pronunciation hasn’t quite caught up to all the words and numbers he knows, so this is how the counting went last night.

Baby C: One. Two. Free. Four. Fuck…

Me: Five?

Baby C: Fuck.

Me: FIVE?!?!

Baby C: FUCK!

Me:  Fuck…



He then continued counting to eleven, and then with help from me, all the way to twenty.

Needless to say, I’m going to have to rectify this somehow.  Sure, it’s extremely hilarious now, but the next time I’m out in public with him it will be a problem.  He counts all the time.  He counts everything.  And if he sees five of something he’s sure to start using profane language.  And how will it look when I’m laughing instead of correcting him?  Not too good, dearest reader.  Not good at all.

It’s audience participation time!  What funny things did your children do when they were growing up?  Or, if you don’t have children, how about a niece, nephew, or just some random child that you know?

About Twindaddy (337 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

58 Comments on Five is a Four Letter Word

  1. Hahahaha. I’ve heard stories of one of my brothers doing that….in the YMCA bathroom of all places.


  2. We went through that, but it was with the word truck. Garbage fuck. Fire fuck. Pick-up fuck. On and on and on. So embarrassing.


  3. That was hilarious- give Baby C a ‘high FIVE’ for me, would ya? My niece used to pretend her baby doll was singing, she’d screech the alphabet song in the highest pitch she could. And she’d sing to people in stores, in parks, in the car- it made our ears ring but she was so darn proud!


  4. I think when he does it in public, you should turn to the first offended person and ask “You got a fuckin problem with that?”


  5. When my daughter was three, we were driving around on errands and she was in the car seat. I asked where she wanted to go have lunch and gave her a couple of options to choose from. From the back seat, this innocent little girl voice says decidedly, “Aw fuck it. Let’s go to Burger King.”

    I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard.

    So think of it this way, at least when he’s saying fuck, it’s because he can’t quite pronounce five. When mine said it, she said it appropriately and in context.

    Stellar parenting, right here. I should win some sort of award.


  6. This is just too funny. Thanks! Once my youngest son yelled in the check out line at Walmart “Mommy, maybe if you weren’t drunk all the time, you wouldn’t hit me so much”- He was 16 when he did that, and started laughing his ass off….. So did I. Where do you suppose he gets that wicked sense of humor that tends to embarrass others? Certainly not from me.


  7. That’s funny as hell TW! Like father, like son.
    At the risk of repeating myself (like old fuckers do), I’ll tell you about my granddaughter (she was two at the time). We were in grocery store parking lot. It was summer at the time and the windows were rolled down. Just as we were getting ready to pull into a parking spot some douche in a bmw cut in front of us and took the spot. From the back seat sweet little Bijoux yelled “Hey Fucker!” I didn’t even try to hold back the laughter; and I nearly peed myself.
    When her dad (my son) was a rock star, he never held back on his language. We would be out to dinner or in a store and he’s all “fuck, fuck, fuck, everything”. As you know, I’m all about expressing myself but I always asked him to tone it down a bit when we were out back then. Now he is a father of three and when we visit it’s HIM who’s saying “dad! the kids!”
    Fuckin’ perspective.


  8. So funny! A friend of my wife’s posted a video on YouTube a few years ago of her daughter in their kitchen, waving a fork around, and yelling “Fork Fork Fork Fork!” Yeah… it didn’t sound like fork at all. Super cute, ridiculously hilarious. Thanks for sharing the laugh today!


  9. Now that I’ve finished crying with laughter (especially at your comment ‘HIGH FUCK YEAH!!’) I can continue.

    When our son was toddler, we were in the car on the way home, totally engrossed in a conversation I can’t quite remember, when he piped up with his cute voice and innocent face, hands raised and said something with fuck in the garbled sentence. We laughed, it was hard not to.

    Or the time we were on the bus to the city and had just reached our stop when a rather large woman got on before we’d a chance to get off. He pointed at her and said ‘look at the fat lady mummy.’ Let’s just say I dragged him off quickly and didn’t look back.


  10. He’s clearly brilliant. Pretty soon he’ll be counting up to twenty-fuck. Which is impressive because he only has twenty fingers and toes.
    I have so many stories, but my favourite is of my niece. She was 20 months old and we were in the park by the beach. We ran through a flock of seagulls and they all took off, flying around our heads. She squeeled with glee and yelled out “oh fucking hell” in perfect clarity. I almost wet myself with laughter. My brother (her Dad) was mortified.


  11. Wait until he puts his hand up to a stranger and says, “Give me a high fuck”


  12. There’s nothing wrong with profanity, dearest Elyse.


  13. When my nephew was about 2 (he’s 4 now, but that story will be in a moment, this one first), he learned he could watch Winnie the Pooh in different languages, he became obsessed with the sing song sound of the Arabic language. You should find it, but it sounds funny to see a little kid running around yelling the f-bomb as he is pretending to be pooh.
    Now he’s just learned at school on how to get out of punishment. “You know you’re not suppose to do that right, it’s bad.” “I know, but I’m trying to be good.” And it gets him off. He tried that when he got yelled at for knocking over his sister who is learning how to walk, it didn’t go well. He was in his room. Apparently knocking her over and laughing like a hyena is his new kick.


  14. Okay, there is no swearing in my story, but . . . we were taking my sister to her pottery class after school when we passed a tudor house that was being removated. My mum said “that tudor house will look lovely when it is done up.” There was a moment of silence and then my sister said “but won’t it smell a bit fishy?” It took us a while to work out that she thought my mum had said ‘tuna’ house.


  15. This post was magnificent!
    Your title alone was so cool it gave me a headache!
    And of course Baby C is cool; look at his family line!


  16. Haha! I can’t stop laughing! Your son is the cutest!


  17. Oh the joy of words and how they come out of a child’s mouth. My oldest loved a certain episode of Thomas & Friends and he would ask us to play it all the time. This episode was a ton of fun and we would let him watch it when his brother would take a nap and we wanted him to have “down time”. The problem was that one word did not come out quite right, the name of the episode? Chocolate Percy.


  18. *groan* I did that, too… and my siblings will never ever let me forget it. Maybe it’s a thing with wonderfully behaved children? We just love everyone so much that we want to share a gift of ourselves? On their walls? 😉


  19. My little sister would point at strangers and tell them that they should poop to feel better. Not just sometimes, or some people– all people, all the time. It was hysterical the first few times, then a little embarrassing, and then hysterical all over again. 😉 I loved this post. It’s hilarious!


  20. My younger niece is autistic and doesn’t speak much, and when she does, most of it isn’t very clear. It took us a little while to work out that her “ubadubsake” was her repeating what she’d heard her father (my brother-in-law) say when he is playing on his X-box games, which is of course “oh, for f***s sake”. It’s kind of funny, but I do think the whole family is hoping and praying that this particular phrase won’t get any clearer!


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