Baby C is an amazing boy. He is an extremely intelligent and hilarious boy. He’s always laughing and learning new things. At just over two years old he has a pretty vast vocabulary already and can count to 11.
Last night after dinner we were playing. He likes to be chased. So I chase him until he gets stuck in a corner and then he covers his eyes to hide. While he’s “hiding” I look frantically around in desperate search of him. “Where’s Baby C?” I’ll say confusedly. Then he makes his getaway laughing and screaming with glee and excitement. I eventually catch him, take him over to the couch, make him count to three, and then drop him on the couch cushions, and then we start the chase all over again.
We were doing this last night, but it was a bit different. Normally I have to prompt him to count to three, but last night he was counting all on his own. Then one time he kept on going. All the way up to eleven. And he was counting on his fingers, which I’ve never seen him do before. I watched in amazement as he counted all of his fingers on each hand.
There was a troublesome moment, however. But Twindaddy, your two-year old is counting so well! What could the problem be? Thank you for asking, dearest reader, I was just getting to that. You see, Baby C’s pronunciation hasn’t quite caught up to all the words and numbers he knows, so this is how the counting went last night.
Baby C: One. Two. Free. Four. Fuck…
Me: Five?
Baby C: Fuck.
Me: FIVE?!?!
Baby C: FUCK!
Me: Fuck…
He then continued counting to eleven, and then with help from me, all the way to twenty.
Needless to say, I’m going to have to rectify this somehow. Sure, it’s extremely hilarious now, but the next time I’m out in public with him it will be a problem. He counts all the time. He counts everything. And if he sees five of something he’s sure to start using profane language. And how will it look when I’m laughing instead of correcting him? Not too good, dearest reader. Not good at all.
It’s audience participation time! What funny things did your children do when they were growing up? Or, if you don’t have children, how about a niece, nephew, or just some random child that you know?
Mental Defecation 
Twindaddy,
Now that’s a sweet post… One time, our very calm and well behaved daughter took off her diaper while she was taking a nap… She also took a dump, and painted the bedroom walls in “feces brown”… Yes, she did.
Le Clown
LikeLike
Hahahaha. I’ve heard stories of one of my brothers doing that….in the YMCA bathroom of all places.
LikeLike
We went through that, but it was with the word truck. Garbage fuck. Fire fuck. Pick-up fuck. On and on and on. So embarrassing.
LikeLike
Embarrassing, but funny.
LikeLike
Seriously funny.
LikeLike
That was hilarious- give Baby C a ‘high FIVE’ for me, would ya? My niece used to pretend her baby doll was singing, she’d screech the alphabet song in the highest pitch she could. And she’d sing to people in stores, in parks, in the car- it made our ears ring but she was so darn proud!
LikeLike
Oh, clever. GIMME FUCK! YEAH!!
LikeLike
He’d sure surprise the relatives!!!
LikeLike
They’d laugh…after I explained it to them.
LikeLike
I think when he does it in public, you should turn to the first offended person and ask “You got a fuckin problem with that?”
LikeLike
If I’m not busy laughing I might.
LikeLike
When my daughter was three, we were driving around on errands and she was in the car seat. I asked where she wanted to go have lunch and gave her a couple of options to choose from. From the back seat, this innocent little girl voice says decidedly, “Aw fuck it. Let’s go to Burger King.”
I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard.
So think of it this way, at least when he’s saying fuck, it’s because he can’t quite pronounce five. When mine said it, she said it appropriately and in context.
Stellar parenting, right here. I should win some sort of award.
LikeLike
That is….AWESOME!!! I love your kid.
LikeLike
Me too!
LikeLike
Lol
LikeLike
This is just too funny. Thanks! Once my youngest son yelled in the check out line at Walmart “Mommy, maybe if you weren’t drunk all the time, you wouldn’t hit me so much”- He was 16 when he did that, and started laughing his ass off….. So did I. Where do you suppose he gets that wicked sense of humor that tends to embarrass others? Certainly not from me.
LikeLike
Ha! That’s hilarious!
LikeLike
This is my little Luke Skywalker. The one who got the R2D2 cookie sculpture. He’s quite a character. When I had to have surgery a few years ago, I talked to the kids about a “Do Not Resucitate Order” or whatever they call it. I told the kids, “If I don’t wake up, just pull the plug” Mr. Smartypants here replied “But Mom, you’re always telling us we need more vegetables.” That one still makes me LOL.
LikeLike
Wow. He’s funny. When my mom has surgery (which happens far too often) my brothers and I act like were arguing over who gets what if she dies.
LikeLike
What nice boys you are! Mine did that too. A sense of humor never hurt anyone. Sounds to me like you’re a pretty unshitty dad. 🙂
LikeLike
I try. I really do. I know I could do better, but there’s always room for improvement I guess.
LikeLike
That’s the key, friend, doing your best, and knowing you could do better. It’s the parents who don’t do their best, and think they know everything that we need to worry about.
LikeLike
That applies in all walks of life, I think. There are way too many people out there that think they know it all.
LikeLike
That’s funny as hell TW! Like father, like son.
At the risk of repeating myself (like old fuckers do), I’ll tell you about my granddaughter (she was two at the time). We were in grocery store parking lot. It was summer at the time and the windows were rolled down. Just as we were getting ready to pull into a parking spot some douche in a bmw cut in front of us and took the spot. From the back seat sweet little Bijoux yelled “Hey Fucker!” I didn’t even try to hold back the laughter; and I nearly peed myself.
When her dad (my son) was a rock star, he never held back on his language. We would be out to dinner or in a store and he’s all “fuck, fuck, fuck, everything”. As you know, I’m all about expressing myself but I always asked him to tone it down a bit when we were out back then. Now he is a father of three and when we visit it’s HIM who’s saying “dad! the kids!”
Fuckin’ perspective.
Red
LikeLike
Hahaha. I learned the hard way that kids listen to everything. When the twins were young I was correcting one of them for something I can no longer remember, but I asked him, “What happens when you do that?”
With innocent blue eyes he looked back up at me and said, “You’ll bust my ass.”
Oops.
LikeLike
Hilarious!
LikeLike
Yup. That’s when I became extremely aware of what I said when they were around.
LikeLike
They’re like sponges and sometimes the things they hear don’t repeat for quite a while…
LikeLike
This I know.
LikeLike
So funny! A friend of my wife’s posted a video on YouTube a few years ago of her daughter in their kitchen, waving a fork around, and yelling “Fork Fork Fork Fork!” Yeah… it didn’t sound like fork at all. Super cute, ridiculously hilarious. Thanks for sharing the laugh today!
LikeLike
Yeah, he says something else when he tries to say clock, but every kids does that.
LikeLike
Haha. Is it just as funny when it is your child? Will I get to enjoy these moments, or will I be mortified? (Or does that depend entirely upon me – because right now I’m thinking I’m going to thoroughly enjoy it – even if we are out in public).
LikeLike
It all depends on you. If you think it’s funny now, you’ll think it’s funny when it’s you child.
LikeLike
*strikes a Mr. Burns pose* “Excellent….”
LikeLike
Now that I’ve finished crying with laughter (especially at your comment ‘HIGH FUCK YEAH!!’) I can continue.
When our son was toddler, we were in the car on the way home, totally engrossed in a conversation I can’t quite remember, when he piped up with his cute voice and innocent face, hands raised and said something with fuck in the garbled sentence. We laughed, it was hard not to.
Or the time we were on the bus to the city and had just reached our stop when a rather large woman got on before we’d a chance to get off. He pointed at her and said ‘look at the fat lady mummy.’ Let’s just say I dragged him off quickly and didn’t look back.
LikeLike
Hahaha! Kids have absolutely no shame.
LikeLike
He’s clearly brilliant. Pretty soon he’ll be counting up to twenty-fuck. Which is impressive because he only has twenty fingers and toes.
I have so many stories, but my favourite is of my niece. She was 20 months old and we were in the park by the beach. We ran through a flock of seagulls and they all took off, flying around our heads. She squeeled with glee and yelled out “oh fucking hell” in perfect clarity. I almost wet myself with laughter. My brother (her Dad) was mortified.
LikeLike
Hahaha! That’s great!
LikeLike
Wait until he puts his hand up to a stranger and says, “Give me a high fuck”
LikeLike
If the stranger tries it will be the end for that stranger.
LikeLike
Perhaps Baby C is also somehow related to Le Clown.
Jacob’s first word was “shit” which he said when he hit his head. It is his favorite baby story. His language sadly hasn’t improved. Jacob too is somehow related to Le Clown.
LikeLike
There’s nothing wrong with profanity, dearest Elyse.
LikeLike
When my nephew was about 2 (he’s 4 now, but that story will be in a moment, this one first), he learned he could watch Winnie the Pooh in different languages, he became obsessed with the sing song sound of the Arabic language. You should find it, but it sounds funny to see a little kid running around yelling the f-bomb as he is pretending to be pooh.
Now he’s just learned at school on how to get out of punishment. “You know you’re not suppose to do that right, it’s bad.” “I know, but I’m trying to be good.” And it gets him off. He tried that when he got yelled at for knocking over his sister who is learning how to walk, it didn’t go well. He was in his room. Apparently knocking her over and laughing like a hyena is his new kick.
LikeLike
lol
LikeLike
Well he now runs around screaming “No Blood, No Foul” thanks to his aunt.
LikeLike
Okay, there is no swearing in my story, but . . . we were taking my sister to her pottery class after school when we passed a tudor house that was being removated. My mum said “that tudor house will look lovely when it is done up.” There was a moment of silence and then my sister said “but won’t it smell a bit fishy?” It took us a while to work out that she thought my mum had said ‘tuna’ house.
LikeLike
Haha! Kids are hilarious!
LikeLike
This post was magnificent!
Your title alone was so cool it gave me a headache!
And of course Baby C is cool; look at his family line!
LikeLike
Hahaha! It really was funny to hear him just keep saying it.
LikeLike
Haha! I can’t stop laughing! Your son is the cutest!
LikeLike
He is pretty fantastic!
LikeLike
Oh the joy of words and how they come out of a child’s mouth. My oldest loved a certain episode of Thomas & Friends and he would ask us to play it all the time. This episode was a ton of fun and we would let him watch it when his brother would take a nap and we wanted him to have “down time”. The problem was that one word did not come out quite right, the name of the episode? Chocolate Percy.
LikeLike
Haha!!
LikeLike
*groan* I did that, too… and my siblings will never ever let me forget it. Maybe it’s a thing with wonderfully behaved children? We just love everyone so much that we want to share a gift of ourselves? On their walls? 😉
LikeLike
Hahaha!
LikeLike
My little sister would point at strangers and tell them that they should poop to feel better. Not just sometimes, or some people– all people, all the time. It was hysterical the first few times, then a little embarrassing, and then hysterical all over again. 😉 I loved this post. It’s hilarious!
LikeLike
Thanks, Rara!
LikeLike
My younger niece is autistic and doesn’t speak much, and when she does, most of it isn’t very clear. It took us a little while to work out that her “ubadubsake” was her repeating what she’d heard her father (my brother-in-law) say when he is playing on his X-box games, which is of course “oh, for f***s sake”. It’s kind of funny, but I do think the whole family is hoping and praying that this particular phrase won’t get any clearer!
LikeLike
Hahaha. Video game rage does that to people.
LikeLike
Oh, I know! It’s just amusing how much kids pick up. And the thing with an autistic kid is that you’re never sure what’s going in, because it doesn’t get shown in the normal way!
LikeLike