It’s time for a story. A very special story. One of those stories where one of your kids says something so incredibly stupid that everyone will laugh at it no matter their race, religion, creed, state of lucidity, or sexual orientation.
Last night I had a couple of guests over to my new place. Specifically, the guests were Revis, his wonderful wife, Baby E, a friend, and her child. We had some pizza and talked while the kids played and generally shook the entire place playing with Nerf guns and whatever the hell else they were doing up there.
At some point during the evening Baby C began playing with his allegedly spill-proof cup. I say allegedly because it is in fact not spill-proof. Not at all. By the time I realized it wasn’t spill-proof he had emptied almost the entire contents of his cup onto himself.
So I took him upstairs and put his pajamas on. When he realized that all the other boys were up there playing he became excited and wanted to play with them. So I left him in the twins’ care so that they could all play together.
A handful of minutes after I came back downstairs I heard one of the twins holler for me.
Baby B: Daaaaaaad!
Me: What?
Baby B: Baby C’s clothes are broken!
Me: Um, what??
Baby B: His clothes are broken.
Me: (to my sister-in-law) Did I just hear him right? His clothes are broken?
Sister-in-law: That’s what I heard.
Me: (to Baby B) Bring him down here please.
Baby B brought Baby C down stairs.
Me: What do you mean, “His clothes are broken?”
Baby B: Well, his zipper is, I mean. See?
I examined Baby C’s zipper and found that it had come open from his knee all the way up to his neck, yet the actual part that zips the zipper was still up. I laid Baby C down and forced the zipper all the way down and then zipped it back up. Worked like a charm. His clothes were no longer broken. I’m like the Bob Vila for clothes or something. Be jealous.
If you have kids, tell me about a time when they said something completely stupid, yet deliriously funny.
Mental Defecation 
I don’t have kids, but I do remember having had a simlar problem with a zip myself in the past.
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It wasn’t so much the fact that the zipper malfunctioned, it was the fact that one of my 13-year olds told me that clothes were broken.
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We had ‘the talk’ with our eldest boy the other day. He seemed to understand. A week later he says “so I’ve been watching you and daddy and I haven’t seen you have sex yet?”. Poor kid. What must he have been thinking all week?! Every time we had a hug or stood near each other was he thinking “is this it now?”, “how about now?”. I neglected to tell him it’s something you do in private. I have now imparted that piece of valuable info.
My daughter has a barbie doll with no legs that is a bath toy. We aren’t allowed to chuck it out because “she’s a paralympian!” Of course.
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Ha!
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Oh the broken zipper. We see that all too often with our boys.Sometimes we can pop it right back, others we just say “screw it” and toss it in the trash.
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Yes, but do your children describe the clothes as broken? That was the part that cracked me up.
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I heard an ADULT say that a guy’s shirt was ‘broken’ – she meant ripped – it was so weird …. I hope she’s not doing a job that takes common sense…
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That would be unfortunate.
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Remember how I said last night that Jack Black had his moments? Well, here ya go. Just make sure the boys aren’t around when you watch this.
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I’ve heard that one before.
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Sadly, it wasn’t plastic…
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My nephew never hesitates to say what is on his mind. While walking the mall a few years back he saw a kid with his underwear showing per the style. At the ripe old age of six he says “Hey kid, want my belt? You need it more than I do since your pants are falling down.”. You never know what they are going to say.
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Ha! That’s great!
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Don’t ya just love them. Can’t remember any old tales myself, the years have passed too quickly and my brain never kept up. 😉
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That’s what I’m afraid of.
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So my neighbour was holding her three year old son and chatting to me. He was patting her overly burdened cleavage with the palms of his hands. I too was enthralled with the jiggle but she just continued the conversation. That was until her son interupted and said “Mum. Why is your bum all the way up here?”
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Bwahahahahahahahaha
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Heh. I love hearing those stories; makes me want to have one myself!
Yes, I know that’s a good reason for having kids.
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It’s one of them, yes.
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Oh I am so glad I saved this in my in box!! This is the cutest story TD!! How cute you are!! I love it… 🙂
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Not sure if this is the same thing as clothes being broken 😉 but when I was a kid I told my mom that grass hurt more than concrete. I would fall off my bike on the sidewalk and laugh but when I fell down on grass, I cried. I was a weird one. 😀
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Ha! That IS weird!
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