A Series of Fucked Up Events

It started off as a morning like any other. The alarm woke me abrasively, as it always does. It was all boringly routine. When I said it was time to go the twins remembered all the things they hadn’t done yet. Oh, I need my shoes! Augh! My MP3 player! Sigh.I dropped Baby C off with my mother, as is usual. I took him in, got hugs and kisses, told my mom I love her, and left.

The routine strays from here. The twins don’t stay with my mother during the day any longer. They are uncles now and have volunteered to watch their nephew on Tuesdays and Thursdays while their sister is at school. So I assured her that I would drop the boys off on my way to work. That was my downfall.

As I was pulling up to their mother’s house a beat-up old Honda sedan turned down their mother’s street. I waited for him to complete his turn, and for the car behind him to pass, before I started my turn down the street. That’s when the unfathomable happened. The guy in the Honda was stopped in the middle of the road. So I stopped. Then his reverse lights came on. Then, his car started going backwards. Quickly.

There was nothing I could do. I didn’t have enough time to put the car in reverse and get out of the way so I just pushed down a little harder on the brake pedal while he smashed into the driver’s side corner of my car.


This literally happened in front of my ex-wife’s house (she lives on the corner) so I told the boys to go ahead and go. Baby B, who was seated in the front passenger seat, couldn’t open the door. Great. Just great. I exited my wrecked vehicle so he could climb out on my side. I quickly pulled out my cell phone and called the local police department to advise them that I needed an officer to come fill out a report. I then called my boss to tell him that I may or may not be in to work as I don’t know if my car can be driven.

Then the fun really begins. My new best friend Eric, formerly known as the dude driving the Honda which backed into me, comes and pats me on the shoulder as I’m surveying the damage to my precious vehicle. “Sorry, man, I thought I was clear. Do you wanna just swap information?”

“I’ve already got an officer on the way.”

“Oh. I really need to get to work.”

“Yeah, so did I,” I say, ensuring my sarcasm is not lost on him.

While we waited roughly 20 minutes for the officer to show up I started my car back up and turned the steering wheel all the way to the left and then all the way to the right without any resistance. Seems like I should be able to drive it.

The officer finally showed up and took Eric’s license, insurance, and registration. I noticed that he had Safe AutoGreat. That can’t be a good sign. Then he came and got mine and disappeared into his car while he worked whatever magic he had to work to get me a police report so my car could be taken care of by insurance.

When he emerged from his cruiser some time later he sauntered over to me and gave me all of my paperwork back along with another small sheet of paper with the police report number on it. He then advised me to get Eric’s information, which to that point I had not gotten. I got Eric’s name, phone number, and policy number.

I got back in my car and began to pull away but something was amiss. There was noise emanating from the passenger front wheel and there was a limp in every wheel rotation. Great, I thought, something is all fucked up over there.

I turned about in my ex-wife’s driveway and pulled to the side of the road so I could get out and take a look. Evidently a big chunk of tar from the road had gotten stuck to my tire and I merely needed to pull it off and everything should be fine. Phew.

While I was removing pieces of Kentucky’s finest road material from my tire I overheard the cop talking to Eric. “This is only a declaration of insurance, it isn’t a card. We need to talk about this.”

That can’t be good.

I finished removing the tar from my tire and went into my ex-wife’s house to wash my hands. I came back out, got in my car, and was just about to engage the transmission when I see the cop walking my way, looking like he had something else to tell me. I rolled down my window and he confirmed my sinking suspicions. “You’re not gonna like this…” he started.

“He’s uninsured, isn’t he?”

“Suspended. His insurance is suspended.”

How the fuck to you get suspended from Safe Auto? You gotta be a really shitty driver to get suspended by them.

“No wonder he tried to get outta here without me calling you.”


“So what does that mean for me?”

“I don’t know what kind of coverage you have…”

“I have full coverage.”

“They should take care of it, but you’ll probably hafta pay the deductible. Then they’ll go after him.”

“Okay, thanks. Do you need anything else from me?”

“Nope, have a good day.”

I rolled up the window and put the car in drive. I started slowly at first, but everything seemed fine now. I decided to stop by my insurance agent’s office before I headed to work to get the claim started and so they could take pictures if needed. It was just a few minutes before 8:30 so I figured they’d be open by now.

I pulled into the parking lot of a house which looked to be roughly 80 years old. I mean, this house has made no attempt to cover up its age. I didn’t see any other cars there, but there’s only two parking spots so I figured the employees probably parked somewhere else. I walked up to the door and looked for a sign with hours on it, but found nothing. I peered in through the window and saw a desk in the back with a monitor on it. The monitor was on, so I figured there was someone there. I tried the door and it opened, thus reaffirming my assumption that someone was there. I walked in and shouted hello. After a couple more steps I began to hear a beep. I quickly located its source, which was an alarm box on the wall beside me. The status read as away.


I had just unwittingly broken into my insurance agent’s place of business. I quickly left and as I was getting back into my car the alarm sounded full force. I took off like a bat out of hell and didn’t look back.

Fuck today.

That was how I spent my Tuesday morning, dear Maphia™. How did you spend yours?


About Twindaddy (358 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

102 Comments on A Series of Fucked Up Events

  1. What insurance do you have?


  2. Wow. That sucks. Only good thing is no one was hurt. Although ya gotta hope the asshat that backed into you spilled hot coffee on himself or something…Where the hell is Karma? We need to have a talk!


  3. Hey, any one you can walk away from is a good one…


  4. That bastard!
    That happened to me back in 2010. I was on the far left side of the street and an SUV three lanes on the far left suddenly decided that the drive way that I was just about to pass was where he needed to go. He did a makeshift kind 4 lane cross and then plowed right into me (drove a Nissan Murano at the time). He then, not realized he was driving into my drivers side front bumper, kept going and pushing me into the side of the road, almost up onto the curb. He finally stopped his car, and 4 people, including a pregnant lady, got out and he looked at me and said “oops”….WTF OOPS! I started to tell him some choice words but then realized it would be better for me to just let the police handle this.
    The police report showed him fully responsible and I was thankful his insurance paid for everything which included a new front bumper.
    I have Allstate and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Allstate agent. I have had Tim my Allstate agent for 10 years now and he is a miracle worker and gets me discounts beyond belief.


  5. A pox on today for doing such nastiness to you. Harumf.


  6. That’s totally $%^&*()*&(&…I mean. Fucked up. I just like how those characters look you know. Sorry you had such a shitty morning, CT.


  7. No, but he ended up in jail…


  8. That really sucks bigtime. At least you didn’t get arrested for unknowingly “breaking in”. 😦


  9. I hate to say this, but Your New Bud Eric might also be an insurance scammer. He’ll claim he was rear-ended by you. You have the police report, but these dickwads are everywhere.


  10. prayingforoneday // July 9, 2013 at 6:29 pm // Reply

    Someone said above, “Insurance Scammer” was the 1st thing I thought.
    I had it tried on me once. Went to court etc…
    Luckily I beat the 2 lads up…
    Nearly cost me £2,000

    Some people…


  11. Yes, I called them after I got to work and filed over the phone.


  12. Oh no! Well at least everyone is ok. That’s the main thing. But what an expensive and annoying thing.


    • Expensive is right. The damage doesn’t really look bad, but cosmetic repairs on vehicles are astronomical in cost. This could really total my car. Luckily the air bags didn’t deploy or I’d be out car shopping right now.


  13. My boss told me the same thing about State Farm when his truck was totalled. I’m supposed to hear from an adjuster in the next couple of days.


  14. Oh boy. That’s quite an eventful morning! Here’s hoping tomorrow morning is less so.


  15. On no es bueno – I’m glad you and the kids weren’t hurt – but suspended insurance? Crap – this is what steams me – we are the law abiding responsible citizens and when we get hit by the uninsured – it’s US that will suffer … I wish you well – keep us posted on the situation.


  16. I got in my first (of two) car accidents when I was 17. The woman in the other car had an expired license and no insurance. Then she had the nerve to try and sue my family. …Are you serious?


  17. Some days just suck.


  18. Can you have a do-over?


  19. Seriously….this is when you just have to say “Ok God that’s enough with the testing, I passed, we’re good.” Glad no one was hurt…other than that fender.


  20. Aw man…at least no one’s hurt. The car is still handsome (well, in my eyes at least^^), and hopefully your “new bff” Eric will get it.


  21. Oy. Ugly morning.


  22. Argh! People… what are we going to do about them?!
    Question, because I can’t help myself… Did you do the jingle? “Like a good neighbor…”
    Seems like you handled the whole situation much better than I would have. And good call on bringing the cops in – that’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way. Any future fender benders and I’ll be calling the cops even if there “isn’t any damage.” I hope you have since been in touch with your agent and he’s got the ball rolling on getting your car repaired. And I hope that whole process goes smoothly.


  23. Your car has a lazy eye. Hahahaha! Kidding. That really sucks. Eff drivers who don’t have insurance. Just eff them. Sorry your day was crap. Vodka helps.


  24. Uh… I like the title… isn’t that a Lemony Snickety book?


  25. Your accident here sounds similar to an accident a friend of mine had some years back, with a difference. The friend was driving to work the morning after the night before, and ended up back-ending the car in front which stopped at traffic lights that they could have driven through. Friend just wanted to exchange details, but idiot in the car in front wanted to call the police. So the police came. My friend was breathalyzed, found to be over the limit and banned for two years. Idiot in the car in front was found to be driving without a licence and uninsured, so got sent to prison for five years.

    Hope that the car can be fixed for you. Nothing worse than being without wheels.


Deposit 2 cents here

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: