The Missing Males

[Editor’s Note: Please welcome Gabriel to the show. Gabriel has a very, very dark subject to talk about today, so please be warned that this is not a happy post. Be that as it may, it’s something that needs to be discussed, just as all other atrocities committed in the darkness do.

Gabriel is a very talented writer and poet, and is quickly becoming a very good friend of mine. More than that, Gabriel has served our country in war and seen atrocities the likes of which would melt my mind into useless puddle of plasma. Yet he’s still going. He inspires me. What I’ve endured is nothing compared to what he has and he keeps on trucking. It gives me hope.

Please take a moment, either now or when you’re finished reading here, to visit Gabriel’s blog and, if you’re so inclined, click the follow button and support him. Thank you.]

First, I want to give a special thanks to Twindaddy. He has been a huge support to me and I don’t know how I could ever thank him enough for what he does and who he is as a person. Second I want to warn you guys that this is a serious piece and it deals with a lot of adult topics that might be uncomfortable. Nevertheless, TD said I could write about anything so I hope he doesn’t hate me too much for this (haha). [Editor’s Note: Not a chance, bud.]

One day, after frantically searching the internet I found myself in a ball on the floor, a normal position for me frankly.

I wasn’t in pain
No, I was sad.

One in six women is raped. That statistic is from RAINN and if you are not familiar with them, I highly recommend you look into them if you or someone you know is dealing with trauma.

However, that is not what I was sad about, no. I was not sad that 16.67% of women are raped in their lifetime, or that the number is most likely very, VERY under reported. I was not sad that people judge the women, oh, she had a few drinks, or she should not have been out alone, or out that late.

What was she wearing?

My personal favorite, like it is an invitation to be violated; that you are not a person if you show cleavage or wear a skirt that is too short. I was not sad that 75% of the women raped are done so by friends, family, people that know this person, have seen this person, and know that this person is… a human being.

I was sad, curled in a ball on the floor because I am a male.
I am a male and I was raped.

That my friends, is the sad truth of the matter at hand, I was raped; I had no obvious way to reach out for support. Sure, I eventually found some comfort, I am with a lovely women who GETS me. Who understands and is there for me. I take medication and go to counseling to learn how to deal with the trauma and scars that were left behind.

Because not all scars are visible

I had a hole punched in me, in my soul. I was not a person, I was an object a thing used and bartered with like some animal that you could put an actual, literal price on. I was sad, because guys don’t get raped. Guys always want sex no matter what, right?

Right?
Not me…

I was sad because when I look in the mirror I do not know who is looking back at me. I do not know the person that I am seeing. That can’t be me, that isn’t me, I’m disgusting, fat, ugly.

No one can love me!

Certainly not myself, I am a monster. I am a piecemeal golem, a shell; I am nothing. However, I am not alone. I am sad because as under reported as the women rape statistics are. I would bet my worthless life that the men’s rape statistics are even more so under reported.

One out of 33, that is the statistic for male rape victims.

One out of 33
Congratulations, I am part of the 3%.

I would have paid my membership dues but I think they are still being collected. You know I would want nothing more than to come here and write about something happy. Make a few jokes; get a few laughs.

Hey, did you hear the one about my father?
He was the first to rape me, guess he wanted the friends and family discount the cheap bastard.

Yeah, bad joke, I know. Which is why I don’t do stand up. No, these days I do the fetal position more than I stand up. These days I am less a person and more a plaything.

I take that back, these days, these last few. They have been good to me. I am with the woman I love and despite struggles for the both of us, thanks to a shared past, we move forward together. So I’m here to say it does get better, it just does not feel like it at the time.

And to anyone reading this, if you are part of the 16.67% or just like me the 3%. There is help, there is hope and most of all there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am a male, I was raped and I am NOT alone.

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About Twindaddy (336 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

46 Comments on The Missing Males

  1. Thank you for the kind words twin daddy. Also, thank you for the opportunity to write for your blog.

    Like

  2. Gabriel, I HATE that happened to you. Rape, done to any gender, in any form is unfunny. I’m happy that you found someone who loves you. It brings hope.

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    • Thank you, despite the life I’ve had there has been some good times. Loony (my fiancé) gets who I am and it honestly makes everything that happened worth it, even just to have her in my life.

      Like

  3. Reblogged this on Life of a Fallen Angel and commented:
    This is a very serious post I wrote for twin daddy and stuphblog. I hope that it will help at least one person. So check it out!!

    Like

    • Rape Victims voices // July 17, 2013 at 4:23 pm // Reply

      I am lost at words! I can not agree with you more that this evil is alive and well and it is time that we give more attention to boys and men getting raped. After my 15 year old daughter was raped I ended up in a clinic. There 2 days before I had to go home a man approached me asking why I was there. By that time I was much better and I told him the whole story.

      I looked at me and said: ‘I have never told anybody this, but it happened to me too! He told me that his boss invited him to his house one day. They were having a drink and chatting. Then next thing he could remember was that he was on the couch with his boss raping him!! He used force hitting him to get him off. He with a shock realized that his drink was spiked!!

      Can you imagine his disbelieve shock, outrage anger that went with it all. He had the courage to go to the police. Their reaction: “why didn’t you hit him earlier?” I ask you!!! just because he was a grown man he still was a victim of a vicious violent crime committed against him. It cuts like a knife through your heart, destroying your faith in humanity and leaves you hurt and angry feeling out of control!!

      I am still receiving counselling basically to help me understand and support my daughter which is diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with depression. As I am writing to you she is at the same clinic that I was. My psychologist explained to me that the core of victims with this diagnoses is to give them back the feeling of being in control of their own lives again. Something happened that they had NO control over. By put in a position to make decisions about your own live gives the victim the feeling of control again. As I am in the law (the rapist could not have chosen a worst victim) I immediately did what needed to be done. Still checking that the right procedures are being followed. I ended up in the clinic because I lost it after she got raped. There I discovered that I was co-dependence with mild depression. What’s that? It is people that always wants to save others, never thinking of themselves and with this as background you can imagine how I just took over!

      Now I am learning to first consult her (even though she is just 15 years old), I ask her how she feels about what is transpiring with the pending court case and I even told her that if she decides not to go ahead with the trial it would be OK with me! That was very hard for me! I went into the law because I HATE injustice!! But I will stand aside to let my child make the decision because in that way I am empowering her giving her back control over her life!

      I proclaim once more!! NOBOY HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE ANYBODY!!

      NO MEANS NO!!

      Stay strong my friend! I am here for you if you want to chat or need advice whatever, contact me. By leaning on each other we are healing ourselves.

      love
      rapevictims.co.za

      Like

  4. Gabriel, I admire your courage in dealing with this. I’m glad to know you as well.

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  5. Wow. I admire your courage and strength in talking openly about this. I am so sorry that happened to you. I am glad you are in a good place and I hope you can continue to build on the positivity in your life.

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  6. Hold your head up high, Gabriel; you are a man of great courage. I wish you much happiness and love.

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  7. A raw and honest post, Gabriel. Thank you so much for sharing a statistic many–dare I say, most–people never consider. *hugs*

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  8. Sadly true. Boys and men get raped and it isn’t all that rare, either. Just not much talked about except in a prison context (as if that were the only place it happens, which is far from accurate). It isn’t reported for all the obvious reasons and a whole lot of less obvious ones, but in the end — for both sexes — the reasons are much the same: we do not want to be judged. And no matter what we say, we will be judged and unkindly. I was raped. So was my brother. By the same guy. No one even seemed to care. Almost worse than condemnation is dismissal.

    If more people would report and like you, talk about experiences, things might change. Perpetrators hide in the dark. Shine a light and they slither away. These scumbags cannot stand the light of day. Thank you for the light.

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  9. Eloquent, thoughtful words for an ugly subject. Thank you for being brave enough to share.

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  10. The thing is that we do try to teach men not to rape. Parents do it. Society does it. The problem is that only really sick people do it. And it isn’t just one kind of sickness. They aren’t all easy to diagnose. It can be chemical imbalances, mental aberrations, being raised in a horrible environment, or just being born with a shortage of morals or the inability to know wrong from right. There is also a sick subculture that supports and is aroused by the idea. But no normal man, even in the grips of teen hormonal desire-storms, even considers this a valid option. There are also the desperately lonely, the socially inept, the ugly, who are bombarded with views of the beautiful people and their sexy lives, and know they will never have love like that… but mostly it is small-minded, stupid, shallow, unfeeling little boys in men’s bodies who think they can take what they want because they feel entitled to it.

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  11. I am so proud of you. This needs to be discussed and you are strong enough to take that first step. I love you much and am honored to be a part of your life.

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    • Thank you, the pleasure is all mine. You give me strength when I’m running on empty and truthfully that would be most of my life. You were the thing I didn’t know I was missing.

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  12. Seriously….I am on the floor right next to you…tears…angry/sad/desperate. You are beautiful however despite the ugliness that you have had to endure.

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  13. I don’t want to click ‘like’ because I don’t like that this happened to you.
    Thank you for sharing.

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  14. To anyone who reads this, the outpour of support has honestly left me in tears. I am proud that I get to have all your wonderful support. I have not re-read the post after I initially wrote it, a common theme for me these days honestly. But that you all, so, so very much you make it worth it.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your pain. I spend many moments still hiding in the safe place I created in my mind many years ago, but not every moment. I also curl up in a ball in reality when it hurts too much. But my time outside gets longer and the time hiding from the world and myself gets shorter. TY

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  16. Thank you 🙂

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  17. NAILED IT!! Great job Gabriel…I AM one of the 16.67%

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  18. southerndreamer // July 15, 2013 at 5:22 pm // Reply

    Thank you for not being silent, for being brave, and for shedding light on an ugly truth. Maybe it isn’t talked about b/c then people would have to admit it isn’t about sex. It’s about power. I know of at least two males related to me who were molested/raped as children. I’ve seen the devastation it causes when it remains hidden, a festering secret.
    To you, to them, to all those out there, you are loved, you are not ugly/worthless/fill-in-the-blank, but strong men, full of possibility, so never, ever give up.

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  19. indecisiveindividual // July 15, 2013 at 5:43 pm // Reply

    You’re a very brave man, that can’t have been easy. Hopefully though it will offer encouragement for others to speak out.

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  20. As difficult as it is to share stories like this hopefully by doing so a subject as taboo as this can be talked about and commented on. It’s just awful that you have had to endure something like this. I’m glad you and Loony have found strength in each other

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  21. Like everyone else here, I applaud your decision to not be silent… and your bravery… and the way you found a positive area of your life to build upon. *hugs* Here’s wishing for better days ahead, and more brave men like you!

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  22. Thank you for your bravery in speaking out. I applaud you and my heart goes out to you.
    Gabrielle

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  23. Wow. What a terrible thing to have experienced. Regardless of gender, a violation is a violation and should not have happened.

    Like others I am glad you spoke, and I hope it gave you some comfort.

    May your future continue on the peaceful path you have begun.

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  24. We all need a voice and we need someone to listen to our story. I have come full circle in a very weird way. I was the victim, ran away and married only to find out years later – I married a pedophile.. Now I am sufferig again. I feel responsible in some perverted way, that I should have been wiser and stopped him, but I didn’t see it. I was blinded. He wa also a victim in his childhood. When will it ever end? The cycle has to be broken. It is when we have a voice, when we speak up, that healing comes. And maybe it will make a difference.

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  25. I am/have been acquainted with 4 people who have been raped. 3 women and one man. As someone said on here, it’s about power, not sex. The writer/journalist Caitlin Moran wrote in her column in the Times Saturday magazine that until rape gets re-catagorised as something more appropriate such as internal assult, people are going to automatically assume it’s to do with sex.

    The abuse of power is wrong, plain and simple. Gabriel, thank you for sharing your story, and for raising the awareness that it’s something that can happen to everyone.

    I’ll be praying for you.
    Faith

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  26. I only clicked the “like” button for statistical purposes only. Who could possible like such a horrible intrusion to one’s body. Thank you Gabriel for sharing your heartbreaking, painful story. Please Know I Wish You Only The Very Best.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. That should never have happened to you. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t ask for it. It was wrong. Period. I’m so glad you have someone in your life to support you. That’s huge. I loved your post and I’m happy that you are healing.

    Like

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. A year of Gabriel | Life of a Fallen Angel
  2. Elliot Rodger, Mental Health, and #YesAllWomen | Stuphblog

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