Escape Artist

pris·on  [priz-uhn] noun

1.a building for the confinement of persons held while awaiting trial, persons sentenced after conviction, etc.
2.any place of confinement or involuntary restraint.

Let’s call a crib what it really is: a prison. We place our babies in these “prisons” for their own good. We don’t want them to get loose. We don’t want them to hurt themselves. We place them in these “prisons” for the sake of our sanity. The peace of mind bought by knowing your child is safe and secure in his or her crib is priceless. Knowing your child cannot get out and make a mess is also priceless.

Last night I placed Baby C in his crib after his nightly ritual of brushing his teeth and loving everybody up. He began to cry after I closed the door to his room, and I decided to let him cry it out since this is becoming a trend. I want him to be able to fall asleep without having to lay down with him. I want him to know that it’s okay to be in his room alone.

So I went downstairs and was fiddling around on the computer while I listened to him cry. This is not a pleasant thing to endure, but it was something I felt I needed to do. A handful of minutes later one of the twins comes downstairs.

“Didn’t you put Baby C in bed?” he asked.

“Um, yeah.”

“Then how’d he get in our room?”

Uh oh.

I rose from my chair and walked to the bottom of the stairs and, sure enough, there stood my other twin holding Baby C at the top of the stairs. I walked upstairs to put Baby C back in his crib. While I was in his room he pointed towards the floor. “Lay down?” he asked.

Lately I have been laying on the floor in his room when he wakes up at night so he doesn’t get in the habit of coming to bed with me. I’m trying to teach him that he needs to sleep in his bed and that crying in the middle of the night isn’t an automatic ticket to sleeping in bed with me. Unfortunately, this has taught him that I need to lay on his floor when he’s upset. Oh, well. At least I can get up and go back to my bed after he’s asleep instead of having toddler feet up my ass all night.

I went to my room and grabbed a pillow. I threw it on the floor in his room and laid down. After a few minutes had passed he was sound asleep. I picked myself and my pillow up from his floor and proceeded to get myself ready for bed. After my nightly rituals were complete, I put myself to bed and promptly passed out.

The next thing I know it’s the middle of the night. It’s pitch black. I hear a tiny voice jauntily say, “Oh, hi, Daddy!” And then I feel a small creature climb into bed with me.

Baby C Trooper

The offending creature. Sure, he looks cute, but he’s evil I tell you. Pure evil.

I was too tired to fight him. It was the dead of night and I was still half asleep. Fuck it, I thought. I just rolled over and went back to sleep.

Tonight I converted his crib to a toddler bed and put a gate on his bedroom door. I win.

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About Twindaddy (330 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

120 Comments on Escape Artist

  1. Hey,,,I just figured out who you are on my fb,,,,you handsome devil you!
    P.S. good post,,,and baby C is as cute and smart as they come!

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  2. Awww….I remember those days…my middle child used to do that as well. Took a long time to get her used to the idea that she can fall asleep on her own and stay in her own bed too. She’s 18 now..they do grow out of it. 🙂

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  3. Sneaky little dude. He’ll figure out the gate in a day or two.

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  4. When it comes to parenting, wins are short-lived! Enjoy it while you can!

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  5. Haha….he’s such a devious, cute little creature!!

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  6. I remember those days. Good post.

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  7. Your victory may only be fleeting. It sounds like the beginning of an arms race.

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  8. I kept checking last night to see if he had rolled out of his bed. He didn’t, but I know it will happen. He’s got soft carpet on the floor in his room so I’m not awfully concerned about it.

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  9. He’s certainly something else.

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  10. Indeed. They even work on the twins sometimes.

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  11. Ugh. Uggggghhhh. Don’t remind me that they learn how to escape! lol

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  12. Glorious. The ‘I Win’ portion not the ‘toddler feet up your ass’ portion.

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  13. Victory!!!
    I fear the day when the little prince is mobile. I also can’t wait. It’s just one of those things. If he can climb out of his crib though… can’t he also climb over the baby gate? (Or maybe I’m just not picturing the right kind of baby gate?)

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  14. LMAO. Traumatic, eh?

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  15. I remember the sinking feeling I got when I realized my daughter knew how to leave her room on her own. Good luck, hope the gate works.

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  16. I was always so thankful ours were too lazy to try to escape. Congrats on the win…but is it a high gate?

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  17. Smart guy^^ Maybe the gate should be blocking his entrance rather than his exit?

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  18. I’m starting to think that Baby C and Baby E are planning something when they’re over at Mom’s. Both of them have been climbing a lot more lately…

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  19. I’m scared to transition my daughter. She climbed out once and never did it again. I’m afraid we’ll never sleep again when move to a toddler bed. Great post!

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  20. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for the parental thing. You’re a better person than I am…sleeping on the floor and all. All I can say is huzzah, both for you and the baby gate.

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  21. Only a gate? When I was a tiny, my cot was bolted to the wall (I once ‘jumped’ it across the room and nearly shut myself in) and had a large, thick piece of plywood on top of it so I couldn’t climb out.

    I found that last gem out only a few years ago…could explain a lot.

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  22. He is going to let you think you’ve won. Bwahahahaha…

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  23. I’m glad you keep your children caged because babies on the loose scare the shit out of me.

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  24. Hahahaha! Oh did you bring back memories. I use to sleep on the floor like that and I swear my son would wait until I got to the door before he let out “mom, where ya going?” i was so close…lol Enjoy your winning moment…trust me baby C is already working on plan B!

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  25. So if the crib is a prison, is the toddler bed more of a halfway house or detention center?

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  26. Toddler gate on the door! Genius! I wish I had thought of that. I used the tie to a bathrobe to tie the handle to another door. Stupid rookie mistake.

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  27. Good for you, the gate is a great idea.

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  28. Ah, the pitter-patter or little feet…oh, it isn’t cute at 2am?

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  29. yeah.. till he learns to climb the gate. ha. enjoy your moment.

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  30. My twin brother undid my cot once when the parents were hosting a dinner party… all they heard was an almighty crash and they found me crawling back to give him a toy from the other side of the room…. As for stair gates, marvelous inventions, I used to have one to stop the kids from getting near me in the kitchen!

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  31. iasoupmama // July 25, 2013 at 3:42 pm // Reply

    Ha! I converted my twin daughters’ cribs to toddler beds in June. The baby gate in the door was working well for us until this week, my Baby B decided that she would plow through it like a bull in heat to get out of there. So I took it down and told her sternly to “Stay in bed.” And, what do you know? She did. Amazing…

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  32. LOL Perfect ending! And I really LOVED my gates when my twins were little.

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  33. You win only until he works out how to open/get over the baby gate…

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  34. Sounds like the way you won was to make the prison bigger, but I admire your gentle tenacity anyway.

    Like

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