My Cause

If you take a moment to examine me very closely and look beyond the rough exterior, the armor, the swear words, the foul jokes, the innuendo, and the depression, you’ll see me for what I really am: a vulnerable man who cares. A lot.

In the last year I’ve become acutely aware of the fact that my depression never really went away as I thought it did. In fact, it came back with a vengeance and crippled me for nearly two months straight. When I finally hit rock bottom I decided I needed to do something about it and I went to see my doctor. I’ve been medicated ever since. I’m on an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer in addition to seeing a counselor.

I inherited my mental woes from my mother. My mother is bipolar and has been on medication since the early 90’s. In talking with her and finding this out I finally realized that I’ll never be rid of my depression and that it will be a life-long battle for me. Depression is ever my companion whether I like it or not. So I must remain vigilant to oppose it. Some days I do well. Others, not so much.

Since last October, when I finally admitted having depression, I have met many, many people who also suffer from depression. The more I talk about it the more people will talk about it with me. Many of my closest friends have depression and are being treated for it. Many of them have confessed to suicidal thoughts and self-harm. A few have discussed their suicide attempts with me. It always breaks my heart to hear these stories. I can honestly say I’ve never been in a place where I felt death was the only way out.

I have a long history with suicide, though. For nine years I was held hostage in a relationship, and marriage, I did not want to be in by a woman who threatened to kill herself every time I attempted to leave her. When I finally moved on and met my second wife, her brother committed suicide. From the time we started dating to the time we separated I did my very best to help her heal from the loss. But I was powerless to help and I hated it.

However, it is through that loss that we became aware of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. She has been an active member since the death of her brother. I supported her during those times, but never really took an active role. However, upon reading that depression is one of the leading causes of suicide, I decided to step up. Through blogging I’ve met countless people who have attempted suicide.

A couple of months ago I announced my fundraising efforts for this year’s AFSP walk in my town, Cincinnati. With all of the other shit I’ve had going on in my life I’ve kind of forgotten about it and it’s been sitting on the back-burner. But then yesterday’s Daily Prompt reminded me of it when it asked what cause I would put myself behind if I could focus all of my attention on it.

Of course, my answer is suicide prevention since suicide has had a huge impact on my life over the last 16 years. This year’s walk is October 20th, so I still have time to crusade for donations. If you, like me, are so flat broke that you cannot donate to this very worthy cause, I would ask that you at least check out AFSP in your hometown and find ways to help this noble organization. Or help me promote them. Or both.

Suicide prevention is my cause. What’s your cause?

Please click here to donate.

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About Twindaddy (328 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

57 Comments on My Cause

  1. My personal cause is peace of mind.
    Yours is more noble.

    rock on, TD.

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    • I’ve kinda given up on peace of mind. I don’t think I’ll ever have it.

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      • Never is a long time, TD. And peace of mind doesn’t come from doing grat things or saving the world. It comes from accepting who you are and being able to live with that.
        I never thought I’d have it either, but every so often, for a little while, I do.

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        • I’ve accepted myself, I think. And I live with it. But then other people come and fuck everything up…

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          • Well, that’s the nice thing – you don’t have to tie your self-worth to them.
            All I try and do is get through each day in a way that means I can sleep with myself at night. As long as I manage to act in a way that’s consistent with what I believe, the reactions of others are mostly irrelevant.

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          • I don’t tie my self-worth to the opinions of others, but still, they can wreck my day by doing certain things.

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  2. I am disabled, in part due to the ravages of mental illness – depression/bipolar being the main culprits.

    I will do what I can to help you get the word out about the Walk, Twindaddy.

    Please keep us up to date with info.

    Thanks, bro…..
    Toby

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  3. Depression does not choose who to hit with its all- encompassing grip. Glad you have faced it. It’s the one big step towards taming it. I’m sorry to hear your life has been affected so much by it personally and also the lives of people you loved. I hope the twis will have a fresh start for their own lives.

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  4. I’d say my cause is the U.S. Constitution, but that’s kind of braggy.

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  5. I’ve seen these signs all around my town and have thought about signing up. Someone I know cares very much about a similar cause called To Write Love On Her Arms. Both very worthy of awareness. Thank you.

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  6. Twindaddy – my heart aches for what you are going through. I, too, had a relationship where I was held captive by a possessive person that used suicide as a threat to keep there (even though it wasn’t a marriage and I was only 16, it has had a huge impact on my life). No one knows what it’s really like until they have dealt with it – it’s not so easy to walk away when you are in a mental mindfuck that another person puts you through. And I hope many people will never have to know what it’s like.

    I’m relived to hear you are taking care of yourself, for yourself. And doing something positive with your energy. Go forward, my friend.

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  7. I am not working now… I wish I had something to donate. Even more than that, I wish I could get rid of the mental image caused by that first part… the part where you asked us to look beyond the armor… because I may have taken that a little to literally… and I have a powerful imagination… and my eyes are burning…

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  8. It’s a beautiful cause. I’ve never been depressed in my life but I did struggle with self harm for the past year. It is surprising to find out who went through depression around me. Thank you, and I will definitely look into that in my own area (:

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  9. The dark side is an illusion, sadly. I have my other personality for that, anyhow.

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  10. For about the millionth time, thank you for being you.

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  11. A close family member became seriously depressed last year. Thankfully he has made a great recovery but is is an awful illness. He was not impressed when I told him that in the medical profession it is known as the common cold of mental illness. My point was not to trivialise it but to let him know how common it is. Common but not spoken about. A few weeks ago here in Ireland, there was a walk for suicide awareness called “Walk into the light”. It began at 4am and they walked into the dawn. I thought it was a great idea.
    My cause yesterday was to raise awareness of bone marrow donation. I have a very close friend whose 13 year old son is recovering as we speak. He got leukemia at Christmas. No family matched but a young american girl saved his life. A total stranger who decided for whatever reason to go on the list.
    Great post. I wish you well.

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  12. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, but I often feel so hopeless in life and sometimes I feel meaningless, overwhelmed, and like death would be an improvement. I suppose what really keeps me moving forward is that I have two beautiful children who rely on me daily to take care of them. But what happens when they don’t need me anymore?

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    • Your children will always need you. Lord knows I still need my mommy. Once they are out of the house, though, you will have time to do the things for yourself that you’ve been putting off.

      Plus, there will be grandchildren at some point, too.

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  13. A very worthy cause. My hat’s (jester cap) off to you Twindaddy for your continued support of the AFSP and your drive to increase awareness. The world is a better place because of people like you caring about the rest of us.

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  14. Good for you, TD. You are a much cooler guy than you think you are. 😉

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  15. Yes. Many of our creative people suffer from mental illness in some form or another.

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  16. So proud of you! Xxx

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  17. I wish I wasn’t in the financial straights I’m in, it’s a great cause. I hadn’t heard of this one before, so thank you for the link.

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  18. Awesome TD, just awesome *hugs*

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  19. If it happened.

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  20. No money, but I can pray for all those taking part that they are safe while doing so and that they raise lots of both money and awareness.

    I think my big causes are peace – world day of prayer tomorrow for peace – and also fighting all forms of abuse and making it safer and not shameful for the abused to speak out against their abuser.

    Like

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Daily Prompt: Blogger With a Cause | Joe's Musings
  2. Just because… | Natasha's Memory Garden

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