Bitter Lovers

Today at work (I work in IT in case anyone doesn’t already know that) I was trying to assist a young woman who was trying to get all of her account names changed back to her maiden name. She was having some trouble with it so I was doing my best to assist her, even though I don’t have access to change it. It literally takes five minutes to do, but they’re giving her the run-around for some reason.

Anyhow, as we were talking she decided to tell me about her “marriage.” She was telling me how she was now a member the of the Happily Divorced Club. I gave a non-committal response which evidently wasn’t as non-committal as I had thought. Basically, I just kind of grunted in agreement with her. She must have heard something in my tone. She told me she could tell by my response that I knew what she was talking about. Again, trying to keep the conversation professional (this was work, after all), I merely told her I understood what she was going through. Then she told me that she drew the line at having a loaded gun pointed at her face.

Now, I’ve dealt with certain abuses in my past. I’ve been given ultimatums of staying or she will commit suicide. I’ve been verbally and physically abused. But, as I told her, I’ve never been threatened with murder. That’s one thing I cannot identify with. But her ex-husband evidently pointed a loaded gun at her face one day and that’s when she took off. To this day, she told me, he still chases her down the highway screaming obscenities out his car window at her even thought she left him over a year ago.

I then thought to my own struggles after I left the twins’ mother. I dealt with mostly emotional abuse prior to leaving her. There were some incidents of verbal and physical abuse sprinkled in, but the majority of it was “stay, or I’ll kill myself.” It wasn’t until after I left her that the verbal and physical abuse began in earnest. Every time I dropped the twins off at her house she would storm out of her front door and start yelling and berating me for not coming home to her. This went on for a year and a half after I left her. Sometimes she would punch me or kick me. Often times this would happen while the twins looked on through the front door.

As we continued our conversation I began to wonder: what the fuck is wrong with people? I’ve been hurt. I’ve had my heart-broken. I’ve been left. Not once have I ever had an urge to physically assault, or even murder, one of those people. What is that makes people feel the need to physically harm those who have decided, for some reason or another, that they don’t want to be in a relationship any longer? What possesses these people and makes them perform acts of unimaginable horror? Why can’t they let go? Why can’t they move on? How do they get held in this eternal grip of anger?

The twins mother, 5 years after the fact, recently apologized to me for her “behavior” after I left her. Better late than never, I guess. At least she finally recognized that what she did was wrong. But why did it take so long? Why didn’t this occur to her while she was doing it? At what point does this happen? I mean, I had to call the cops on her once. Why didn’t it sink in then? Why didn’t it sink in when I told her she needed to stay away from my mother because she was scaring her? My mother is the most easy-going, passive person I know. And she was freaked out by the twins’ mother after I left her. She went THAT crazy. My mother doesn’t judge people, but she judged her during that time.

In fact, when I told my mother how the twins’ mother really was, my mom didn’t believe me. It wasn’t until my ex came banging on her front door one day and commanding my mother to make me take her back that my mother truly saw who I had married. Then she knew. And she understood.

This is kind of a rambling post, and I apologize for that. I’m sort of drunkies right now, but the question remains…why? Why do people behave like this? Why, despite the hurt, can’t people grieve then move on? Why must they torture those who they allegedly love? Why do they become more possessive than a squirrel with a nut? Why do they become so insane?

I just don’t understand it.

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About Twindaddy (336 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

56 Comments on Bitter Lovers

  1. I don’t understand people

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  2. I was dumbfounded. Truly I was. I didn’t know what to say other then I don’t know what to say. How do you respond to that?

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  3. Bottom line abuse. They don’t become insane after marriage they alreay are likely narcissistic/sociopaths before. They don’t feel emotion like we do, empathy or compassion like we do.

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  4. I dont understand it either.

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  5. Some people just can’t believe they aren’t “all that”. I married one of those too….he couldn’t understand my thought that I deserved better. It would pain him greatly to know that being alone means doing better.

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  6. It is never ok to resort to violence or abuse and I can’t fathom how people think this behaviour is acceptable. I can’t imagine being threatened like that, I feel sorry for that poor girl and for you too. I’m glad your Ex has apologised about her behaviour.

    Drunkies blogging is all good with us TD

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    • Well, I wasn’t sure if I might have sounded a bit off. So I just wanted people to know just in case.

      And violence or abuse is NEVER acceptable under ANY circumstances. I just can’t imagine treating some one so horribly.

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  7. Why do people do this to each other? Because those that go on two legs are the scariest monsters ever put on this planet, that’s why.

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  8. Philosophers and scientists are still trying to sort them out.
    I’m lucky in then I’ve been able to extricate myself from anyone I knew like that.

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  9. I haven’t figure out the why of it. My ex threatened me at knifepoint after I left. Just how was that supposed to convince me I was wrong to leave?

    I like BrainRants answer though, it seems the most likely to be accurate answer.

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    • Rants is a smart guy even though he’d tell you otherwise.

      And, yes, I often wondered that myself as I was being berated or assaulted. Why on earth would THIS convince me I made the wrong decision?

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  10. I’m with you. I’ve never understood it either.

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  11. When I read about the news and there is a report about some kind of abuse, or someone tells me a tale like this, I think, ‘who does that?’ I just don’t understand it. How is this ever acceptable?

    I’m sorry both of you had to put up with this, and that your children saw it as well. I guess at least she apologised for it. It makes me wonder though, what it took to get her to realise that what she was doing was so unacceptable.

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  12. This made me sad.
    Out here, people get murdered for marrying the partner of their choice.

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  13. That’s the psychology of it, yes. Still doesn’t make sense.

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  14. Don’t I know it.

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  15. Fear…
    You know how that goes, it’s the path to the dark side. Not just idle words.
    We fear change. We fear being alone. We fear our own shadows sometimes, and that drives us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do.

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  16. this is such a well written post. No one can explain what turns people from seemingly normal to what I feel is a bit self obsessed. I always thought that from a pride point of view, why on earth would you beg someone to be with you who didnt want to?

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    • Well, because you love them. Pride goes out the window at that point. But, still, I’ve never been so irate about losing someone that I’ve resorted to abusive and/or violent behavior.

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  17. The hardest part of this is knowing the twins were witness to it. I hope they’re ok.

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  18. I once found a name tag from Wal-Mart. On the top, printed across a red band, were the words: Ask me, I like to help. Under that, in bold print, I wrote the following fake name: O Fuggaugph. I used to wear it around on my chest just for fun. Hope this helps… I like to help…

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