Last Man Standing

Over the last month or so, I’ve been having headaches. Lots and lots of headaches. At the end of my workdays my eyes hurt and I would have double, or sometimes triple, vision. I asked a coworker, who wears glasses, if this could be vision related. His answer was an emphatic yes.

Dammit.

I scheduled an appointment for an eye exam at the Wal-Mart Vision Center last week. I hadn’t had my vision tested since I was in grade school. I had no idea what to expect but I was fairly certain I would be walking out of there with the knowledge that I’d need to wear glasses for the rest of my life.

The exam took only a handful of minutes. Once concluded, the optometrist said, “How do you feel about wearing glasses?”

Dammit.

Even though this was the outcome I expected, I was still disappointed. I was hoping to escape with a pair of reading glasses. Instead I walked out with a prescription.

Wal-Mart doesn’t accept my vision insurance, so I headed to Lenscrafters this past Saturday to get my “new eyes.” I walked in, not having a clue what to do. I have never shopped for glasses before. I walked up to the counter, where the manager told me I needed to pick out my frames first. After a few minutes I had picked out some frames that didn’t suck as much as the rest. I was then seated in front of a camera and they measured the lenses for optimum vision. I then paid an exorbitant amount of money ($200 is a lot of money for me…) and had to wait an hour to get my glasses.

When first I told my mother (in my classic whiny voice) that I had to get glasses she was unsympathetic to my plight. “So what?” she said. I am the last person in my immediate family to get glasses. My mom has had them since she was in sixth grade. She now wears bifocals. My dad has had them for reading and driving as far back as I can remember. Revis got his first pair in middle school. My youngest brother had to get them in high school, I think. Baby A had to get reading glasses a couple of years ago. That I somehow made it 36 years without them is quite an accomplishment.

I haven’t gotten a chance to really test them as I haven’t worn them a full day at work yet, but I can already tell the difference in the little time I’ve spent in front of my home computer since Saturday. I don’t have to squint or strain my eyes while trying to read. I’m still getting used to them walking around the house. If I turn my head quickly while wearing them, the periphery of my vision gets all distorted and it’s an almost dizzying feeling.

I’ve been dreading this for a long time. I knew I would need glasses eventually, and that time is upon me. Though I’ll be glad not to be cross-eyed and plagued with a headache every day when I leave work, I still loathe the idea of having to wear glasses. But it’s one more thing I have to live with. Oh well.


Outtakes

I haven’t done outtakes in a long, long time, but here are some of the reactions I received upon wearing my new glasses.

“Why do you have to wear glasses?”
Baby B
.

baby-facepalm.jpgBaby A rolled his eye’s and shouted, “Seriously?” I just stared blankly at my son until he realized how absurd his question was.

“You look smarter.”
Baby B

You’re grounded, smart ass.

“Awwwwww, you look cute!”
My mom.

She’s supposed to say that, though.

*uncontrolled laughter* Then, “No, they look good.”
My dad.

Yeah…sure. Ass.

Query: Do you wear glasses, meatbag? Do you require an apparatus to see roughly half as well as a droid such as myself can? It’s too bad the master is a meatbag.

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About Twindaddy (336 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

113 Comments on Last Man Standing

  1. Been wearing glasses since I was 10. Needed them much earlier but didn’t know my vision sucked. You can always graduate to contacts if you don’t like the glasses, but I think they look good on you 🙂

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  2. For future reference, even if Walmart doesn’t take your insurance, you may end up spending less out of pocket for your glasses there.
    I remember the day when I finally got glasses. I was used to having great vision. Even now my prescription isn’t that strong. My latest pair are for the computer, and the optometrist warned me that bifocals are in my future.
    I hate that man.

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  3. Am rapidly losing any chance of reading without glasses. Bought a pair for €3 but cannot face letting anyone see me wearing them. So any time I hear anyone I take them off and pretend I’m not reading. Even as I’m doing it I know it’s pathetic but I’m just not ready!

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  4. We are unable to have an opinion, unless you remove the mask. ; ) I’m sure you look just fine, cause as I’m sure you are aware . . . we are are own worst critics.

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  5. Welcome to the club. I need them for distance. I can’t see shit unless it’s a foot in front of me. You’ll get used to them.
    Maybe someone will call you a naughty librarian. Wait…that’s for chicks….
    Ummm…a naughty something!

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  6. I’m blind… and have been for a very long time. Got glasses in fifth grade, switched to contacts in seventh grade, and my vision has been steadily declining since then. My current contact perscription is -10 in both eyes, with a lower bump for my astigmatism too.
    Basically, when my contacts aren’t in, unless you are in my face, all is see is a color and shape, and if you move too far away, all I see is variations of color shades.

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  7. Lol, leaves are prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

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  8. Glasses will make you feel and look distinguished. It’s only a matter of time before I need them, as I’m the ONLY member of my enormous family who isn’t blind as a bat.

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  9. I used to wear glasses, then I got that fancy LASIK surgery. Been almost five years and so far so good.

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  10. Have a cookie, Stormtrooper, and celebrate the end of daily headaches.

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  11. The meatbag acquired glasses at age 12. The meatbag wore them until the meatbag completed 36 solar revolutions, at which time the meatbag got Lasek. The meatbag notes that the disorientation will pass. The meatbag recommends Lasek unless you’ve got farsightedness.

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  12. Been wearing my specs since 6th grade. But I feel your pain.

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  13. HAHA! Four eyes!

    Says the fish who got my first pair of glasses in 5th grade. Coincidentally, I’m going to the eye doctor at the end of the week.

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  14. I wear glasses. I’m supposed to wear them all the time but I get away with mostly wearing them for reading. I do get headaches when I haven’t worn them enough. You’ll get used to them. It also makes people think you’re smart, which is a bonus

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  15. I wear glasses ALL THE TIME! And I love them. I have worn them since I was 12 years old and am now blind as a bat. I couldn’t get away with not wearing them as i would possibly injure myself or others. Embrace the glasses – at least you missed the teasing of having glasses as a kid.

    Although admittedly I could do without guys trying to pick me up by saying i look like a librarian or kindergarden teacher…

    Ps. They look good on you

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  16. feh, no biggie, glasses are sexy. 🙂

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  17. I got mine at around 25 and I really like them. I can see, and I think I look better with them anyway. I wasn’t surprised when I got them. I’ve spent my entire adult life in front of a computer, bound to happen.

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  18. I love your mom’s response. I’ve had glasses since I was three and bifocals since I was seven. Plus, I’m farsighted so as Rants said, lasik isn’t a good option…plus, i have cataracts and will need surgery. The good news is that after the surgery, my eyes will glow in ghe dark, if the night light hits right. Whoo hoo, finally some good news! I’m only 44.

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  19. I may eventually.

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  20. I cried so much when I found out I needed glasses in grade 3. They figured it out when I declared I couldn’t read the words on the giant sign in the car wash line up. Then, on the way home from getting my new eyes, I shocked my mom and grandma by pointing out a large “new” building I had never seen before (it wasn’t new). I was that blind. Now, without my contacts, I couldn’t recognize my husband from 5 feet away. Good luck with the new eyes! At least you don’t have to go through high school with them! (>_<)

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  21. I’ve worn glasses for 30+ years. They do make you look smarter. But it really sucks when your eyes get so bad that you can’t read the damn alarm clock without them Or the stuff in the shower … sucks sucks sucks. So do headaches, though.

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  22. These are glasses, just a regrettable tattoo.

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  23. Insurance never covers eyeglasses (dental or hearing) satisfactorily.

    Personally, I love wearing glasses. I can read. I can drive. I can see the T.V. You know, I can see 🙂

    Maybe you’ll grow to appreciate them when you realize you aren’t getting headaches and seeing life in triple vision…

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  24. It’s funny the things that arise in life that are so monumental. Making adjustments to things, things we have no choice but to accept and adjust to, can be frustrating. When I read this, I honestly think to myself, ‘Sheesh … I somewhat envy your life adjustment of having to wear glasses. I’d rather have to adjust to that, then having to adjust to what I am forced to deal with.’ It has been a year and a half since my little brother was murdered. I am still adjusting. I am still not used to it. I am still bitter. I am still in so much pain that I would do anything to numb it for a day … those headaches are so, constant. I miss him. My brother was a great man. I hate that life has lead me to a time where I have to adjust to that. So … I read this and think, ‘He is so lucky to have that on his list of current life things. Can I trade my list in for a different one?’

    This also reminds me … Where are my glasses? Haha … I have them for reading and working on my computer, which I do ALL day long, but I never wear my glasses. I forget I even have them most times. Where are those dang things … ?

    Thanks for sharing. Hope you are well.

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  25. In my family, I am still the last one without glasses.
    And I remember that my eyes used to really hurt some days after staring into monitor for too long – but once I reduced the brightness of my monitor, that was no longer a problem. Glasses or not, you might want to do the same.

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  26. I’ve been wearing glasses since about the age of 13. The district nurses used to come around to our schools and give us our vaccinations and eye tests etc, so I decided to be a joker and purposely ‘failed’ the eye test. As it so turns out, when I went to the proper optometrist, I did actually need glasses! Now, 14 years later I still have 4 eyes, although on special occasions like weddings, or when I run a road race I do wear my contact lenses. It’s not so bad. I must admit that it does suck waking up in the morning and seeing only a blur. Just once in my life I’d like to wake up and actually be able to see!

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  27. I hate my glasses, but being able to see is cool.

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  28. I’m 33 and have been wearing glasses since I was 10. You get used to them. I did try contacts for a while, then stopped and went back to glasses, and now can’t wear contacts because they make me feel more self conscious than the glasses do. You will get used to them, eventually. Better that than permanent headaches.

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