False Emergency

” I want juice,” Baby C demanded.

“What do you say?” I replied.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!” he responded with a level of cuteness that should be illegal.

“Okay, I’ll go get you some juice.”

I sauntered into the kitchen to fetch him some juice. I had to wash a sippy cup for him since none were clean, so it took me a bit longer than I would have liked to retrieve his juice, but after a couple of minutes I had a full cup of apple juice for him.

I walked back into the living room where Baby C sat on the couch with my phone in his hand. “I talkin’, Daddy!”

I wasn’t immediately worried about this. I had my phone locked and I figured he was just pretending. As I drew closer to him, however, a quick glimpse at the screen on my phone revealed that a call had been placed. I snatched the phone from his grasp to get a closer look at the screen. At the top of the screen it read “ICE (In Case of Emergency) and had a list of one number on the screen: 911.

I immediately started mashing the portion of the screen where the disconnect button was. For some reason it took a handful of seconds for the call to disconnect. I then unlocked the phone so I could see if the call had actually connected. I navigated to the call history, which to my relief showed no successful calls to 911. I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and then took my phone across the room and placed it on my desk where he (I hoped) couldn’t reach it.

I put in a Bubble Guppies DVD for Baby C to watch and I laid down on the couch because tired. We had almost made it through an entire episode of little merchildren doing things that should be impossible underwater (and him jumping up and down on my back) when a cacophonous knock erupted from my front door.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

I knew who was at the door. Somehow I just knew. Family or friends wouldn’t pound on my door like that. Honestly, most of them would have tried to just walk right in.

I gently removed Baby C from my back and lifted myself from the couch. I strode over to the door, unlocked it, opened it, and, to no surprise, found a uniformed police officer standing on my door step.

“Sir, we’ve received numerous calls to 911 from this area tonight. Do you happen to know anything about that? Sounds it was just a kid playing on the phone.”

Fuck.

I glanced over to my sweet Baby C, who was hanging over the armrest of the couch, staring at the officer with his big blue innocent eyes. I then looked back to the officer and sheepishly admitted, “That was probably my kid. He got a hold of my phone when I was getting him some juice in the kitchen.”

“Is everything alright here?”

“Yes, everything is fine.”

“Can I see your ID, sir?”

Fuck.

I handed the officer my ID and he scribbled down some information from it. I was waiting for a citation from him since I hadn’t updated my address, but he just handed my ID back to me and asked again, “You’re sure everything is okay here?”

“Yes, everything is fine,” I assured him. I then apologized to him for wasting his time.

“Okay. If there’s anything else we can do for you don’t hesitate to call.”

With that, he departed.

Since then, my phone has been safely out of Baby C’s reach. I’m also expecting a letter in the mail charging me for a false 911 call, because I have nothing better to spend my money on.

That kid is lucky I love him.

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About Twindaddy (336 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

109 Comments on False Emergency

  1. Sarah Brekke // February 3, 2014 at 9:32 am // Reply

    Oh, I hate accidental 911 calls. Dealing with the police always puts me at panic level. I don’t know why really since I’m never guilty of anything.

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  2. Right?? He would totes do that, too.

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  3. Oh, Shit. Hopefully they’ll give a dad a break and not send you a bill. Lesson learned, no harm done and all of that jazz.

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  4. Love you, too!!

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  5. Bwahahaha kids and phones are recipes for terrible, yet funny times. My son once took a picture of his feet and messaged it to everyone on my phone…doctors, my work, his DNA donor who had been successfully out of my life for over a year. That was…fun.

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  6. Oh, Baby C. You got your Daddy in trouble, didn’t you?

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  7. Haha, I remember reading a mum’s blog post about her son calling the police (without her knowledge, of course!) to say that she wouldn’t let him stay up past his bedtime. Obviously they were in the area because they came around to see them… she was mortified and the child was suitably admonished!

    I used to think I was safe until I realised the keylock doesn’t stop someone dialling the emergency number.

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  8. oh man!! that’s funny and bad. but right now, it’s funny. i love that their parting words, if you need anything don’t hesitate to call…? yes sir, could you bring us more juice. 😉

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  9. 3 year olds are such a joy! I had to pay a fine while on vacation at the shore in NJ and then again when we got to Philly when yet ANOTHER call was made. Cuteness does save lives …. just ask my son! I have a nephew (also cute) who called 911 on his mother because she was “forcing” him to do homework while he was watching cartoons.

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  10. I hope my daughter doesn’t read this and get any ideas.

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  11. Deanna Herrmann // February 3, 2014 at 11:53 am // Reply

    Oh no! I had to laugh. My son has almost done that a few times. No he just manages to disable it. So….no more phone for him.

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  12. I like Baby C’s style.

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  13. Could be worse, you know. You could have dialed them accidentally. Then the officer would have been very unhappy.

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  14. I bet this happens thousands of times a day. I have an awesome story about the time I was watching a girlfriends house for the weekend while she went up to Humboldt County to get some… stuff… (she owned 40 acres there)… and the cops showed up and… I can’t really get into it here, but I couldn’t find the keys and I really thought I was… never mind… good post

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  15. My husband is always so paranoid that this is going to happen to us, but I always assure him that it never will. I guess I’m changing my tune now….

    The worst C has ever done is accidentally call our landlord. They were pretty annoyed, but yeah, no cops involved.

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  16. Lol, it could have been worse. You could have said fuckity fuck…Baby C could have repeated it in the officer’s company.

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  17. Oh my gosh I’m grinning! I’m so sorry, but that’s incredibly cute 😉

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  18. Very cute. Can’t help myself. : ) These are the moments where we are reminded not only of a child’s innocence, but the f’d up fear based and policed state in which we exist. This very thing happened to us, only they called back and asked if everything was alright. Not enough man power these days.

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  19. Hahaha. Guess it’s time to cut back your police force. Your reaction troubled me.

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  20. I was a bit nervous, yeah.

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  21. Said every kid in America. You need yo do stand-up comedy. I laughed really loud at this. & Now my son thinks I’m crazy. “Wutchu laughin’ at Mommy?! Da TVs not on!”

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  22. to* damn touch keypads to hell. Frigin’ typos.

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  23. This was really funny & cute but I imagine not so for you. :/ I remember my little cousin did this once. I’m waiting for my son to do it & I’m surprised he hasn’t already.

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  24. He was worried that it was taking you so long to get him his juice. How cute.
    I’m suddenly rethinking allowing the Little Prince to play with my phone… ever.
    I hope you don’t get a citation. That would suck.

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  25. Do you get charged for false emergency calls? That seems a bit rough if it was a one off and you explained it was your child. I guess you should take the silver lining that the police do show up to investigate 911 calls just in case

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  26. At least it wasn’t a psycho soon-to-be ex trying to make trouble for you.

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  27. Baby C — crime fighter in training!

    You should call the police — non-emergency line, apologize and make sure they won’t charge you. It’s better than being afraid of the mail!

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  28. Baby C too smart for his dad, maybe? I think he’s setting you up. Clever…

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  29. Also, I’m going to put a wake up code on my phone, like right now. Will do the same for my wife’s. I don’t need the grief, man!

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  30. Haha! This post the most legit smile on my face, I love it. That is so funny. And pretty freaking amazing that the cups showed up based off some calls from a cell phone– that should make you feel safe!

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  31. My niece once dialed 911 on her mother’s phone and thought she was talking to her grandpa, “Papa-Man”. It was really cute until we realized who she was actually talking to.
    This was cute, as all things related to Baby C seem to be, haha.

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  32. Apparently here in the UK the emergency services get the most calls on Christmas Day from kids who’ve been given phones as presents, but because they’ve not been registered, they can only call 999 or 911 or 121 (the emergency numbers here). Which must be pretty grim for the poor folks having to work on the end of the phone!

    Cute Baby C.

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  33. Oh My GAWD that was funneh!

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  34. I remember dialing random numbers on the phone when I was a kid (though a bit older than Baby C). Lord only knows who I all wound up calling… but at least I don’t think we had 911 service back then….

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  35. I was lucky, none of mine ever called 911. My son however was great at making random long distance phone calls anytime I needed to walk out of the room.

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  36. And now you have another great story to embarrass him with when he starts bringing girls to meet you!

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  37. I’m so thankful my kids grew up to teenhood before the advent of cell phones!

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