It started at as it normally did; an email from him saying he had a computer that wouldn’t boot and he was going to send it to me to fix.
This Desktop is beeping and the red light on the front is blinking. It sound like the Bios or the motherboard maybe bad. I’m sending it to you could you please check it out and send it back.
He is one of the most incompetent IT guys I’ve ever had the “pleasure” of working with. Thankfully, he worked in another office so I never had to deal with him face to face. I just had to endure his incessant and idiotic questions over the phone and via email.
I received the desktop last Thursday. I took it from the box and placed it on my desk. I connected a monitor, keyboard, and mouse to the machine. I then plugged it in and flicked the power button. Sure enough, instead of the green indicator light illuminating it began blinking red and cacophonously beeped 5 times in succession. Generally, when an HP computer beeps five times it means there’s something wrong with the memory.
I unplugged the machine and popped the cover off. I immediately knew what was wrong with the memory upon gazing into the machine’s innards. There was no memory at all. I repeat: this machine had no memory. Four empty memory slots were staring right back at me.
This is something even the most novice IT person should know to check. A computer, of any sort, will not run without memory. Not your desktop. Not your laptop. Not your smart phone. Not your tablet. Absolutely no computational device can run without memory. The very fact that this tool couldn’t figure this out without my help irritated me greatly. I was fed up with his ineptitude.
I responded to his original email with the “reply all” button, which meant that my boss and my boss’ boss would see my reply.
There is no memory in this machine, Dilweed (<—not actually his name). That’s why it won’t start.
Not long afterward, I received an email from the project manager inquiring why I would deploy a machine with no memory in it. The answer is quite simple; I didn’t.
I checked the machine’s history in our asset management software and found it had been in that office for almost 2 years, and had been in use up until a couple of months ago, which meant that someone in that office had taken the memory out of it.
What began with anger at my coworker’s incompetence had led to the discovery that someone had been stealing company property. It never occurred to me that the memory had been stolen, though in hindsight it makes perfect sense. Of course, who would be stupid enough to steal memory out of a computer and then send that computer to another IT guy for repairs because it wouldn’t boot? Well, that guy.
Later that day, my inept coworker turned into my former coworker.
It surely wasn’t my intent to get this guy fired, but it was long overdue. This guy couldn’t do anything right and we repeatedly had to explain the same things to him. I’m sorry he lost his job, but he had no business working in IT. Hopefully, he’ll land on his feet quickly.