Who is Responsible For Your Happiness?

I sat comfortably at my desk, sipping on my morning coffee, scrolling through my Facebook feed as I do every morning while mentally preparing myself for another mind-numbingly monotonous day at the office, when I happened upon a post which caught my attention.

This post elicited a strong emotional response from me, but not for the reasons you probably think. First, let me just say that if devoting all of his time and energy to making Angelina happy makes Brad happy, then more power to him. I’m certainly not in the business of telling people how to live their lives. At least, not any more. Not that Brad would care what I think about his life anyhow.

That being said, let me carefully dissect this quote.

The very crux of Brad’s words is something I’ve struggled with before. In the past, I’ve had the responsibility for another’s happiness laid bare at my feet. I was told it was my responsibility to keep another soul happy. I was told I wasn’t doing enough to make that person happy. I was also told nothing specific about how to make that person happy; that I needed to figure it out on my own. The problem with that is, if I’m living for someone else I’m not living for myself. If I’m focused on another’s happiness, I cannot focus on my own. I have a problem with that. I have only one life to live (YOLO!) and I have no intention of spending that life dedicated to the happiness of another.

I think it’s great that Brad recognized his bride was in such dire straights. It means that he cares about and pays attention to her. How he addressed the situation, however, is where he lost me.

In this trooper’s Imperial opinion, every single being is responsible for his or her own happiness. Nobody should be dependent on others to make them happy. It’s no one else’s job. If you’re unhappy you need to peer into your soul, into your heart, and discover what pieces are missing from your happiness equation. Quite frankly, depending on others to make you happy is the very epitome of selfishness. You’re making others do work you should be doing for yourself.

Brad says “I began to shower her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised and pleased her every minute. I gave her a lot of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends.” That’s great, but when did he have time for him? When did he do the things that he wanted or needed to do? At what point can he possibly live for himself if he’s busy living for her? Why is it his responsibility to cater to her every desire?

Relationships are hard. They require a great deal of effort to maintain. One party should not be putting in all the work while the other reaps all the benefits. Brad would have done better for her in the long run if he had encouraged her to seek professional help. She was obviously unwell if her weight had dropped to 90 pounds and she consistently carried bags under her eyes. Lack of sleep and loss of appetite are two very common symptoms of depression. She needed professional help, not shameless asskissery. Perhaps showering her with love and making her the center of his universe has eased the symptoms she was experiencing, but what happens when she’s no longer the center of his universe? What happens when he inevitably tires of living for her? What happens when he’s no longer there to worship her like she’s some sort of goddess? What happens when he’s away filming a movie? Or, as Hollywood couples frequently do, they split up? Who will be responsible for her happiness then?

Brad also goes on to say, “the woman is the reflection of her man.” That statement, more than any other words in this quote, disturb me the most. A woman, or a man for that matter, should only be a reflection of her, or his, self. Does he seriously think that Angelina should look in the mirror and see a reflection of him? That she should see his morals and values instead of her own? That she should see his likes and dislikes? That she can only experience happiness if he’s there to provide it? Poppycock, I say. A good relationship is equal. A good relationship involves give and take. A good relationship requires the mutual effort of both parties. A good relationship encourages and supports the individuality of each partner. A good relationship requires two people who both know what makes them happy and a willingness to let each other explore those things which make them happy.

This Facebook post has been shared over 1.1 million times in the past 6 months. I can only assume that most of the people who shared it did so because they agreed with Brad’s sentiments or thought it was extremely romantic on Brad’s part to spoil his woman. Frankly, the idea that women should be so spoiled by their men, an idea which is perpetuated by books and movies, is unrealistic and makes for lopsided relationships. I was once expected to do all sorts of romantic things for a particular woman. Things that she never, ever did for me. I found it hypocritical that she expected things of me she would never reciprocate. I was indignant to have the responsibility for her happiness thrust into my hands and told to nurture it with romantic deeds.

I am by no means suggesting that a man should not take the time and effort to occasionally do something extraordinarily nice for his wife. Flowers. A surprise date. A romantic note. A loving poem. A thoughtful gift. But a relationship is a two-way street and a woman should be equally willing to return those romantic deeds. This idea that it is solely incumbent upon the man to stoke the flames of love is ludicrous, especially in these days of equality. This may surprise you, ladies, but men like to feel loved, too. We appreciate a kind gesture just as much as you do.

As you can tell, pretty much everything about this quote rubbed me the wrong way. Quotes like this perpetuate the idea that it’s a man’s job to make a woman happy while strengthening the idea that a woman cannot, and should not, make herself happy. That idea grates on my nerves like nails across a chalkboard. Woman can and should make themselves happy by finding and doing whatever it is that makes them happy. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you are responsible for your own happiness and any partner you have who does not support you in that endeavor is not the right partner.

Wise words? Hardly. Those seem more like destructive words to me.

 

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About Twindaddy (334 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

156 Comments on Who is Responsible For Your Happiness?

  1. “In this trooper’s Imperial opinion, every single being is responsible for his or her own happiness. Nobody should be dependent on others to make them happy. It’s no one else’s job. If you’re unhappy you need to peer into your soul, into your heart, and discover what pieces are missing from your happiness equation. Quite frankly, depending on others to make you happy is the very epitome of selfishness. You’re making others do work you should be doing for yourself.”

    Truer words, my friend. I’m all for being supportive and my husband does a good job when I’m in a funk. Eventually though, he looks at me and says, YOU need to figure out what you need to get through this. Do I find it cruel? Unloving? Unsupportive? Absolutely not. He just knows that he can only do so much and then it’s up to me (or a doctor) to do the rest. It’s usually the push I need to put on my big girl panties and move on.

    I find that relationship odd anyway.

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    • I’m more than willing to help, but I won’t do all the work. At some point you have to take control of your own destiny.

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  2. i mean we all need support and to know our loved ones are there for us and of course willing to make an effort toward our happiness but that sounds ‘crazy’. she needed medical intervention.

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  3. “A good relationship is equal. A good relationship involves give and take. A good relationship requires the mutual effort of both parties. A good relationship encourages and supports the individuality of each partner. A good relationship requires two people who both know what makes them happy and a willingness to let each other explore those things which make them happy.” – pearl of wisdom. Relationship is a two-way street. I agree with you completely, friend. I have seen the post being shared by so many accomplished men and women on my friend-list and each time I wondered what they loved! I have a post half finished on this topic. But I never published because I knew in real world I’m one in that minority group who didn’t utter “Aww” or “How cute!” after reading Brad’s words!

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    • Honestly, I think she’s worse off for what’s he’s done than better off. I guess it seems sweet on the surface, but all he’s done is made her even more dependent on him.

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  4. I think context is important here. (All I’ve read is your post – I have no interest either in fb or b&a.)
    In the areas I can, I very much take responsibility for my wife’s happiness – not in making her happy, but in being supportive, letting her know I’m there, and being there to share the hits and the misses. And she does the same for me.
    Also, there’s nothing here about the other side of it – does she do the same for him? Are they there for each other?
    Your response based on what you describe in your relationship makes perfect sense.
    If b&a have a good relationship of equals, then what he is doing for her when she needs it makes perfect sense too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 1:13 pm // Reply

      If he’s devoting every moment to her happiness, as he says, how could she even have a chance to reciprocate?

      “In the areas I can, I very much take responsibility for my wife’s happiness – not in making her happy, but in being supportive, letting her know I’m there, and being there to share the hits and the misses. And she does the same for me.”

      That’s what it’s all about. Being there and being supportive. Ultimately, though, if she’s ever unhappy it’s up to her to fix it, not you. You can absolutely help, but the initiative has to be taken by her. And that’s the same for everyone. No one else can make me happy. It’s no one else’s job to make me happy, nor should it be.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Everything I’ve ever read from Brad Pitt seemed to indicate that he was more intelligent than this quote suggests, and also more reticent. I have a hard time believing he said those things. That could be because of his role in Thelma and Louise. Anyway, I agree with you. That’s just dumb.

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 1:13 pm // Reply

      To be honest, I don’t pay attention to e-news, and only saw this because someone shared it on my FB feed.

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  6. everygirlsfairytale // May 22, 2014 at 12:59 pm // Reply

    Wow, I love your perspective on this. Initially reading, I admit I didn’t see anything wrong with what he said but seeing it from this angle I can see how unstable that balance might be

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 1:17 pm // Reply

      Thanks for reading. I just don’t think it’s fair for the burden of one’s happiness to be placed on another.

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  7. Who knows if Brad even said all that? IMHO, based on this quote, Angie is a narcissist who can only be happy when draining the life force from someone else. It sounds disturbingly like my past relationships. Brad is giving everything and when he’s an empty husk Angie will move on. She needs professional help, and he does, too, if he’s willing to give up himself to try to make her happy and only sees himself as a reflection of her.

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  8. I agree with you completely. This idea that anyone other than myself is responsible for my happiness implies that I am unable to contribute towards the care of it myself. I love my husband dearly. I do things to make him happy, because I like for him to be happy. At the end of the day though, his happiness is HIS decision and vice versa. There is nothing uplifting about this quote. If he loved her, he’d have gotten her to see she needed help, because one day he won’t be there to be in charge of her happiness and if she doesn’t learn how to take care of it herself, she’ll be worse for it.

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  9. Reblogged this on The Modern Day Fairy Godmother and commented:
    A great article! I would like to add that the reason why we should make another person happy is because the essence of who they are is a bonus to our happiness, not a foundation for it. You need to be happy first within yourself and then making an another person happy should be recipricol on the part of both you and your significant other

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  10. I thought you were responsible for my happiness…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Loved your take on this! Truer words were never spoken! Each partner in the relationship needs to give 100% to the relationship! Relationships take work & both partners have to be willing to do the work they need to do to keep themselves happy & in turn make their partners happy. No one can be responsible for my happiness except me! I have to CHOOSE to be happy & then make it happen in whatever way works for me.

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  12. I’ve always said happiness is a responsibility. Not a choice. Not a privilege. Not a right. But a must. I so agree with you! I’ll never forget what a therapist once told me (between sniffing his Vicks stick, I swear the guy had an addiction) about how we are instructed in a plane, in case of emergencies, to put on our own air mask before assisting others. This has been my biggest life metaphor. Help yourself first and always.

    Brad is hopeless. He’s confusing love with being a crutch. If he really loved her, he’d tell her to get help. If he loved their (how many are there?) children he’d force her to get help. She needs some serious tough love, and a good slap across the face.

    I guess he must be a fan of Van Gogh, I wonder how far he’d go to show his love?

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 1:35 pm // Reply

      I don’t know, but I’m sure he’ll eventually come to his senses.

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      • I doubt it. But it’s not my problem, I’ve had my hands shoved down my toilet all morning trying to fix that. If I can’t fix a toilet, how can I fix a man and a woman I don’t even know even if they are so damn beautiful…

        😉

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  13. This “secret of love” letter, attributed to Brad Pitt (about Angelina Jolie) is actually urban legend. Someone wrote it, but it wasn’t Brad, and it’s not about Angie. 🙂
    Anytime I see anything viral on Facebook, be it a “click like to help this chicken get forty million carrots” or any other such nonsense, I google a few words in the entry to see if there is a hoax behind it. Snopes usually gives me the skinny. 🙂
    Maybe I’m just a giant cynic, but I usually question everything I read on Facebook. 🙂
    http://www.snopes.com/glurge/secretoflove.asp

    Liked by 3 people

    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 1:37 pm // Reply

      As I said to another commenter, my problem is more with the message and not who said it. This thing has been shared by literally a million people, most of whom think this is a great message.

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      • I wonder though, TD, how many rave about it, share it, think it’s a great message just because they believe it was Brad Pitt who authored it? In this pop-culture-obsessed world, I don’t put it past people to simply glom onto a message (or brand of jeans or coffee or whatever) just because their favourite star likes/does that thing.
        Again, maybe I’m just a cynic.

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    • I knew it sounded not like Brad wrote that!

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  14. I got a paragraph into that about a week ago and immediately questioned it’s validity. It’s troubling how humans idolize movie stars and anything that is said by this very small percentage of our population. Strange stuff.

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  15. I would really like to stamp my feet constantly in my vehement AGREEMENT with what you have just said… that post bugged the shit out of me too. thank you for refuting it!!

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  16. Doesn’t matter who wrote it or why – you’re right and I’m sitting here violently concurring with you not like a mere doctor, but like a neurosurgeon. This is the biggest lesson I learned from my recent split. I can’t make anyone happy but myself. That job’s tough enough for someone like me.

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  17. Whoever said it, it smacks of Transactional Analysis. Remember that was all the craze about 30 years ago? It basically said that a person can only communicate with you when they are addressing the corresponding part of your personality and you are answering from that part. So if your kid is addressing your “parent” from their “child”, you will only be able to communicate if you answer from your parent to their child. If they are being unreasonable and you try to resolve it by responding to them from your adult, the communication will fail. I use that as an example because most parents have experienced that. The only way to make it work is to sit them down and explain that you want to communicate adult-adult and not child-parent. That requires some time. Adult relationships follow the same rules. If the woman is speaking from a place of “protect me” and is addressing the man’s “your responsibility”, he has no choice but to respond in kind. Any other form of response, such as, “you are responsible for you” will result in a complete breakdown of communication. If the woman insists on speaking from “protect me”, she will eventually find a male who wants to communicate on that level, and then healthy or not, they have a relationship. Any attempt to change that will likely result in the breakdown of the relationship. As you can see, it takes two to make this work, and once it is established, it is unlikely to change because both participants have to want to change simultaneously. And why would they when they can just find another participant who will fill their needs? It is unhealthy and dysfunctional and it is also common. It doesn’t seem to have much to do with intelligence and it inevitably fails when one can no longer satisfy the other. Just to be repeated.

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  18. It’s a weird idea indeed. You cannot keep this up and when the other starts to suffer because of it, then the very much praised partner will most likely get even more sad because the other is sad. You should never live fully for other people I think. Your own sanity is up to you to keep alive because other’s won’t do that for you…

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  19. I dry-heaved reading Pitt’s words. Your entire post I can respond to in three words: My Thoughts Exactly.
    GAWD, how obnoxious that he had/chose/whatever to cater to her like that. Seriously? She sound so damn high-maintenance…..I can’t even……

    they deserve each other.

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  20. This was written by a wise trooper. I agree almost completely. It is up to each of us to find our own happiness, and if we can’t do that, well then we aren’t going to be terribly happy. My husband is one who expects external forces to make or break his mood (fortunately he doesn’t expect me to kiss ass the way Brad did). He is often disappointed and that makes me sad. Life has good and bad; happiness and sadness. It’s how you deal with them that makes all the difference.

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 3:24 pm // Reply

      I don’t expect external forces to make or break my mood, though they often do. If I’m put in a mood I dislike I do what I can to get myself out of that mood.

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      • That’s the best way to look at it. Sometimes turning a frown upside-down really does work (please don’t hit me!)

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        • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 3:31 pm // Reply

          Well, it’s not as simple as turning a frown upside down, but it’s exposing myself to things which will change my mood. Whether it’s my children, a funny song/movie, or a couple of drinks (please don’t hit me!) I find something to change my mood because I HATE being depressed, sad, or angry.

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          • I have a low misery index. I just can’t stand it either. And I used to be able to change my mood — depending on the reason. I lost that ability when I was sick, but I now find myself being able to do it again.

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          • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 3:38 pm //

            I’m glad to hear that.

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  21. Natalie DeYoung // May 22, 2014 at 3:25 pm // Reply

    I agree. It’s great to be a good partner and support/love your spouse, but no one should be the center of your universe.
    I have depression, and sometimes my husband will kindly ask, “Is there anything I can do to make it better?” And truthfully, no, there’s not. It’s nice he asked, but I know it’s a thing within myself that has nothing to do with him.
    Word.

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 3:27 pm // Reply

      Sadly, my last partner didn’t understand that. She mistook my depression is me being upset at her. It would be great to have someone who just understands.

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  22. When a relation starts to go sour neither party is happy. I think sometimes it takes one party to wake up and say; you know what I haven’t been the husband/wife I should be. Once that happens and they begin to make the effort again then hopefully the other party will begin to re-participate as well. Sometimes, there isn’t anything left and you have to move on. But I think what Brad intended on saying is not that he was responsible for her happiness but by making her happy he was in turn making himself happy. Sometimes paying it forward works… Here is to hoping!

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 3:38 pm // Reply

      That’s not what I got out of this at all. He said she’d lost weight and never slept (signs of depression) and said he lived for her (basically made everything about her).

      If either party is unhappy there should probably be some form of communication about that. One person shouldn’t just take it upon him or her self to change something in the relationship without the other knowing what’s going on.

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      • Have you ever seen Fireproof. I don’t think it is a movie you would watch but the idea was that a wife was leaving her husband…or vice versa

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fireproof_%28film%29

        basically it describes a 40-day challenge meant to improve marriage by changing the way a spouse is treats the other.

        I’ve seen the movie…I cried…but it is hard to do the things described but it seemed like good advice to me.

        However, I DO understand what you are saying…I really do…and depression is something that takes medical treatment…if it is just sadness then maybe the LOVE DARE would work.

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  23. My opinion is that there are certainly things which other people can do that help to make us happy, but it’s not their responsibility. If there is something about my life, my body, my health, my job, my surroundings – whatever, that makes me unhappy, it’s MY responsibility to fix that shit. If you, as my friend, would enjoy doing something which you think would cheer me up, that’s awesome. But that’s up to you.

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  24. Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 3:53 pm // Reply

    Thanks, Mer!!

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  25. What did she do before he came along? She has done just fine for herself both publicly and privately before they got together. Yes, it’s great that he is worried and concerned but she survived a lot of years before him . Support is great but don’t smother. Her or yourself.

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  26. I completely understand where you are coming from. I AGREE 100% we all are responsible for our own happiness and well being. I also cannot speak for Angelina, but from my own personal experiences, the love and care I have received from my husband while going through a really difficult time in my life has not only helped me learn to be happy and LOVE him, but it taught me to learn to love myself which is the key to experiencing happiness.

    You know a little of my story, so I kinda needed that special attention. Not forever, but for a time to be able to be nurtured and cared for. Maybe thats what Angie needed? Who knows…
    Was it my hubbys job to take care of the little girl that wasn’t taken care of as a child?? No.. but he did anyway. I don’t even know why.But I thank God everyday for that because for me it helped.
    I don’t need my husband to devote EVERY waking moment to me EVERY single day (honestly we might divorce that way cause we would drive one another crazy) … but it was nice that he had 7 years ago when I was in the worst spot of my life.
    There was a point when I couldn’t do it on my own. I tried and did my best for many years until I couldn’t anymore… it almost killed me. Literally.
    I didn’t have the worth in me to know I could or how about… I SHOULD take care of my own happiness. But over the past few years he has taught me that I do matter and I’m worth it. I’m stronger today for it because I needed that fundamental love I had not received prior to adulthood.
    Maybe this is not the case for all… but for some like me this love and affection for a time being can be life changing. I wanted to change. I knew I wasn’t right in my head. I knew life had much to offer and I wanted that for myself I just didn’t know how.
    My husband leads a men’s Co dependency group for relationships struggling with this exact issue. I don’t believe its a coincidence he does. He definitely struggles with giving his all to not just me.. everyone. But what I know and realize is yes, HE (men) NEED LOVE TOO
    I will never take his love for granted. If anything I only and always want to repay him for the love given to me.

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 5:38 pm // Reply

      I do know a bit about your situation, and that’s not really what I’m referring to. Utilizing help to recover from something completely different than a man dedicating his entire life to a woman who won’t take her happiness into her own hands.

      I,too, am thankful that you husband was there for you when you needed him and that he helped you get back on your feet. That’s awesome.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. TD all I can say is “what you said”. Period.

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  28. I left Facebook behind a million miles ago because people can really spiral stupid on crap like this. I mean, it’s already a breeding ground for “OMG MY MAN IS THE GREATEST!!!” status updates which gets interpreted as “My man is better than your man, sweetie, eat that” and other ridiculous, obnoxious melodramatic chaos.

    I agree with everything you’ve said. I mean, as long as we’re on the subject of ridiculous folkways, herd mentality, and overthinking simple sayings: Yes, absolutely, relationships are a two-way street. They aren’t 50%/50%… each partner needs to give as close to 100% as they can. Why hold things back to only 50%? I think the original idea was to say each partner needs to give, so that hopefully, the average is balanced.

    And of course when celebrities are involved, things get petty. I think Brad and Angelie are real in their relationship, and that they are sincere about the causes they get involved in. But, the rumormill and the slag machine (a.k.a. tabloids and gossip rags) gets bored, and so there’s stuff made up to deceive people, to stir up the melodrama and assure self-pitying slobs that celebrities aren’t perfect. They aren’t, of course, but the stuff trash media comes up with… har.

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 9:42 pm // Reply

      When I say 50/50, I don’t mean each person only gives 50%. I mean that the total effort for making the relationship work is split evenly down the middle.

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      • Oh, yeah, sorry, I didn’t realize you had specifically said that, I meant generally, and I do think that was the original intent, that which you describe. But you understand how some people can misinterpret things, and I think the point I have described is that this is sometimes how people put it into practice.

        I wasn’t trying to make any accusations to you specifically and I apologize if it sounded like I was.

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  29. This is the first I hear of this post, and I thank Nancy for clarifying that this is a fake.
    I agree that each of us is responsible for our own happiness, but sometimes we do things that make our partners unhappy (usually unintentionally), and it is our responsibility to at least ask yourself things like, “can I stop doing this thing that makes my partner unhappy?”, “will I be unhappy if I stop doing that?”, “can we compromise on that thing so we can both be unhappy?” 🙂

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    • Twindaddy // May 22, 2014 at 9:45 pm // Reply

      Absolutely we should. But if you need to make fundamental changes to who you are to avoid making that person unhappy then you probably need to end the relationship.

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  30. lrconsiderer // May 22, 2014 at 6:29 pm // Reply

    Late to the party cos my internet broke BAD for two days and left me stranded, but…DAMN! You’re good. LOVE THIS.

    And yes. Professional help and the ability to be self-sustaining are SO important. It seems sweet on the surface, but really, he’s disabling her and might be causing more harm than good in the long run.

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  31. I could not agree with you more. He is not helping her by allowing her to go untreated. She should be getting help not being the center of someone else’s world. As a woman, I would be creeped out by any man behaving that way, even if he was my husband. I don’t want to be someone’s entire world.

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  32. I’m wondering if he was feeling really guilty about something…

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  33. I’ve seen that pop up on facebook before but I honestly can’t read something that long, if we’re being honest. Just did though and I’m with you… it’s off. I mean… to each his own, perhaps, but it doesn’t seem like the healthiest message to be sending around. It’s like he swung too far on the spectrum… My boyfriend will tell me “I am addicted to making you happy” but in the same breath he’ll remind me that I’m the only person controlling my actions or perspective. And why on earth would any woman want to be thought of as the reflection of ‘her man?’ No thanks, I’m good.

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  34. And, so the time came and went. Hahah No regrets.

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  35. Lol

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  36. I’ve never seen or heard that. That quote sounded like a parent, when read fast. I think a parent is responsible up until the age of 18…not for happiness, but to guide them to cope. After that, the parent can only observe. A significant other should never be held to that standard.

    No one will ever be responsible for my happiness or misery except me.

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    • Twindaddy // May 23, 2014 at 8:44 am // Reply

      Yes, a parent is responsible to teach his/her child that he/she is responsible for his/her happiness. I do what I can to let the twins know that what ultimately affects them is their decisions and actions, not those of others.

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  37. We are responsible for ourselves. Brad was in Troy ergo he cannt be taken seriously

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  38. Bravo! Loners like me have known this and lived by it for a long time. Anyone who thinks they are going to rely on me for their own happiness is gonna be awful damn sad about themselves…

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  39. I found that posting compelling and shared it with a comment of my own, I wish now I could find it. The crux of it was this.

    Every single person has low points in their lives. When we do, having a caring and observant partner is a wonderful thing, it smooths rough edges and helps glide us to wellness where we find balance once more. If this is the balance, it can’t be sustained, it is unhealthy.

    Brad’s statement isn’t entirely untrue, however it is incomplete. Happy partners are the reflection of each other.

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    • Twindaddy // May 23, 2014 at 8:48 am // Reply

      “Happy partners are the reflection of each other.” If I ever find a relationship like that I’ll let you know if that’s true or not. Sigh…

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  40. Deanna Herrmann // May 23, 2014 at 10:39 am // Reply

    Gat post, TD! You have to be happy with yourself to ever be happy with someone else. You can’t ever hold someone else responsible for your own happiness. Even if that were healthy and possible, what an assload of pressure to out on someone!

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  41. Well said, my friend. When I first read that on FB I thought, that’s rather sweet, but didn’t think of the other side of that. Truly, we’re all responsible for our own happiness and if we’re not happy, as you said, we need to take a hard look at ourselves and figure out what we need or what’s missing. I spent a year in a previous relationship where I was convinced to believe I was nothing without that other person. After that relationship expectedly dissolved I spent a lot of time (years) on my own trying to redefine myself and I decided I’d never allow myself to be in that situation ever again. I like to do nice things for people to show I care or to make them smile and add a little something special to their day but it’s no way shape or form my job to make anyone happy. Nor is it anyone’s job to make me happy. Besides it’s kind of empowering when you realize that you have that control.

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    • Yes. To everything you said…yes. I, too, have learned a great deal from my past relationships, and this is where I have arrived.

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  42. Very good points you make! My husband is selfless and is always showering me and everyone else with love. Even when we don’t ask for it, need it or depend on it. I am happy because I am me and do not expect anyone to be responsible for my happiness. I often shower him with kindness and remind him to think of himself and do things for him! All his 5 brothers are the same way. They are the type of guys to give away their kidneys to anyone in need but almost to a fault.

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    • I’ve been slowly learning to be less selfless. It sounds like a horrible thing to say, but if I don’t do things for myself no one else will.

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  43. Excellent, excellent points.

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  44. My partner and I both suffer from depression, and we’ll often talk about doing things to help each other and not one helping the other. We focus on keeping positive attitudes when we can, explaining what’s happening in our heads and hitting the gym together for a few endorphins. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t…but we’re a partnership. We do it together.

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  45. There’s a wonderful quote that I can’t quite remember, about how a couple should be like two pillars that hold the roof up, and not like two trees that have grown into each other’s space and got all entwined and tangled. Both partners have a responsibility to each other, sure, but they also have a responsibility to themselves.

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  46. Wow. I LOVE this post. It’s so true. My initial reaction to that FB post was…. How sweet and I wish my husband was like that…. Then I thought about it and pretty much came to the same conclusion as yourself, and so eloquently written!! No one will love me unless I learn to love myself. And as my hubby would say, she should stop whining and cooking Brad some dinner, watching someone enjoy eating your cooking (no matter how bad) makes any woman happy 😛 Again, great post!

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  47. Blasting that kinda bullshit online is probably for a stroke – not to benefit anybody else. But, it’s important to keep everybody up on stuff like this, so I’m glad to know that Brad is a martyr. He’s still one of my favorite actors though. Fight Club was the shit m/

    Good post.

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  48. Kristi Campbell - findingninee // August 20, 2014 at 12:42 am // Reply

    The further I read that quote, the more uncomfortable I got. I am not a big celebrity fan, or whatever, but admit that those two have a little place in curiosityville for me, but that quote made me a little sick and sad. Because you’re right. Also to put in the media that any of us are emotionally responsible for any others is sick and just feeds the self-hate problem. Because nobody will do that for any of us, unless they, too, are fucked up beyond belief, and of course, how could we trust them then?

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