Magical Rainbow Tunnel

I was startled awake this morning. I had just slapped the snooze button on my alarm clock (because, seriously, who wakes up on the first try?) and was just about back to sleep when a deep voice rattled the room and nearly made me piss my pants.

“AHEM!”

A dark-skinned man stood by my bed, arms crossed and a look of dire disappointment on his face. I couldn’t see his feet, but judging from this man’s posture and expression I would guess that he was impatiently tapping his toes. He was attired like Prince Ali Baba (Aladdin, people. Keep up with me.), except his clothes we sparkling as if they’d been bedazzled. Or glitter-bombed. It’s refreshing to know Michael Jackson’s tailor found work after he passed.

Like this, except the smile was upside down and the clothes were sparkling like a Mr. Clean commercial (Advert, for you crazy Brits.).

“Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my room?” I asked him crazily. I didn’t mean for it to sound crazy, but I had just been startled awake, there was a strange man in my room (dressed like an Arab prince, no less), and I hadn’t had a single drop of coffee. I wasn’t sure which of these things was the most dire. In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t still asleep and stuck in some bizarre dream.

“I am a genie, but not your typical genie,” the Arabian prince(ss?) responded.

No words were necessary to convey just how skeptical I was of this man’s claim. I felt the pressure on my eyes as my eyebrows sunk as low as they possibly could. My slack jaw was agape. My facial expression was the instant message equivalent of saying “………”.

The self-proclaimed genie continued. “I am a genie, but my wish-granting capability has been severely limited. In fact, I only have one power so I can’t really grant wishes. I’m not even sure why I still refer to myself as a genie.”

“That’s great. Really, it is,” I interrupted. “Let’s get to the part that explains why you’re in my room, waking me up, and dressed like a glitter-bombed Arabian prince.”

“Ha ha,” the “genie” chuckled humorlessly. “Let’s don’t be an asshole, mkay? I’m here to do you a favor.”

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. And that favor is?”

“I can build you a magical tunnel that will quickly and secretly connect your home with the location of your choice — anywhere on Earth. Where would you like me to build that tunnel?”

Well, this HAS to be a dream, I thought. This is one of the most asinine things I’ve ever dreamt, too. 

“That’s an awfully odd thing to be able to grant. Especially in this day in age where anywhere on Earth can be reached in a matter of hours.”

“Not like this,” the genie rejoined, a prideful look on his face. “The magical tunnel I create for you will allow you to travel it instantaneously! If your tunnel connects to Myrtle Beach you’re there just like that!” the genie cried while snapping his fingers for emphasis. “It’s like, ‘Beam me up, Scotty!’ So where would you like to go? Vegas? Miami? New York? London? Hawaii?”

I knew this was a dream, but I saw no harm in playing along. The worst thing that could happen is that I woke up. I considered this proposition carefully. Where would I like to go instantaneously? Oklahoma, where one of my best friends resides? England, where another does? Australia, where my BFFFL lives? Myrtle Beach? Disneyland? California? The possibilities were endless! After I thought about it, though, the answer was quite simple.

“Detroit.” I answered.

Ah, Detroit, Pearl of the Orient!,” the genie said in a pitiful imitation of Gex. “Really… DETROIT? Out of all the places in the entire world you could go, you want to go to Detroit on a regular basis? For the love of Robin Williams, WHY?”

“Easy,” I retorted. “The majority of my family lives there and I rarely get to see them. In fact, I haven’t been back in years because I just haven’t had the money to go. Gas is expensive, as are hotels. With your magical tunnel, I can travel there in an instant and come back when I’m finished. No gas or hotel needed. I can save money to go to those other places.”

The genie considered this momentarily. “I see. I think I understand. This decision cannot be undone, though. Are you sure this is where you want your tunnel to lead?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okie dokie. One magical tunnel to Detroit coming right up!”

The genie pulled a wand from his pants. I almost asked what else he kept in there. Or where, precisely, that wand was hiding this entire time. He began waving the wand around erratically while chanting in some language I did not recognize. One of the books on my Star Wars shelf began glowing. As the genie’s chant grew in intensity, so did the glow of my book. Closer inspection revealed that the glowing book was A New Hope, which seemed fitting somehow. The genie’s chants eventually ended, and the glow faded.

“What did you just do to my book?” I asked quizzically.

“That book is the catalyst for your tunnel.” The genie opened the door to my living room closet. “This door normally takes you to the Star Wars universe, yes?”

I nodded.

He closed the door, then pulled the book out about halfway. He then opened the door again. There was a magical, multicolored glow emanating from somewhere inside the closet. He looked at me with a smirk and said, “Follow me.” He then entered the door.

Intrigued, I followed him.


Audience Participation Time!

Where would you build a magical tunnel to?

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About Twindaddy (328 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

49 Comments on Magical Rainbow Tunnel

  1. Great post. Beautifully written and fleshed out. Stands alone as a short story, too. The genie has character. You just won my personal top prize for best post of the week.

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  2. Seriously loved this…. Great! Magical! But where would I build a tunnel to? …. I will have to give that a serious think over…………. 🙂

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  3. I’m a sucka for A New Hope references. Episode 7 awaits us, TD.

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  4. Hmm…too many places to choose from, TD. If I had to pick one, it would be Bruges, Belgium. A magical, medieval town. Beautiful place, amazing food and more variety of beer than you know what to do with.

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    • Well, I’ve yet to meet a beer I actually like, so that wouldn’t really entice me all that much. I would love to explore Europe some day, though. Any part of it, really.

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  5. I love the way your post proceeded.The whole thing, amazing ❤ I love he way you described each detail.

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  6. What a fun post, TD! That would be so amazing if it could be true. Let me think, where would I want my tunnel to lead to? Hmmmm….I would have to say any beautiful beach in the world. The beach to me is so therapeutic and healing. If I could escape at any time and regain my strength and spirit by basking in the sun for a while and sifting the warm sand off my toes – that would be incredible! Then I could come back to better deal with this difficult thing called LIFE.

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  7. Where, oh where would I go? I completely understand your desire to be with family. How nice it would be to drop in at anytime. In that case, I would choose San Diego, a nice destination anyway. Otherwise, on the Amalfi coast, somewhere in Italy or the Greek Isles. This magic tunnel idea is an enchanting one. Like the new blog name, TD.

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    • Thanks! I know a jester in San Diego I wouldn’t mind seeing. At least, I think he’s in San Diego. If not, then he’s close. Dammit, I’m rambling…

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  8. Great writers leave us thinking how did that story end ? What could its finale have been and you have done just that. Wonderful writing.

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  9. What on EARTH is a BFFFFFFL?!

    Hm. Where would my tunnel lead…probably to the beach, in all honesty. Because even if it led to ‘Murica, I still wouldn’t have all of my friends there in the one place. Unless by virtue of poor geography, I can be vague enough for the tunnel to simply lead to ‘Murica (as a whole) and then *happen* to bounce to the right place depending on whom I wish to visit.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ohhhh this was fun! Very cool prompt and you handled so well. Love the magic. (before I forget, your blog looks awesome!)
    I would go to……Greece. I think. Yes, Greece. Why the hell not, right?

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  11. This was a very fun read TD. I enjoyed it from start to – finish?

    My tunnel would have to be to somewhere where big get togethers are always held and they have open bars and free buffet. Imagine how much money that could save.

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  12. Very nice. You sucked me in. : ) Although, one has to be “awake” to take on this kind of travel. And, not the “awake” you are accustomed to thinking/feeling. ; ) Now, talk about mind blowing and throwing a curve ball in the direction of one’s perception of what we have all been taught to believe. Hell of a ride.

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  13. This was a fun read! I honestly have to think long and hard about where my magic tunnel would lead. I really can’t even imagine having to make ONE choice.

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  14. Really enjoyed this post. Can I be a party pooper and say that I want a tunnel from my home to workplace? I can sleep in later, I don’t have to spend hours in traffic everyday, AND, if there was an emergency, I still have time to finish my dinner before heading back to work…. I like traveling the long way anyway cos when I am in a plane, it is the only time when NO ONE can ring me on my mobile!! Bliss!

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  15. Well, written, funny too 🙂
    I would build a tunnel to the city in Russia I should be going to in 11 days.

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  16. Winnipeg so I can see my kids.

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  17. Bali, that is where I would go. Or Tahiti, yeah maybe Tahiti.

    So well done TD.

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