I am fucking sick and tired of changing shitty diapers. I love Baby C like a Russian loves vodka, but that child has pure, concentrated evil coming out of his ass. I’m pretty sure the contents of his diapers sometimes violate the Geneva Convention.
So I have decided that I’m going on the offensive.
A couple of days ago I bought a couple of packs of toddler underwear and some flushable wipes. I have paper towels and Resolve (the cleaner and actual resolve). I have a four-day weekend and by gawd that kid will run around naked so his safety net is gone. I’ll reward him for successful uses of the potty. I’ll have Elmo‘s Potty Time playing on repeat. I’ll do whatever it takes, but this kid is going to learn the glory of sitting on the throne.
C is quite stubborn. He’ll resistant me. He’ll fight me. He’ll cry. He’ll whine. And so will I, but I’ll claim victory, ultimately. I have my mind set on this and I shall not falter. The era of poopy diapers is at an end. It’s a potty revolution.
I may come back from this a changed man. I may come back horribly scarred. I may end up committed. I may end up drinking again (not really, but that’s funny). I may not come back it all. But I can’t take this shit anymore (pun most definitely intended). It’s on like Donkey Kong.
Please, wish me luck. If you don’t hear from my by Monday, send help. If any of you have any helpful tips, I would appreciate them. My strategy right now is to throw shit at the wall and see what sticks, which could literally happen.
I have had enough, C! This means war.