Don’t you have something better to talk about?

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Gossip: idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs ofothers:

Gossip was something we all loved to do in high school. Ohhhh, Sally’s going out with Harry. Did you hear about Elizabeth and Tommy breaking up? Steve and Matt got in a fight after first period! Did you see what Charlene was wearing? Johnny said that if Zack gave him one more wedgie…

Something happened after I graduated high school…I stopped giving a shit about all that noise. I outgrew it. I don’t care about what people whom I don’t know or like are doing. I could care less who’s banging who, who got fired, who got written up, how someone got that promotion, or who said what about who. If it doesn’t affect me I…don’t…care.

Surprisingly, gossip didn’t outgrow me once I left high school. It happens at work. It happens among friends. It happens at church (not that I go anymore). It happens fucking everywhere. When I left the twins’ mother I was inundated with questions from coworkers about my sexual habits because, according to rumor, I was suddenly sleeping with 6 different women at work. I only wish I had been having that much sex, but it was all untrue. In fact, a month after I left my first wife is when I started dating my second, so I certainly wasn’t sleeping around.

Frankly, I was astounded and completely perplexed people were talking about me. Why? I mean, I’m a cool guy and all, but why did so many people care who I was allegedly sleeping with? None ya bidness, bitches.

Since I left that job I’ve worked a handful of IT jobs, mostly jobs with only a handful of coworkers. There are very few women in the IT industry, so if I was allegedly sleeping with any of those few I didn’t hear about it. Less coworkers means less gossip, and that’s one part of my current job I appreciate.

When I began blogging on WordPress, I was amazed by the supportive community. When I finally began revealing bits and pieces of myself, most notably after Superbitch (I’d like to remind everyone again that she picked out that moniker, not me) left me. I began to speak about my separation, my depression, and finding out how shitty a husband I had been. The support and encouragement I received from fellow WordPress bloggers floored me. Random people, and the couple of regular readers I had at the time, showed me love and congratulated me on my self-discoveries and for seeking help. It…was…amazing.

From that point forward I began accumulating blogging buddies. I connected with many fellow bloggers on Facebook and Twitter. Some of those connections went even further, but that’s a blog post I’ll never write, and you can’t make me. Unfortunately, some of the friendships I had cultivated have flamed out for some reason or another. It sucks, but it’s part of life.

Another part of life, I’m still finding out, is gossip. And rumors. I am continually amazed by the sheer amount of misinformation floating around cyberspace in the wake of some of these failed friendships. I get that there’s sometimes hard feelings, whether justified or not, but honestly it makes the person running their mouth look extremely petty. Don’t people have anything better to do with their time than create rumors? Wouldn’t, you know, moving on and living your life be a more productive use of time? I mean, if you’re talking about me then you’re wasting your time, especially if you’ve decided I’m someone you no longer want in your life.

Frankly, I don’t understand the inherent need some folks have to gossip. When I have an issue with somebody I don’t normally talk about it with others because I don’t like to make someone else look bad, even with the truth. For instance, I didn’t tell my mother about the abuse I’d endured at the hands of my first wife until after I had left. She didn’t come out and say she thought I was lying, but the look on her face was pretty much screaming it. “Well, you’re the one that’s there, so you’d know,” she told me at the time. Weeks later when my ex practically beat down her door and commanded my mother to make me come home my mom realized I hadn’t been lying and saw for herself how unstable my ex really was.

It saddens me when people feel the need to concoct untrue stories about someone to turn others against them. Does it really make one feel better to destroy someone’s character under false pretense? Do people derive some perverse joy out of turning one person against another with a twisted version of reality? Or are rumor mongers just assholes?

This morning another blogger told me that she had heard I’d done something rather unpleasant with a blog post a couple of years ago. I assured her that I did not, in fact, commit this act which had been described to her. Hours later, she apologized to me for even entertaining the idea that I had and told me she now knew I was telling the truth. I’m guessing the blogger either confronted the source or found another source. I really don’t know. I’m just glad the truth came out.

This is the sort of thing gossip can do. It can damage relationships. Friends turn on each other. Spouses separate. Bridges are burned. Bitterness. Hatred. Anger. (The dark side are they.) Distrust. It’s all so pointless and preventable. There is absolutely no justifiable reason to make shit up about someone else and spread that lie. You’re not just hurting your intended target, but you’re also hurting all the people who hear, and believe, the lie you’ve concocted.

So the next time you get pissed at somebody and feel the need to hurt them by perpetuating lies about that person, don’t. I nearly lost another friend (or at least her trust) because of that bullshit today, and it’s fucking reprehensible. And the worst part is, I have no idea who is doing it, so I have no one to get in touch with to resolve whatever the issue is this person has with me.

How would you like it if someone were gossiping or spreading rumors about you?

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About Twindaddy (330 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

73 Comments on Don’t you have something better to talk about?

  1. Eh. People talk too much. I could care less what anyone says about me – myself and my wife are the only two people whose opinions of me matter.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m with ya TD.

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  3. You seem to be caught up in the blog/social networking web. I asked you this before and I’m going to ask again . . . have you thought about lightening the load? Since I have come to WP, you have posted a few times (or more) on sour issues that have risen due to other bloggers and your interactions with said bloggers. Now, mind you, I’m not criticizing you, I’m just merely pointing out the facts. How do you define “friendship”?

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  4. Some people apparently have precious little going on in their life, if they want to spend their time talking about yours.
    And this quote is also a good explanation: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” Eleanor Roosevelt

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Adunno – the bounds of honour in the Blogosphere sometimes appear to be a pile of spaghetti, from where I stand – and they’re just as wibbly when you try to apply them, it seems. they confuse me, and it frustrates and saddens me when a strightforward (or so you might think) friendship here suddenly gets derailed because one of these lines did something unexpected.

    Or perhaps it’s just people.

    Another good adage to live by is “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” (coupled (probably) with some Pin-worthy picture and the add-on “…and some people wonder why I’m so quiet around them!”

    But yeah, gossip sucks. I’m glad you got things sorted out with your friend.

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  6. Jeez man that just sucks…….. I mean I understand the need to talk to someone about something if it is bothering you and to get it off your chest but gossip is just counter productive and vendictive. Words used in such a manner can really destroy and hurt. You would not believe the kind of lyies and gossip I have had to endure, when people were trying to break me and my spouce up – when we got together. WHY? And these were people I did not even know well. WHY dislike me so much…. when we hardly ever spoke??

    Sigh,…..
    And (HUGS)

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s amazing, isn’t it? I couldn’t IMAGINE trying to destroy someone’s relationship.

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      • Honestly I can’t fantom why these people did what they did…. I just don’t understand it. But I can honestly say they wanted to destroy my relationship with my husband…. It just made me lock myself up even more … not talking to anyone…. because whom can you trust in a world like this?
        Neither do I understand why someone is spreading vicous lies about you…. why?

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  7. Gossip says more about the person gossiping than the subject of the gossip.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Whenever there ar epeople, there will be this kind of stuff. Gossip, hate, annoyance, and so on. I don’t understand how you can spread lies about someone though. Talking about true events is one thing (in real life, I’m certainly doing that – it’s a social thing after all and however much you try, it’s almost impossible to avoid). Lies are way too far.

    In Dutch we have a saying that roughly translates to ‘high trees catch a lot of wind’. You know so many people in the blogosphere that you probably have become a high tree. However unfortunate that may be…

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  9. I’m feeling really left out that I don’t get to hear all this juicy gossip. 😉 Aside from that notion, I couldn’t agree more with you on this post. But in a way, I think being more involved in any kind of circle whether it be in your community, with your friends, or in the blogosphere/twitterland/facebooktopia you’re opening yourself up to be a topic. I am not saying you don’t have the right to defend yourself when it comes about, but it seems inevitable. I stopped having circles of friends once I was finished with HS. Most of my relationships with people are like dots on a map — they don’t know or talk to the others so I’m less of a subject. I didn’t plan for it this way, just kinda happened. And I don’t really know if I am a topic to be had on social media because I am not as active as I once was. They may talk, but I don’t hear anything. 🙂

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    • “I think being more involved in any kind of circle whether it be in your community, with your friends, or in the blogosphere/twitterland/facebooktopia you’re opening yourself up to be a topic.”

      I guess that’s true enough. Still doesn’t make sense to me.

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  10. List of X and Nancytex hit the nail on the head. Rumour mongering is petty, childish, and usually just a cry out for attention by the person spreading it. Responding or reacting is a waste of time and energy that could be much better spent elsewhere. Don’t get sucked in.

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    • The last thing I want is to get sucked in. However, I also don’t want this bullshit to affect my personal relationships, so I’m at a loss of what to do.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. In my life I have found that there are some people who thrive on chaos and drama. It’s like oxygen to them…they can’t live without it. I can get caught up in a discussion voicing my opinion and offering support but I don’t like to throw around untruths. I’m sorry you have had so much of this crap thrown in your direction. I can promise you this, if I ever have a problem with you (which is highly unlikely), I’m coming straight to you.

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  12. There is no point in gossiping about me — a middle-aged, happily married dog lover is pretty boring material.

    But I’m with you — there are some clicks — real life and online — that just have too much time on their hands. Go cure cancer for cryin’ out loud.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Gossip and the people who spread lies suck, but what I have the biggest problem with is those “friends” who know me well and are *still* ever-so-fucking-happy to believe a rumor started by someone they don’t even know that slanders me. I mean, WTF? It doesn’t even sound like something I would do! How can they entertain the thought for even a minute?

    A truly great friend would tell you immediately, citing the source, and you would have a good laugh that the liar would dare say something so stupid. Those are the people I keep around…

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    • I’m completely with you here, Sofia. It leaves me befuddled when someone who allegedly knows me not only believes a lie told by someone else, but then doesn’t even have the decency to question me about it. In the end, I’m better off without that person, but it still sucks.

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  14. Ay, Dios Mio! It does feel like we are back in high school! She said, he said…blah blah blah! I hate that stuff! Stay true to yourself, that’s what really counts.

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  15. It sucks how adults can manage to act so childish. I don’t know the details, but I hope this all sorts out

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  16. Tragically, gossip is a part of the human condition. It’s always been with us and always will be. Gossip is a money-making industry. You already know this. But it’s just awful when it happens to you. I’ve never been a target so I can’t imagine what it’s like. I don’t think I’m interesting enough or steeped enough in this community to be bothered with. I wouldn’t mind more attention, but not that kind.

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  17. Natalie DeYoung // September 13, 2014 at 12:14 pm // Reply

    First off, I love that graphic. Second, gossip pisses me off. It’s such a roundabout, passive-aggressive way of handling things. Out in the open, straightforward is best.

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    • Agreed. Often times, in my opinion, if you went straight to the person you had a problem with and talked to them about it you’d find out that there was some sort of misunderstanding.

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  18. I like to live by the rule that if a person is not there to defend himself, then it shouldn’t be discussed. That’s when gossip happens and rumors begin. I try very hard to stay away from it and to handle all conversations with diplomacy. And also: Save the drama for your mama. You’re safe with me, stalkee.

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  19. People love you so much TD. It is apparent by the support you have here. I hope you are able to feel it.

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  20. I had exactly the same kind of thing happen to me in high school. I was head over heels over a guy I had been seeing for months & our relationship came to an end suddenly when he accused me of infidelity (which was totally untrue – I have never been unfaithful to anyone I’ve been seeing my whole life) I was nursing my heartache by just spending time with groups of friends. Since my ex-boyfriend & I had been friends long before we started going out, some of the people in this group were friends of my ex-boyfriend as well as a future boyfriend. After about 6 months I started dating again when a friend of my ex-boyfriend’s asked me out. The date was not a pleasant experience since this guy assumed sex was on the menu & it wasn’t. Shortly after this I started to receive a lot of date requests & they all seemed to end the same way – with the guys getting handsy & me fighting them off. After a few dates I was totally disgusted with all guys. One of my girlfriends took me aside, she was very embarrassed to talk to me, but she had heard a rumor & thought I should know that the first guy I had dated after my break up had gone around telling all the guys in our school that I was “easy.” So all the guys who were asking me out after that had expected to get laid! I was furious of course & confronted this guy. He denied everything but I knew better. I found out later, this same guy had whispered in my ex-boyfriend’s ear that I had been unfaithful because he wanted to date me!

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  21. People who gossip have nothing else in their lives. That’s why they do it. It makes them feel whole, while not actually making them feel whole. That’s why they keep doing it. It’s like that internet meme, if you have a problem with me, it’s exactly that: YOU’RE PROBLEM. Hey, if they can’t stop talking about you, it’s obvious they’re infatuated with you. To hell with them, you’re better than that and both you and them know it.

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    • Frankly, I don’t feel like I’m worth anyone’s time. Surely these people have their own friends and family to worry about.

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      • Uh, you’re awesome and you’re worth your kids time, right? So you’re worth SOMEBODY’S time. And you’re worth my time, cause you rule. Even you should clearly see you’re above anybody who is a grown ass adult and still feels the need to gossip.

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        • Well, lol, my kids might differ on that. At least, the twins would.

          My point is people gossiping. They should have things more worthy of their time than me.

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          • Well yeah, of course they SHOULD. But the only things they care about are what they can gossip about. I think they talk shit about those they wish they could be, so that they feel better about themselves for that moment. So look at it as an honor. They all wish they could be you.

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          • Twindaddy // October 7, 2014 at 6:25 pm //

            Well, there’s only one me…thank Gawd.

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          • LOL I hear you there. I’m awesome and all, but I couldn’t handle another of me. Not sure the world could either.

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          • Twindaddy // October 8, 2014 at 8:55 am //

            RIght?? It would violate some scientific laws, I’m sure of it.

            Like

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