Only You And I Can Undo All That We Became

These times are troubled and these times are good
And they’re always gonna be, they rise and they fall

Clint Black – When I Said I Do

Once upon a time, today was a special day. There was a gathering of people. There was music. There was booze. There was a preacher. There was dancing. There was a celebration. There was love.

When I logged on to my computer this morning I looked down in the bottom right-hand corner of my screen to see what time it was. Then I saw the date: 10/18. Then it hit me.

We got married in an Elk’s Lodge. It was cheap because my dad was a member. It was convenient because we could have the ceremony and reception in the same place. It worked because it was the second marriage for both of us and we didn’t want anything extravagant.

We both had a couple of drinks before it started. You had some beer. I had a couple of SoCo and Cokes. At one point in the evening I was told our’s was the best wedding ever because never had there been another wedding where you could drink during the ceremony.

We promised each other we would be there for each other ’til death do us part. Six years later the only thing that has died is our love and our marriage.

In hindsight it’s easy for me to look back and see all the “dead end” signs. I noticed them as they cropped up. I just ignored them. I loved you fiercely and told myself as long as we had love everything else could be worked out.

I was wrong.

The night we were married we danced to the song When I Said I Do. In the song there’s a lyric that goes thus:

Only you and I can undo all that we became

And that’s exactly what we did.

Things were tough right from the start. We struggled for nearly two years to conceive a child. For two years something that should have been fun seemed like a chore. We watched the calendar. We had sex during optimum times, whether we wanted to or not. We abstained during non-optimum times…whether we wanted to or not. We both were tested. We both were medicated. We had treatments. It took its toll on us and I don’t think we ever recovered.

We both made huge mistakes even after you became pregnant. Mine was a failure to have my depression treated. Because of that failure, I was extremely moody and irritable. I snapped easily and often. I treated you poorly and I’m still ashamed of some of the things I said. Your mistake was to put your happiness in my hands. Instead of making yourself happy, you decided it was my job. You put that burden on me, but couldn’t tell me how to do it. It was like being given a map with no labels.

I can only speak for myself, but I think we’re better off. We have nothing in common. You’re very social and like to party all the time. I’m very introverted and prefer staying home. You like pop music. I like rock. I like sports. You like reality shows. You are very anal about housekeeping. Me, not so much.

In the end, I was left with a shit-ton of heartache, a drinking problem, and a beautiful baby boy. I’ve gotten over the heartache and the drinking problem, but I’ve yet to get over that little boy. And I probably never will. Our son keeps a smile glued to my face and I will forever be thankful I helped bring such a bright light into this dark world.

We would have been married six years today. Despite knowing that what happened happened for the best, it’s still a sometimes bitter pill to swallow.

Life goes on, though. Life just keeps going on.

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About Twindaddy (328 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

29 Comments on Only You And I Can Undo All That We Became

  1. Honest and heart-touching. Thank you for sharing Scott.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 😦 This is the kind of stuff that keeps me away from marriage. Some really decent people give it the good ol’ honest try & it just doesn’t work.

    It does sound like you’re both better off too. Your son is proof that it was worth all of it, though.
    *hugs*

    Like

  3. Cathartic, Scott. Remember this line from this post: “.. a beautiful baby boy.” Life sucks because our mistakes are also our greatest victories.

    This post is awesome. Get in touch if you need to vent.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. big fat *HUGS*

    Like

  5. Life just bloody sucks sometimes. But C’s a pretty humungous Silver Lining. That said, we all wish the awful shit didn’t turn out the way it did.

    This is very touching, and written without rancour, which is impressive. My thoughts are with you, dear chap x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My divorce this year was finalized three weeks before my 15th anniversary, it was rough. Reading this, I realize these dates might never pass without some twinge. You wrote this beautifully, soulfully. I can only say I am sorry for the loss but I think there was a great gift in there also, one that you might not even realize one that is beyond your son. It is the gift you have given to yourself, the gift of thoughtful seeing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nothing here to offer but hugs.

    Like

  8. It’s like you went through Hell and back again. You came through with a beautiful boy, and I hope this post means that you have lots of contact with him.
    Marriage isn’t for everyone. I’ve been married for 25 years and wouldn’t change a thing. But my brother has been divorced three times and I think he’s finally reconciled himself to “bachelorhood”. Oh, he has his “lady friends” but I think he’s happiest living alone and having friends with benefits 🙂 There’s all manner of living out there. Find the one that makes you feel good about yourself, that makes you content with yourself. Marriage is not always It.
    Thanks for sharing. Your post was heartbreaking but thoughtful and real.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, yes, I have 50/50 custody of him. If I could have him all the time I would.

      I think I’m pretty much with your brother on this one. I don’t foresee myself getting married again. And I have come to enjoy living alone. I’ve also learned to never say never, so who knows?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Indeed, who knows? I think my brother felt that getting married was something he was supposed to do, at least with the first two. The third one, well … I’m still scratching my head over that. He was old enough to know better but she was pretty sly. If it sounds too good to be true … 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautifully put, my friend. I hope that one day, the good lady Superbitch will be shown this, because, to me anyway, it shows how much you care about what you’ve learned from each other, and what you’ve gained from the time you had together. As well, of course, as Baby C, who is clearly a major bonus to both of you.

    Like

  10. Although this story is a sad story. I’m not going to have pity for you because you obviously made your decisions and you have to deal with them yourself at the end of the day. Both of you ended up making shitty decisions. You both could have had made better decisions but people are just people. We’re going to end up stumbling and falling anyway. It’s all about the decisions we make after the rubble, after the destruction and whether we pick ourselves up and sweep the dust off. And of course marriage isn’t for everyone because if it isn’t built on a solid foundation it’s not going to last. Screw self help or marriage counseling because some marriages weren’t meant to last anyway and that’s okay. We’re more than just statistics on a sheet. I hope you can overcome the issues of your past mistakes that hover over you like a cloud. That’s all I have to say and I hope you take it into consideration…

    Like

  11. Beautiful. It makes me happy and sad for you all at the same time.

    Like

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