The Wandering Trooper

For my pain I have none
After all is said and done
Now I’m back where I started

The Offspring – Race Against Myself

Today’s assignment, should I choose to accept it (and I think I have since I’m writing this post), is to editΒ my title and tagline. I’m not gonna do that, but I’ll at least write a post about why.

The name I chose for this here weblog isn’t really all that original, but it’s fitting and I really couldn’t think of anything better. Finding Twindaddy pretty much sums up my life right now. And my tagline (Self discovery after a second divorce and coping with depression) pretty much sums up where I’m at in life. I’m trying to find out who I am and what I want.

You see, I’ve never really had a chance to get to know myself. I never had wild younger years in which to sew my oats. I’ve been a contributing and responsible (so to speak) member of society since I was 17, when I had to chip in to help pay some bills and was entrusted with the care of a one-year old little girl every night. Then, from the time I was 20 to today (17 years later) I have been responsible for the well-being of people who misbehave, throw tantrums, and cry when they don’t get their way (I’m referring to children, not my ex-wives – but I can see where you might have gotten confused).

I don’t feel like my life has ever been my own. Even after I left my first wife it was only a month before I started dating my second one. My life has rarely been about me or what I want. And so, because I am a part-time father (I have 50/50 custody of all my boys – wish I had them full-time), I’m left wondering for much of my free time what to do with myself and I don’t have any answers right now. Do I want to stay single? Do I want to eventually get involved in another relationship? Do I want to get involved in a community project of some sort? Do I want to continue being a hermit? I have no answers to any of those questions right now. I could really use a whack on the head from Rafiki right now.

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You don’t know who you are!

Then there’s the mental health aspect. For much of the last two years, I have been on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride. In hindsight, a lot of that was probably my fault because I was drinking far too much alcohol. Alcohol and depression don’t mix well, kids. Since I stopped drinking a couple of months ago, my emotions have been fairly stable, so I think I’ve got that sorted out. As for the mood swings, they, too, have stopped since I went back on my meds, but I feel like I need to give that a little more time before I’m convinced that things are all right. It’s only been about a month, and sometimes it can take longer than that for meds to fully integrate with your body.

So I’m in limbo right now. I have a plan for the next few months, but nothing further. I need to get through Christmas first. Then, I’m going to move after I get my taxes back. The county I plan to move to has a much better school system than the one in which I currently reside, and I want Baby C to have the same educational experience the twins have had, which has been phenomenal so far. After that…I don’t know.

So even though the name I have chosen for this blog is far from original, it’s the one that is most appropriate for the time being. Perhaps some time next year I will have found myself (peek a boo!) and can change the name to something outrageously funny, which I would prefer.

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About Twindaddy (330 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

31 Comments on The Wandering Trooper

  1. I can sympathise – when I broke up with my ex, I felt a lot of the things you’re going through. An aimlessness, a despair at the thought of starting again in a new relationship, compared to the terror of being alone for the rest of my life. I’m glad that, after healing, I embarked on my current relationship because although it doesn’t define a person, it gives you things that you cannot get on your own. I still think I should be doing more with my life, I spend too much time sat on the sofa, drinking, watching TV etc. but I always seem to find excuses for getting out of something more active / strenuous etc. (Mind you, saying that, I’m back on the water in a canoe this Friday morning, and then again on Saturday afternoon, and I love that).
    Another great post Scott, and I know that given time things we be clearer and you will see a path for you. (Oh, and yes, I can’t wait to get over the shite-fest that is Christmas!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like Christmas. Mostly. I like the time with family and the time away from work. I don’t like the utter whoring of the holiday by companies, however. I digress, though.

      Christmas is expensive, which is why I have to get through that before I can move on with my other plans. Eek…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. stay true to yourself…. πŸ™‚ And this is an awesome post just so by the way…..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Keep your eyes open and your path will appear. It might take you by surprise, though… πŸ™‚

    Like

  4. I’m in limbo too so you are not alone…We can party in limbo until limbo kicks us out.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Time to do some self discovery is a good thing. You should try different things (what those things would be I don’t know for sure) but you will find something new to do if you go looking. And the more you know yourself the better a new relationship will be. Think happy thoughts!

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  6. Put your behind in your past πŸ˜‰

    And let me know where you move to, ready for next year πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My blog ‘ s name is unoriginal, but to the point. Clever is overrated. I once had a blog called “Cat Poster Wisdom” with the tag line Without the Cat Poster. Clever take on those gaudy “Hang in there” cat posters. But it really didn’t give my blog a direct focus.

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  8. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me // November 4, 2014 at 5:05 pm // Reply

    Scott, I can relate to what you’re saying about title and tagline. I have been trying to decide if I want to modify my tagline lately because the reasons why (I think) I started the blog have sort of moved into the past and we’re into a new phase of life. So does the tagline still work? I dunno yet. The title works so I’m sticking with it. Since nothing really jumps out and smacks me in the head, I’ll just hang with what I have and keep figuring out it whatever IT is) and myself and this thing called life as I go along. And believe me, the older I get the more I realize that life really does keep going along… Kind of makes me think of that line from Ferris Bueller – “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

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  9. TD, I see you change and grow all the time. And now is a good time to get your bearings. You have your priorities straight, the rest will come. I’m sure of it!

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  10. This makes so much sense, Scott. You are doing everything right! Taking it slow and improving your life one step at a time. That’s a lot! Don’t expect too much of yourself because you have already accomplished a lot in a couple of months. Take your time getting to know yourself. I like this mantra that I use often. “Right here, right now”. πŸ™‚

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  11. Self discovery is key – but the real magic is in taking steps/actions on what you discover. I’m very proud of you for the steps you’ve taken (alcohol, etc.). Respect, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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