I’m Not Ready

I had just left work on Friday when my phone began to ring. Normally I wouldn’t answer my phone while I’m driving, but I was stopped at a stop sign so I fished my phone out of my pocket and answered it.

“Dad,” Baby B’s voice burst from my phone. “Can I go to a friend’s house?”

“Um, I’m on my way to come get you right now,” I told him.

He response was lost amid a storm of static.

“What? You broke up…”

More static assaulted my delicate ear, then the connection was lost. Evidently my decision to take the backroads home from work decided to pay some unexpected dividends in the form of me inadvertently hanging up on my son.

When I finally made it to their mother’s house to pick them up, B came flying through the front door to greet me. Not because he was excited to see me (dammit) but to ask me again, “Can I go to a friend’s house?”

“Son, we have to get home quickly so that Grandma can go to work,” I explained. And I really wasn’t just making up an excuse. My mother was home with C and I needed to get home so she could get ready for work and then, you know, go to work.

“Well, can my friend come over?” he asked with equal parts hope and pleading.

“Not tonight, kiddo. We are watching Baby E (my niece) until at least 7. Next time give me some more notice so we can work something out.”

By this point in the conversation his mother had stepped on to the porch. “Why don’t you get in the car so I can speak to your father for a minute,” she told the boys.

That didn’t sound good at all, and I braced myself for an unpleasant conversation.

“The friend he wants to come over,” she began once both boys were out of earshot, “is his girlfriend.”

“Oh…” was all I could manage to say.

She went on to tell me about his girlfriend, how they went to the same school last year, that she goes to their church, and that they don’t get to see each other very often. She said that his girlfriend is a really nice girl and that she thinks I’d like her. I reigned in my commentary on what she thought about who I’d like.

After we got home I talked to B. “So, tell me about this friend.”

“Um…like what?”

“Well, what’s his name?” See what I did there? I knew it wasn’t a he. I’m so clever.

“It’s not a he. It’s a she. And her name is K.”

“Oh, she’s just a friend, huh?”

At this point B got a stupid grin on his face. He knew I knew and now he was too embarrassed to say anything. I went on to explain to him that he needs to tell me these things up front because there’s absolutely no way I would not have noticed the two of them were twitterpated once she was there. I may be dense, but I’m not that dense. I told him we could try to arrange something for later in the weekend.

Sunday rolled around and his girlfriend ended up at my house. It was funny to watch how awkward B was in front of me and his girlfriend. They talked about their friends and their Instagram accounts and who liked their pictures and who posted what and the whole time I was thinking…is this what kids talk about today? Then they walked around the block  for a bit until her uncle came to pick her up.

I had so many things I wanted to say to B, but I didn’t. I wanted to explain to him how people change. I wanted to tell him that there would likely be many women. I wanted to tell him to guard his heart. I wanted to explain how people sometimes grow apart. I wanted to warn him about heartbreak and break ups. I wanted to, again, warn him that if I’m a grandparent before I’m 40 I’ll kick his ass. I wanted to tell him the first girl I loved is completely different from me these days. She changed from someone I got along well with to a very strict Bible-thumper. Her three children were given biblical names. No judgement here (honestly), but that’s not the type of person I could ever be with.

I kept those musings to myself, though. Some things he’s going to have to learn on his own. Besides, he wouldn’t listen to anything I said anyway.

B and K have many changes in their future yet to come. They are only high school freshman, and they still have another three and a half  years of high school to mold them, shape them, and torture them.

There was a moment, though. There was a moment when the gravity of the situation pulled me asunder. K at one point began running her fingers through B’s hair, fixing some stray hairs, and it really hit home. Am I ready for this? Am I ready for my children to be in romantic relationships? Am I ready to help them navigate romantic relationships even though I am horrible at them? Will they be just as horrible at them as I am? Please don’t let them have the same shitty luck in love that I have had.

My little twins aren’t so little any more. They are young men. They will be 15 in less than a month. A year from now they will be driving. In three short years they will be adults, able to vote, smoke, and join the military, if they so desire.  I know I’m not ready for any of that. I know I’m not ready to let go. I am not ready to give up  the sweet little boys who used to tell me bed-time stories. The little boys who used to tell me they wanted to grow up to be strong just like me. The boys who used to want to do everything with me.

I’m not ready to get old, but more than that I’m not ready for them to get old. I want my babies back.

But time doesn’t care.

trooper twins football

I did NOT give them permission to grow up.

Advertisements
About Twindaddy (328 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

74 Comments on I’m Not Ready

  1. I so get this!! M-L has a ‘boyfriend’ and she’s 5!!!

    Like

  2. This is such a precious time! You get to mold those young men into great boyfriends, men, husbands, dads, and citizens. You get to set them up – lay the foundations – for their success and happiness! What an awesome privilege and gift. Thanks for sharing a man’s POV about sons.

    I was just thinking about parents of newborns, thinking how they have brand new little lives they can shape and guide into whatever life they want for them – expose them to whatever they want and likewise, prevent them from being exposed to other things.

    It is truly a gift and a wonder. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It happens, bro.

    Like

  4. I’m glad you kept you negative views on love to yourself. LOL I tease slightly. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me // November 10, 2014 at 12:36 pm // Reply

    My Hub does some kind of cross between a cringe and a scowl when Kidzilla (a mere 6) even mentions the name of a boy at school. And the one she claims she’s going to marry? (they have plans, you see) Yeah, that poor kid should probably hope he never sees my Husband. So I’m guessing the not ready thing is universal, because I sure don’t want to think about her having boyfriends. But her Father? Oh, he will never be ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You know what, because you have made so many mistakes you can help guide them on what not to do. Let them learn from your mistakes. I’m very far from where you are… but remember what it was like when you where that age. What would you have appreciated your father telling you?

    Personally I made some horrible choices at age 15. My parents weren’t exactly open with me, and having to learn many things the hard way was perhaps not the ideal thing. I guess that is different from boys, but I can’t help but thinking if only someone would have told me…. would I have listened? Probably not. At that age you think you know everything.

    You can however keep the conversation open and honest. Let them know that it is quite normal to be interested in girls…. etc, etc. If they can relax around you regarding this subject, they are more likely to ask your advice and listen to what you have to say.

    Don’t worry, you have got this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, if they are like me, and they are in a lot of ways, showing vulnerability is something they aren’t, and never will be, comfortable with.

      Like

      • Men! but that is why it is even more important to show them it is completely normal. Don’t make jokes about it. Talk to them like a friend and a Dad. I also don’t like showing vulnerability.

        But I would talk to my sister when she was around, (7 years older) cause she did not treat me like some kid and she acted like my friend. Also she would not make fun if I told her about some boy. She would listen and find the conversation interesting. And I always listened to her advice. Learned from her mistakes. The rules she gave me regarding boys, I always heeded. Even though you are your dad you can still do that. My two cents worth of advice.

        Like

  7. Actually, the earlier the better, as long as you are vigilant to prevent that grandchild. Jacob has always had girls around, and as a result he knows how to act around them, knows how to treat them. I’ve always encouraged it. It’s the boys that don’t who really don’t have a clue and who tend to get in trouble.

    Like

    • Oh, we’ve had the discussion about the birds and the bees. A couple of times. That’s one topic I’m not afraid to broach. I have stressed how much easier their lives will be if their schooling is finished and careers underway before they think about children.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, I hear you. It seems to happen so fast. I don’t have any words of wisdom. I always try to keep this in mind, something I live by: Love is giving someone the space to be who they are and who they are not. My son in middle school doesn’t share who he “likes” to me, but I know it seems to be a new girl every week. I’m not ready either!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This was tough to read. I hope that you find ways to support B and I’m sure he knows that he can talk to you about anything – I just hope that he DOES… *sigh* this aspect of things makes me think in terms of Silver Linings.

    I hope that you have lots of good people around you who can offer advice and support to YOU, and that you manage to muddle through it (which, by all accounts is all any parent does, ever).

    Meantime, I *love* that you used the word ‘twitterpated’ – that gave me shivers 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh man. I feel anxious just reading this. I will die when my kids (that don’t even exist yet) start dating. I will probably ruin them with my horror stories. *fingers crossed*

    Liked by 1 person

  11. No parent is ever ready for this step…..best of luck to you!!

    Like

  12. Gah. Gah. I knew certain things would be in the future, but this reminds me … some of those things will someday involve living, breathing human beings, and I will just have to watch my boys learn these hard lessons themselves.

    This really motivates me to snuggle them close and appreciate how much they want to be snuggled close to me right now.

    Like

  13. I love reading about your interactions with the twins. My nephew is also 14 and went to his first homecoming. He rented a tux and went all out. His girlfriend is supposedly supernice (I haven’t met her). His dad said something along the lines of “don’t be a fool and mess this up, boy”, which is his typical reaction to anything my nephew does.

    Asshole BIL could use a few pointers from you.

    Like

  14. Time doesn’t care. Sad, but true. This is just the next part in their coming-of-age experience (and yours, as their parent). Enjoy!… 😉

    Like

  15. Kristi Campbell - findingninee // November 10, 2014 at 7:32 pm // Reply

    I so so feel you on this. My son is only five and I miss baby-him already. Dating? Ugh. You’ve got this though you know. Truly. I also will refrain from mentioning the “s” word because holycrap. Still though, you’ve got this.

    Like

  16. My boy is only 6 months and l already hate his growing up! God only knows what kind of a wreck l will be in 14 years time! (probably the kind of dragon mother who hates ALL of his girlfriends….) 🙂

    Like

  17. Reality crashes the party again. Christ, this sent me down into an imaginary death-spiral over what my daughters will face in a couple of years. My 13-year old just attended her first boy/girl party. I had multiple anxiety attacks but didn’t stand in her way. That would have backfired. But I didn’t like it.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Sneaky little rebels, growing up without your permission!

    I think that for such ‘big’ things, you can never really be ready, or feel ready above all. It’s more of a thing you learn to deal with, I think. If I may use a weird comparison, I didn’t feel ready to go studying abroad either, but I think just doing it would have made me ready. I think that will most likely be the case for you as well, no?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Whoa, Scott! I so sympathize with you. AY! And it begins… I didn’t give my kids permission to grow up either but they didn’t listen. 🙂

    Like

  20. I think I have a few years before I need to worry about boyfriends and girlfriends.

    Then again, my 4-year old has had the same “boyfriend” for almost two years now, and she continues to insist that they’re going to get married.

    Like

  21. Ooooh….I SO get you here, Scott. I saw the football uniforms and immediately thought of my own kiddo. He’s sworn off of girls for right now, but that’s probably only because he’s completely consumed by football.
    Isn’t being a parent such a push-pull thing? I could almost feel the weight of your heart as you watched the interaction with your son and his gal. Never easy, not always fun…always worth it, right?

    Like

  22. It is pretty scary to see how fast they grow up. I can’t believe that my eldest niece, C, will be 13 in March. Where the hell did the past 13 years go? I think someone stole them when we weren’t looking…

    You’re doing a grand job at parenting those boys, and you’re open and honest with them which means they should know they can be open and honest with you. Just keep reminding B that if he’s got any questions or any worrys, he can talk to you. You’re his dad and you want to know when he’s happy and OK and also when things aren’t good, because that’s what dads are for after all!

    Like

  23. My oldest is a little younger than the twins. He’ll be 14 in December and a Freshman next year. I can hardly deal with the fact that he’s going to high school next year, let alone the idea of a girlfriend. When I think about the next few years and how quickly they’re gonna go by, I get a huge lump in my throat. Do you find yourself looking at your boys and seeing them change minute by minute? I do. He can walk out of the room, walk back in 20 minutes later and look older to me. It’s crazy. I want my babies back too. Now I’m going to go make him hug me and then I’m gonna go cry…

    Liked by 1 person

  24. My daughter is 27 years old (going on 14 sometimes) which is hilarious because when she was 14 I would have said she was going on 40. LOL! You seem to be a great dad and keeping your “love” opinions to yourself is wise. They do have to learn some things on their own but we, as parents, want to protect them from EVERYTHING! Trust me when I tell you… that never goes away! 🙂
    My little brother and wife had their first baby day before yesterday and it’s a girl! OMG! He is in so much trouble!! ha ha ha! He has already posted on Facebook “Yes I have a beautiful daughter… I also have a gun, a shovel AND an alibi!” LMAO!! She is TWO DAYS OLD!!
    Rock on Scott! You’re doing great! 😀

    Like

  25. Good luck, TD. You seem to be doing a wonderful job at this parenting thing, so I’m sure you’ll be able to guide them just fine. ❤

    Like

Deposit 2 cents here

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: