Another post celebrating 15 years of twins. This hilarious anecdote was originally published on 1-8-2012.
The twins and I were in the living room watching football. I happened to notice that Baby A had left a pair of his shoes on the living room floor, so I asked my then seven-year-old to put them away.
My children, sadly, have their grandmother’s grace. Or, more specifically, the lack thereof. Baby A proceeded to jump off of the couch. Instead of landing on his feet, his feet got caught on the edge of the couch and he landed face-first on the floor.
“Way to go, genius,” I deadpanned.
Baby A, completely serious, replied, “I’m not a genius. If I was a genius I wouldn’t have fallen off the couch.”
I laughed like I had never laughed before. This was, and still is, one of the most hysterical things I’ve experienced in my life. To this day, I take every opportunity I can to remind Baby A that he’s “not a genius.”
Yesterday, Baby A decided to remind me that he is not a genius. I asked him to take the dog out quickly before we played some basketball outside. I was already shooting around when he brought the dog out, and then proceeded to take the dog to the muddiest part of the yard. Then, instead of letting the dog use the entire length of the 25-foot retractable leash, he pressed the button, leaving the dog with only a couple of feet of the leash to use. She then took off like her tail was on fire. Baby A got spun around and the slipped and fell into the puddle of mud. He had mud going all the way up his pants and jacket, and all the way down his arm and completely covering his left hand.
I took the opportunity to again remind him that he’s not a genius. He didn’t respond since he’s heard the previous story repeatedly since it happened. He tried to defend himself by saying he didn’t know there was mud there. There is ALWAYS mud there. That part of the yard turns into a swamp every time it rains or snows. Moreover, he was standing in it. It was impossible for him not to know he was standing in it.
I told him to go into the basement, which is on the other side of our garage, and strip down and throw all of his clothes into the washer. He did so, then headed upstairs where my wife demanded to know why he was streaking through the house in naught but his underwear. That was the first time he had to tell the story.
Later, we had gone to my nephew’s 2nd birthday party and I told the entire family about his embarrassing ordeal. His face bore an uncanny resemblance to that of an apple while I did so. He tried extremely hard not to laugh while I told his tale of woe, but he failed. We all had a good laugh.
I love my children dearly, but I cannot wait until they develop some common sense (Note: Three years later and I’m still waiting.).