My Own Worst Enemy

I’ve never had the courage to do what’s right for me. When facing a decision, I always choose to make things easier for others even if it makes things harder for me. My current misfortune is a result of one of those choices.

It started with the best of intentions. It always does, though, doesn’t it?

I had a huge decision to make. I had just left the twins’ mother and I had to make a decision on the house we had bought together. Was I going to force her to sell or would I agree to let her stay there on the condition she refinance the house to remove my name from the loan?

When I thought about it I remembered all the times I moved as a child. I remembered all the new schools. The new faces. Never having friends because I never knew anyone. I remembered refusing to make new friends because I just knew we’d be moving. Again. I remembered all the pain. The anger. The tears.

And I knew. I knew I couldn’t do that to my children. I couldn’t make them change schools. I couldn’t make them move. So I agreed to let her remain in that house on the condition that she refinance the house.

It’s been all downhill ever since.

Not long after I left her, the twins’ mother decided to quit her full-time job to sell Mary Kay products. I cannot fathom what convinced her this was a good idea, but somehow she thought she was going to make a living doing this. Then she got in a car accident that fucked up her knee pretty good and completely sapped whatever income she may have been making. Consequently, the mortgage on “our” house didn’t get paid for almost an entire year. In turn, that fucked up both our credit reports and made it impossible for her to refinance the house.

I discovered “my” horrible credit when I attempted to buy a car. The salesman informed me that my request for financing had been denied because I had defaulted on my mortgage. I kindly informed him that I no longer lived there and that mortgage was no longer my responsibility, but the bank didn’t care about that and was telling all three credit reporting agencies that I was a dunce who didn’t pay my bills.

So I got a lawyer and took my ex back to court. Sadly, the only thing I got out of that was a court order saying that I was not legally obliged to pay any moneys on that loan. The option to force her to sell the home was not viable because she had trashed the house, and it was no longer worth what was owed on it. The judge was also not legally able to order the bank to remove my name from the loan.

So I was stuck.

About a year later, my new bride decided to declare Chapter 13 bankruptcy because she brought almost $25,000 worth of credit card debt into our marriage (yes, that was a red flag I shouldn’t have ignored). I decided to file with her to have the house removed from my credit. That was the only way I could conceive to have a chance to repair my credit.

During 2008, 2009, and 2010, we owed the state of Kentucky taxes at the end of each year because Superbitch’s employer refused to withhold Kentucky state taxes from her paychecks (she worked in Ohio at the time). After consulting with our bankruptcy lawyer, she told us that we could addend the case to add the money we owed the state. We simply needed to pay the court costs for doing so. We eventually forked over the $150 court fees for doing so.

Last night I came home to find a collection letter from the state of Kentucky chilling in my mailbox. In it, the letter says that our bankruptcy case has been closed and the stay lifted, and that now we have to not only pay back-taxes, but fees and interest, too. They want almost $2250 from my empty fucking wallet.

The stay lifted? What fucking stay?

I immediately emailed my bankruptcy lawyer and asked her, “What the fuck?” Her response was, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Sorry, can’t help ya. Work out a payment plan or something.”

What. The. Fuck. Thanks for nothing, bitch.

All of this, years of financial torment, because of one fucking decision. One that, knowing what I know now, I’m not sure I’d make again.

Frankly, right now I just want to run away. I just want to hide. I am so fucking tired of shit going wrong. I am tired, just so fucking tired. With all the thousands upon millions of people fighting their way into this country illegally, all I want to do is get out of it.

But I can’t run away. I won’t run away. My children are depending on me. They need me.

So I’ve got to man up and somehow find my way through this and ditch the urge to run.

They say that you should make lemonade when life hands you lemons, but what if the lemons that life hands you are rotten?

This has been a

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This week’s is “I’ve never had the courage to…”

About Twindaddy (337 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

69 Comments on My Own Worst Enemy

  1. Fuck. Fuckitty the fuckitty fuck. How the hell did she trash the house she was living in with her children anyways? Fuck. Oh fuck… I know these few words may mean nothing because of oh fuck the shit of what you’re going through, but every single time I faced a mountain I wondered how the hell I was going to get through it. And then, after crossing that bitch of a mountain I’d look back and think “Well, I’m glad that’s over.” And then I’d think “It wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

    When life gives you rotten lemons, you throw them in the face of your bitch ex of a wife.

    Dude. From one with a life in tatters to another, shit does get better. It always does. All the fucking time.


  2. Do what you’ve gotta do Scott. The only way out is through. Set up a payment plan and try not to think about anything but that. You have learned a valuable lesson that many people have not yet learned. That, and your kids remaining in their neighborhood are the silver linings. Stressing about it will only do your health harm. I have been there. I wish I had known not to stress about it, but just to focus on the payments.


    • I will, but I’m just tired of facing the consequences of the actions of others, you know? Sigh…


      • I don’t think that ever ends – family, spouses, ex-spouses, children, friends, co-workers. Hopefully you can get to a point where you can choose how you think about it. You can stop yourself from thinking about the stress part of it and focus on the payments. You know? Just tell yourself to stop and think about something else. That is a powerful tool that we all can cultivate. I am sure your creditors aren’t stressing about you 1/1000 as much as you are. Paying it isn’t optional but stressing about it is. I can tell you about a 24 year financial horror story and the horror was all brought about by me choosing to stress about it instead of just making the payments. You have complete control over what you choose to think about, and how you choose to think about it.


  3. One decision I made that fucked me over financially for the next god knows however many years? Grad school. And the maximum loan amount for 3 years. Plus interest. And no actual master’s degree, because I’m a class shy and no desire to be a teacher.

    It’s…well…an ungodly number and that is what I will be paying off until probably the day I die.

    But. I just keep reminding myself that it was part of the journey. Every time I have a panic attack about my loans. Every time I start crying because I’ll never get out of debt.

    Every stupid decision I made led me to the best decisions of my life. And the best people. And experiences. And that is worth more than my weight in gold.


  4. Oh dude, I am SO sorry. Payment plan is definitely the way to go. Depending on the interest they charge you it may be more efficient to get a small line of credit from your bank in that amount, pay off Kentucky in full, then pay your bank. Because a line of credit is a revolving credit facility it will also help improve your credit rating. Alternatively, a term loan from your bank would achieve the same thing.

    You think you are doing a good thing…you never would have known the impact. It wasn’t a mistake to keep the kids in the house…the only mistake was to not draw up the legal papers removing you from the title on the house right away. That’s what my ex and I did when we drafted our separation agreement. It was worth the legal fees.

    BUT, it is what it is now, and it’s best for you to just move forward.


  5. This sucks balls, dude. However, you cannot blame yourself for your first decision – you made that for your kids, so don’t.

    I’ve been through the wash/rinse/spin cycle of self-flagellation over past mistakes. What I’ve taken from it is that there are mistakes and stupid mistakes. Stupid mistakes are the ones we don’t (or won’t) learn from. I’d say you learned, so focus forward.


  6. There was the domino effect in action there. One bad thing lead to another. You had good intentions, so don’t beat yourself up. Money is just money, and I think there is a way out of it with time and patience. Trust me, you are not alone in this. Many people have financial problems. I know that is not much consolation right now, but find someone who can help with payments or something. Get on own your financial path. Hang in there, man!


  7. Sorry to hear this, man.


  8. Sorry to read the above, and pray you get out of this mess.


  9. This sucks the big one. But everybody is right. A payment plan is the only way out of the mess. Which sucks. Did I mention that?


  10. Oh shit oh damn 😦


  11. That sucks. Like the others say, a payment plan is best. Your lawyer is a pillar of empathy…may they one day endure that attitude when they are down.


  12. Man… But never forget that you made the decision in the given circumstances back then, and with the best intentions. I hope you get out of this soon!


  13. That sucks!! I so wish I could help you somehow. May good luck find you, my friend.


  14. Damn. Should this situation continue to leave you reeling come back here and reread all your comments.You have so much support here. Add me as another!


  15. I’m sorry a selfless decision turned out to have negative impact, Scott. Keep your chin up and do what you can as always.x


  16. Sorry to hear about your predicament. But, (1) yes, prioritizing your kids was a good idea even if it didn’t end well; and (2) just keep plugging away. You’ve got a lot of support in your online community!


  17. Shit that sucks!


  18. Fuck shit fuck, debt is awful, and it sucks that other people being selfish when you were trying to do what seemed like the right thing has caused all this trouble. You put your kids first and you couldn’t have ever seen how it would turn out. I hope things get better for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. Argh argh argh. I am sorry for this shitfest. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh man, that beyond sucks. Sucks isn’t even a strong enough word. I am so very sorry, that in trying to do the right thing it ended up biting you in the ass. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do to rectify a situation I tend to get stuck with the tab. It just sucks that being a stand-up person sometimes knocks you to your knees.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. “No good deed never goes unpunished.” Hey, these sayings are cliches for a reason.

    Sorry your ex screwed you over financially and also destroyed the house.

    Your lawyer really should have made it clear to you that taxes weren’t covered under the bankruptcy, because it caused you a greater financial hardship. If she really did something wrong, you can file a complaint against her with the American Bar Association in your state.

    Hang in there.


  22. Make that “never” an “ever”. I didn’t mean to use a double negative 🙂


  23. Augh…so sorry! Wish I could help 😦
    I’m reading this post a few days late, so perhaps you’ve already found a next step?
    Also, I must respectfully disagree with you on something.
    You mentioned that you’ve never had the courage to do what’s right for you? I call bullshit on that! It takes far more courage to do something that’s right for others than thinking of yourself first. It’s the blessing/curse of being a parent.
    See what you wrote: “But I can’t run away. I won’t run away. My children are depending on me. They need me.”
    This screams of courage, my friend.


  24. We all have these moments, where we look back and realize the decision(s) we made maybe weren’t the best. I’m so sorry this is happening. I wish I had an answer or some kind of magic duct-tape that fixes all this stupid shit that happens. You need a new lawyer :/


  25. Urgh, money, or lack thereof, is controlling my life too. The crippling debt from a business gone wrong, lost all our property, living on Government benefits. I hear you. It’s so tough. Sending strength and courage, you will need it. Congrats on being a man and a dad that I always admire. Much respect BFFFL. You got this. I believe in you xx


  26. What is it they say about no good deed? I’m so sorry Scott… I hope it gets better very soon. It HAS to get better! I will keep you in prayer my friend! 🙂


  27. Hello, Scott. Coming out of hiding for a bit and I was looking for you and your posts. Haven’t checked in on you in a while. And WHOA, glad I did. So sorry you are in this MEGA MESS!! 😦 😦 😦 They never really warned us that LIFE was this F****** hard, did they? It’s just not right.

    Today is the 24th and I hope there has been some miraculous resolution since you wrote this 12 days ago. I want to wish you and your beautiful boys a peaceful Christmas and many good things to come in the year ahead. xo 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Hey Scott,
    Just checking in to say hello! No need to respond if you are on a holiday hiatus…just wanted to send you hugs and good vibes across cyber space. xo


  29. Ugh. What a mess. I’m sorry. :-/
    You know how to reach me if you ever need to chat, vent, bounce ideas around, etc…
    Life has this funny sense of humor in taking immense pleasure for sending us blindly into our pursuits and then showing us exactly how we misstepped along the way. It’s not very funny, but that’s the only reason I can imagine life keeps doing it over and over and over.


  30. I really wish I could “Deposit 2 cents here”. I reckon all your commenters wish that for each comment we made to you, you’d get a couple of pennies, because soon you’d have a better income.

    It does sound like your lawyer did a botch job and therefore you can at the very least complain about her to the regulators so that she doesn’t screw over more people.

    Maybe 2015 will be the year when you get free from all these entanglements. Xxx


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