I Got A Letter

I haven’t really spoken about it here, but the news has surely made its way around: fellow blogger Grayson Queen passed away. I don’t know the details, and I’m not going to pry. The important thing here is another artistic soul has been stolen from us.

Admittedly, I didn’t know Grayson all that well. Well, not personally. I knew him well through his wife’s writing. And what I knew through her writing was that Grayson was an amazing and complex man. I was heartbroken by the news. My heart broke for someone so young to be taken so suddenly. My heart also broke for Rawra. Life has just been constantly shitting on her for the past few years. It’s as if life isn’t satisfied that she is serving time for a crime she did not commit, so life also saw fit to steal her husband from her. Life can be beautiful, but it can also be a cruel bitch.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve only written Rawra once since she began serving her sentence. As soon as I heard the news, though, I immediately sent her a letter conveying my condolences and letting her know that she is still loved despite the fact that I have not written her in over a year. Sure, life has been busy. Yes, things have been happening. Of course, I work and chase children around and cook and clean and sleep and do ALL THE THINGS. But none of that is an excuse. It would only have taken a handful of minutes to scrawl some words on a paper and mail it to let her know she is not forgotten. But I didn’t, and I feel like shit.

Unfortunately, I’m a sort of “out of sight, out of mind” type of person. If you’re not in front of me I don’t think about you. That isn’t to say that you’re not important to me, it just means that I’m focused on what’s in front of me instead of what’s not there. The only people who have ever transcended this mentality are my children. That has at times been a blessing, and at other times been a curse.

Just a few days ago I received a return letter from my favorite little dinosaur, and it broke my heart. I can’t stand that she is hurting so much right now, but her letter reminded me of just how we “met.” We met through blogging. Though I’ve never seen Rawra (face to face) she has been an incredible friend to me. She has listened as I vomited all of my problems at her feet. She has offered advice. She has nodded and been understanding. She has helped me to become a better writer, and a better person. She has a unique point of view and I’m better for her having shared it with me.

Rawra is hardly the only friend I’ve met through blogging. Her letter reminded me of that fact and how I’d been neglectful of this community that’s been so supportive of me.

Shame burns.

Rawra’s letter was the catalyst to coming back and my renewed effort to maintain this here weblog. So here I am, and here I (hopefully) stay.

Thank you again, Rawra, for enlightening me.

29 thoughts on “I Got A Letter

  1. *sigh* I started a letter to her but I think I only met her once about the week or so before she left and we had our first real convo the night before. She was a bright and shiny soul, and I hope to get to know her more when (and I HOPE it’s a ‘when’) she’s back in the sphere.


    1. Rawra shines brighter than any star in the sky, including the sun. She has an amazingly positive perspective despite the bullshit life has dealt her. The world needs more Rawras.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I kept planning to “write her next weekend.” I asked Matt for her address on Valentine’s Day, and found that note just yesterday. How I wish I’d written then instead of waiting too many one more “next weekends.”

    I read her blog for several months before she went to prison. Her words were captivating, but I didn’t have time or energy to read them all. Her light surely shone from them. Then I met her in person and, though it was just the once, she shone even brighter in person. Even with her sadness and her concern for Dave’s well being while she was away.

    I should not have been surprised there would be no admonishing in her letter but, of course, there was none. Just graciousness and sadness so deep I am still overwhelmed by all of it.

    I will write many more letters now. Not some vague “next weekend,” but when I get a letter. And I’ll try not to focus on how many letters I didn’t write, as long as I do better from here on out. That’s what I can change, you know? So that’s where I’ll try to focus.


  3. I wasn’t fortunate enough to have really made their acquaintance. I think I really only met her right near the end before she went to jail, but I’ve been touched by reading about people’s connection with her, and I was saddened when I heard about her husband passing. I, like you, sometimes take community for granted, and sometimes I shun it, because of poor social skills, I suppose. Thanks for the reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I met her through you and Revis…so thanks. My problems are woven in my mind., so I couldn’t tell her. I can’t believe she is getting so many grams of suck.


  5. I’ve not really met her acquaintance, so it felt off sending her a letter. I’ve not done so.

    sigh, idk why but somehow this post has brought tears to my eyes. Life sucks a lot of the time. We need other people, even if we don’t realize. (Hugs)


  6. The odd thing about life is that very often the people who get cargo-loads of suck from life are the very ones best equipped to deal with it. I’m sure Rawra’s hurting, but from what little I know of her, she’ll bounce back and be better for it.


  7. I’ve been remiss about staying in touch with her, too. I let all the drama and bullshit of my life get in the way.
    I’m changing that today. And I plan on doing everything in my power to help her when she gets out. I’m also much better when someone is right in front of my face.


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