Accidentally On Purpose

Accidentally On Purpose (complex adjective) – when you attempt to do something and end up doing something completely different instead

So I was having a serious conversation with the twins last night (that’s what I do, peeps, I’m all business all the time) because I evidently love banging my head against the wall and causing my mind to suffer excruciating pain.

When I told them I was planning on taking them with me to work a few times over the summer, they both released painful sighs. “Why?” One of them asked in a tone which suggested I had demanded he listen to Justin Bieber on endless repeat.

“So you can see what it’s like to work with computers and maybe decide if that’s something you want to pursue after you graduate.”

“Oh…that’s a good idea.”

No shit, Sherlock, I thought.

Somehow the conversation then devolved into their skill sets, during which Baby A claimed that he’s already a good cook.

I laughed heartily, then politely called him on his bullshit.

I reminded him of the time that I made him cook dinner because he made some insipid comment about he and his brother having to do everything around the house and that he attempted manslaughter by serving me under-cooked sausage.

“Wait a minute!” Baby A retorted, “Manslaughter is when you kill someone accidentally. You can’t accidentally attempt something.”

Damn him. He had been paying attention that day in English class. “You tried to kill me and your brother with raw turkey sausage. And you’re grounded.”

“What???” Baby A cried.

“And you can accidentally attempt to do something.” I added.

“It’s not possible,” Baby A said defiantly.

“It is, and I’ll explain. See, once upon a time I attempted to get your mother pregnant. On purpose. I succeeded. What I accidentally did was get her pregnant twice at once, and this,” I said while gesturing to Baby B, “is what became of that accident.”

“Hey!!” Baby B cried, indignant.

I laughed.

“So you see,” I concluded, “you can purposefully do something accidentally.”

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Do you like to fuck around with your children like this? Go on. Share with the group…

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About Twindaddy (332 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

32 Comments on Accidentally On Purpose

  1. I thought the purpose of having kids was to have a captive audience for all my whims. Did I miss something?

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  2. This is hilarious. With A’s knowledge of the definition of manslaughter plus his ability to debate, he may end up a lawyer.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks to you liker.

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  4. HAhahahahha I was gonna say about becoming a lawyer but I can see I got beaten to the punch.

    Poor ole B!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Messing with the minds of our young is one of the parenting bonuses…well played.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Haha, lovely post! And glad you got to prove you were right 😉

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  7. Once they pay attention in school, you’re screwed.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Doing things “accidentally on purpose” was a mainstay of my childhood — it was frequently shouted at on another through tears and/or clenched teeth. Jacob, as an only child, missed soooooo much!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Poor Baby B!! However, I do think that there might be a point for A becoming a lawyer. Tell him not to work hard and to not become a lawyer so that he’ll do it to spite you, and then, when you’re old and decrepit, he’ll have the money to pay for your care home! 😉

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  10. Ha,ha,ha! That’s awesome! I admire Baby A for speaking up and really thinking about what you were saying! 🙂

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  11. My children are adults, I do things to annoy them all the time. Does that count? I tell them I have a sex life, it spins them up and makes them cringe catching their head on fire.

    But then I also tell them grandchildren are the best revenge, I tell my grandchildren stories about their fathers when they were young and then watch the chaos.

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  12. HAHHAHA. Yes..you won that battle…

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  13. We have a deli style restaurant in Texas call “Newks” I told my daughter the first time she came to visit that it was a place that had microwave ovens at the tables and you went and picked out your prepared food (some was frozen) and you prepared it yourself at your table. SHE BELIEVED ME!! AND… she told her boyfriend that was what they did there! I know! I know! I’m evil! Believe it or not.. she really is intelligent but sometimes.. common sense is not so common! LMAO!

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  14. Kristi Campbell - findingninee // June 16, 2015 at 3:01 pm // Reply

    HAHA! Awesome! Love that you made him cook dinner after he complained that he “has to do everything.” <—-excellent parenting skills my friend.

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