Well, well. Take a look at this place. It’s in such a state of disrepair. The banners haven’t been updated in a couple of years. Well, I just looked again and apparently it’s been three years. Wow. I should probably do some house-keeping ’round here.
Anyhow, I just dropped by because I felt like sharing some hilarious news. I figured with all the doom and gloom (and idiocy) of the Trump White House (Hey, is that Sean Spicer hiding in my bushes?) we could all use a good laugh. Even though we’ll be laughing at something we probably shouldn’t be laughing at.
We all know that the only dude to ever walk on water was Jesus, right?
Well, a clergyman in Zimbabwe decided to reproduce Jesus’ miraculous feat and show the awesome power of God to his faithful.
No chance of anything going wrong here, I’m sure.
The pastor, Jonathan Mthethwa, led his congregation to Crocodile River (spoiler alert!) where he proceeded to wade about 30 meters out into the water. Just after promising the gathering that he was about to rise above the water, he was mercilessly ripped to shreds by three extremely famished crocodiles.
Now, I know I shouldn’t be laughing at this. A man lost his life. Nevertheless, I cannot stop laughing. I mean, what the hell did this guy expect to happen? If you stick a paper clip in an electrical outlet you’re going to get shocked no matter how strong your faith may be.
First of all, I’m sure it’s not called Crocodile River because it’s filled with tears of the broken-hearted. If you’re going to wade into crocodile infested waters, you should be prepared to forfeit your life. Or at the very least a limb.
Secondly, what did this dude plan on saying when he didn’t actually rise above the water? Was he going to insult their faith? Tell them if they had prayed harder he could have pulled it off? Yeah, Jesus walked on water, but he also had the divine powers that come with, you know, being the son of God. This guy was just a tool, obviously.
What’s worse is the congregation left in his wake. They just couldn’t fathom where it all went so awfully wrong. “We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week.” Yeah, and I gave that Nigerian prince my bank account information and I’m still waiting on the deposit. I just don’t get it…
If you read this story and didn’t laugh a bit, congratulations, you’re a much better person than I. Of course, that isn’t much of a reason to pat yourself on the back. However, I think we can all take away one important lesson here, and that is…
Nope. You can’t fix stupid. And I’ve always thought of the walking on water as more of a metaphor. Even if not, I’m pretty sure there were no crocs.
Good to see you writing.
LikeLike
I’ve never thought of walking on water because, unless it’s ice, it’s not possible. I’m still a little shocked so many people, including the guy trying it, actually thought it would happen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just read that it’s a hoax. http://www.snopes.com/pastor-eaten-by-crocodiles/?utm_source=fbsnopesvideo
LikeLike
Well, shit. Oh, well. Guess I’ll leave this up.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sorry. But really is it that far fetched? People are getting crazier and crazier.
LikeLike
Not at all, that’s why I didn’t even bother to check.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😏
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, God can’t fix stupid. But God did create it. And if he created it to be unfixable, who am I to say otherwise?
LikeLike
I’d say laugh at the stupid, but it’s currently running the country. I’m more frightened of it, now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You and me both brother.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was totally planning on coming by and saying “Hi Scott. My name is Kristi and I have no idea how I got here” but OMG yeah, God can’t fix stupid. Seriously????? Yikes. Also crocodiles *shudder.*
LikeLike
Lol, hi Kristi!
LikeLike
Well, i guess that’s one piece of normal news from Africa. I always shake my head at these religious types. At least this dude did not try to swindle his entire congregation out of their livelihood. Honesty, you’d be surprised at how often that kind of thing makes the news.
LikeLike
It happens here, too. Religion is horrible, horrible thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darwinsm.
LikeLiked by 1 person
At its finest.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehehehe oh DEAR a lot!!!
LikeLike
Yeah. Sigh…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even if it’s a hoax, the fact it COULD be true…omg.
LikeLike
It’s very easily believable.
LikeLike
Sadly so
LikeLike
“First of all, I’m sure it’s not called Crocodile River because it’s filled with tears of the broken-hearted. ” HILARIOUS!
Even if this was a hoax we both know that there is, in fact, someone out there willing to be this level of an ass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly!
LikeLike
Hahaha what a great laugh, thanks for more writing!
LikeLike
Hey stranger!
LikeLike