Wise Words From an Old Friend

Way, way, waaaaaaaaaay back in the day I had a regular guest host who would take over for a bit and bestow his wisdom upon the inquiring masses. I won’t say that his advice is very sound or even that his “wisdom” is even wise, but he’s at least entertaining. Sometimes.

This guest will typically answer questions from readers, but since I’ve let this place grow stale there aren’t many of those any more. So I combed the internet to find some questions for him to answer (and then immediately took a shower because the internet is a foul place).

So, without further (how do you) adeu, I present Blunt Life Coach!

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Well, that was a lackluster introduction. It’s about time you let me out of your trunk. Also, I’m not a fan of how you put wisdom in quotations. If everyone followed my advice this world would be a more orderly, and possibly less populated, place. Thanos was on to something.

Enough small talk. Let’s get to the reason I’m here: enlightening the half-wits who stumble upon this unhappy place.

How do you define success?

With words. How else do you define anything? To define a word you use other words. It’s not a complicated process.

Any tips on moving on after a break-up?

Absolutely. Drink. A lot. Find yourself a one-night stand. Or even two or three. Trash your ex on social media and spread nasty rumors about her. Or him. Or them. I’m woke, afterall.

Do looks really matter in life? Do good-looking people have an advantage?

Of course they do. Don’t be ridiculous. No one likes ugly people. Good-looking people get the best opportunities, the most favor, and the most attention. Everyone wants to be with good-looking people. Only ugly people ask questions like this.

Is it weird to eat cereal for dinner?

Yes. It’s even weirder to eat it in your mom’s basement while you game, which I’m sure you do. Cut it out. And for fuck’s sake, take a shower.

Why should I forgive my abuser if he doesn’t even apologize? If he doesn’t even try to meet me halfway and make effort to help make my life more bearable?

You shouldn’t. Why would you even waste time or even think about someone who has abused you? Of course he isn’t going to try to meet you halfway. He’s abusive. Forget that guy and focus on yourself and your recovery.

Is it possible for someone to change their personality once they fall in love?

It’s inevitable. It happens to every woman who has ever slid on a wedding ring.

What do you think is the most valuable thing in a relationship?

There is not just one most valuable thing in a relationship. There are several equally valuable things and what those things are differ from couple to couple based on their own life experiences, which is why relationships inevitably fall apart – our life experiences continue to change us through a relationship.

How do you differentiate love from lust?

Easy. Which part of your body is excited when you see that person?

Carl Jung believed we are part of someone’s dream. Any thoughts about that idea?

A few. 1.) Who the hell is Carl Jung? 2.) If this is someone’s dream then they’ve been asleep an inordinately long time and did a hell of a lot of drugs before passing out. 3.) Sounds like Carl Jung smoked the good shit.

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Well, that was….something that happened. Love him or hate him, you can’t say you don’t know exactly how he feels. Do you have a question for Blunt Life Coach? Beware, he snipes.

A Glimpse Into My World

So I used to do this thing pretty regularly. I thought the prompts had ended, but I just found out they’re still going to I figured I’d post one up real quick while I’m waiting on a script I’m running to finish….

The premise is pretty simple, Melanie over at Sparks of a Combustable Mind posts four usually non-invasive questions, and I get to answer them. What a fun game!!

QUESTIONS

Do you ever feel more excited about getting the package in the mail, rather than the item that’s in it?

Depends on what I ordered on Amazon the day before. If it’s a present for myself, then I’ll get excited. However, if it’s just a couple more bottles of toothpaste, like it was yesterday, blah…

What is the difference between your ideal self and your real self?  (i.e. what attribute or physical feature would allow you feel the ideal ‘you’?)

Well, my ideal self is much skinnier than my real self. My ideal self also has a better handle on his emotions and knows how to cope with them, good or bad. But I guess my real self is okay most of the time.

If you found $2,000 on the ground and there were no witnesses, what would you do with it?

Pocket it. I mean, if it’s not in a wallet or anything, it’s free game, right? RIGHT???

Are you ever morally obliged to take action? Under what circumstances?

Not sure how to answer this one. If you’re asking if I feel morally obliged to take action, then yes, in certain situations, I feel a moral obligation. That’s the trick, though. Everyone’s morals are unique, so defining moral obligations is difficult. I could spend an entire day listing possible circumstances in which I’d feel morally obligated to take action on something, but to be purposefully vague and intentionally brief, I’ll just say that I generally feel morally obligated to act if I know I can do something to prevent another person from getting hurt.

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GRATITUDE SECTION

Please feel free to share how last week went for you.   Bright or not-so-bright spots?

Oh, last week was an emotional rollercoaster for reasons I’d rather not delve into right now. It’s the beginning of the school year here in backasswards Indiana, so work has been crazy, and I’ve been working…a lot.

That being said, there was one thing that is equal parts bright and not so bright….Baby C started 6th grade today. I don’t know what I’m more upset about: that C’s now old enough to be in middle school or that I now have to get up an hour earlier to get him off to school. HOW IS HE IN 6TH GRADE ALREADY???

2020 Things of Thankful

….I used to participate in a weekly challenge called 10 Things of Thankful. The idea was to find 10 things every week for which I was thankful. After a while it became more difficult each week to find things for which to be thankful. I was broke, depressed, and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Eventually I stopped writing them. Even more eventually (that’s a thing, right?) I stopped writing altogether.

I’ve decided today is a good day to be thankful because, well, it’s Thanksgiving and that’s what you’re supposed to do. At least, it’s what you do after you’ve eaten an entire turkey, stuffed some stuffing down your throat, guzzled a gallon of eggnog, and assaulted someone for the last PS5 during the Black Friday blitz.

I don’t think it’s an understatement to suggest this year has been a shitshow for everyone. From COVID to a highly contentious and divisive election cycle, 2020 has spent its entire existence trying to dig another level deeper into hell. Despite 2020 being an unmitigated clusterfuck, there have been happenings (to me at least) for which I am thankful.

2020 actually started in July of 2019 for me with the death of my mother and there is nothing about that experience I’m thankful for. 2020 wasn’t content with that early blow, however. In December I had an ultrasound on my neck to examine a lump I’d discovered there. That led quickly to a biopsy, which then led quickly to a diagnosis of thyroid cancer, which then led to a complete dissection of my neck when my thyroid, 53 lymph nodes, and other cancerous tissue was removed from my body.

Despite all of that hideousness, there were things of thankful to be found. I’m thankful I had an amazing surgeon who successfully removed all but a couple small cells of cancerous thyroid tissue from my body and that what was left could be taken care of by radiation therapy. I’m thankful that, other than the recovery from surgery and the week I had to spend in quarantine while I was radioactive, life has otherwise returned to normal. I’ve been working, yelling at my children (I love them!), and have had a normal (for 2020, at any rate) life. It’s been a long process getting my synthroid to the correct dose so that I’m not perpetually exhausted, but I’m thankful that (once the dose is figured out) I’ll not really miss my thyroid.

My job is another thing for which I’m thankful. During my recovery and radiation therapy they couldn’t have been more supportive (I hope you read that in Chandler’s voice like I heard it in his voice as I wrote it). They gave me all the time I needed and told me not to come back until felt like I could. Luckily, a lot of IT work doesn’t require physical labor so I was able to come back after a couple of weeks (despite my surgeon telling me I should have taken 6 weeks off). I had a young coworker to take care of any required lifting. Basically, I was accommodated. I have never been treated like human being by an employer before and, before sitting down to compose this here blog post, I wrote them an email to let them know just how much I appreciate that.

Not only did my employer help me through one of the most difficult times of my life, after I recovered I was given a promotion! I’m once again thankful for my employer for giving me an opportunity to grow into a new role and learn new technologies. Plus, the position allows me to work from home most days so I won’t be exposed to COVID, or worse, stupid people.

Another thing I’m thankful for is that everyone in my family has been healthy during this pandemic. Despite the inconveniences imposed by the pandemic, we’ve managed not to lose our sanity. Well, not any more than we already had. There were a couple tense moments where two of my children had been exposed, but tests came back negative.

I think we all knew back in 2016 that 2020 was going to be a tense year. A Trumpster fire was allowed to flourish and spread as less than half the population voted because, I’m guessing, they just assumed there was no way in hell he would win. I’m thankful this year’s election had the most voter participation ever and that the majority of those people decided that the Narcissist in Chief needed to pack his enormous toupee and orange makeup and leave the White House he’d tarnished. I don’t think Biden was the best candidate overall, but out of the two we had to choose from it was a no-brainer. At the very least, Biden will bring civility and compassion back to the Oval Office.

In 7 days my once cute little twins will turn 21 years old. What. The. Fuck. Where did the time go? What happened to my adorable little boys who used to run around mimicking everything I did because “I want to be like daddy when I’m big!”? What happened to the boys who insisted they tell me bedtime stories instead of vice versa? What happened to the delightful giggles? The joyful hugs? The days when I could physically look down at them (stupid kids getting taller than me…)?

Well, I’ll tell you what happened. They turned into fine young men and I couldn’t be more proud of them. They are both compassionate, kind, funny respectful, and just…amazing. I spent so much of the last ten years feeling afraid that every step I took with them would end in failure and I couldn’t be (Bing!) more thankful for how they’ve grown into men of whom I am undeniably proud.

My sweet (most of the time) little C is having his ups and downs with school. He’s a bright young man, but his attention span is shorter than February 29th on a non-leap year. His teachers have been gracious and patient and have worked with me to allow him to do a lot of his work at home so I can supervise him and keep him focused. The school has been very accommodating to help ensure he is successful and I’m extraordinarily grateful for that.

Lastly, I’m thankful for my princess (she thinks she’s royalty – I just don’t argue with her). She has stood by me during the most difficult time in my life. She took care of me as I physically recovered from surgery. She drove me to my radiation therapy appointments. She has been there for me any time I needed someone and I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve that. She’s fun, she makes me laugh, she’s understanding, she’s compassionate, and she cares about everyone’s well-being. She is, quite simply, an amazing person.

Finding things to be thankful for during this debacle we’ve dubbed 2020 is challenging, no doubt, but despite the darkness there are glimmers of light. You can find them if you open your eyes.

Dearest reader…it’s your turn! What are you thankful for on this fine Thanksgiving Day?

Interview With a Trooper – Would You Rather Edition

I’ve had these questions just sitting in my drafts folder for ages, but I’ve been too busy working and/or being depressed by this stupid-ass year to answer them. I also just wanted to get something posted so my blog doesn’t atrophy…

1. Would you rather always be overdressed or always be underdressed? I’d rather be comfortable. T-shirt and sweat pants FTW.
2. Would you rather be a genius or be wealthy? Wealthy. I could then just buy a genius.
3. Would you rather be a hammer or a nail? Heh, heh. I’d rather do the nailing than be nailed…
4. Would you rather be a lonely genius or an idiot with a lot of friends? I’m already a lonely genius. Nobody consulted me about this before I was born.
5. Would you rather be able to play 10 different instruments beautifully or speak 10 different languages fluently? Hmmmm….probably the instruments. Even though it wouldn’t technically be a language I could still speak to people.
6. Would you rather deal with a crying baby or a saucy and spoilt child? Honestly, what’s the difference?
7. Would you rather do cardio or lift weights? Does doing shots count as lifting weights?
8. Would you rather drink a carbonated drink or fruit Juice? Or how about a carbonated juice? Or a fruit drink?
9. Would you rather forget to pack clean underwear when traveling or forget to pack your footwear? I’d rather forget to travel entirely than either of those two things.
10. Would you rather go bungee jumping or skydiving? This is why I avoid planes and tall buildings.
11. Would you rather have 1 million dollars right now or one penny doubling every day for thirty days? I was wondering why this would be a thing so I did the math. I’ll take the latter ’cause that’s over 10 million.
12. Would you rather have 1,000,000 in your bank account or an IQ of 145+? I feel like I’ve answered a question like this already….
13. Would you rather have 6 sons or 6 daughters? 6 sons. 6 sons. 6 sons.
14. Would you rather have a 99% chance to win $100,000 or a 50-50 chance at $10 million? That’s a tough one. I’d probably take the 100,000.
15. Would you rather have a big stomach or fat cheeks? Well, I already have both, so I’ve been deprived of choice yet again.
16. Would you rather have a friend who’s very blunt with their words or a friend who tells a lot of white lies? I do not like liars, Sam I Am.
17. Would you rather have a live-in massage therapist or a live-in chef? Chef, for sure. Massages don’t do anything for me. I’d be excited to see how many different dishes can be made with buffalo chicken.
18. Would you rather have a roommate that eats a lot or one that sleeps a lot? Give me a sleeper. My inner introvert could definitely live with that.
19. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? British, mate. I love the British accent.
20. Would you rather have annoying neighbors or neighbors who you always seem to annoy? I’d rather not have neighbors at all, but if I must choose I’ll be the annoying one.
21. Would you rather have the ugliest house in a beautiful neighborhood or the most beautiful house in an ugly neighborhood? I’d rather have the only house in the neighborhood.
22. Would you rather have to change your clothes five times a day or wear the same outfit five times in a row? Ewwww….5 times a day, for sure.
23. Would you rather live in a five bedroom apartment all alone or live in a one bedroom apartment with five kids? Seriously, who would choose 5 kids? Anyone who chooses that forgot to take their medicine.
24. Would you rather live in a place where it’s always raining or a place where the sun never goes down? Gimme the rain. I would never sleep if it were never dark.
25. Would you rather live in a rural area or the suburbs? I’d rather live in a rural area with suburban people.
26. Would you rather live in an apartment or house? House, for sure. The people in the upstairs apartment are always making some sorta noise.
27. Would you rather live in ancient Greece or ancient Rome? That’s a tough one. Instead of living in one or the other can I just visit both?
28. Would you rather not be able to go out in the daytime or not be able to go out in the night time?Probably night time. My eyes don’t see so well in the dark any more…
29. Would you rather talk in your sleep or fart in your sleep? Uhhh….if I pick one how would I know I didn’t get the other?
30. Would you rather walk funny or talk funny? Why can’t I do both? I’m a funny guy.

How is everyone? My, my. It’s awfully dark in here. Is this thing on? Well…okay. Play along if you want to, I guess.

Interview With a Trooper – Episode IX

Well hello there! It’s time again for me to answer questions from some strange person on the internet because evidently I have nothing better to do. Okay, nothing better I want to do. Do you feel better now that you’ve forced that confession out of me. DAMN YOU!!!

Ahem. Anyhow….so I answered stuff….

1. What is the first movie you remember seeing? Probably one of the Star Wars movies. Dad used the VCR to tape them from TV somehow and I would watch them on repeat. Except for the last few minutes of Return of the Jedi, because he ran out of tape.
2. What is the first thing you do when you get home? Shut the front door.
   
3. What is the first thing you do when you open your eyes in the morning?  Close them again and try to go back to sleep.
4. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Why the hell am I up??
5. What is the first time you were allowed to put on make-up? Idk, I still haven’t asked yet.
6. What is the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Lost somewhere in my own head.
7. What is the hardest part of your job? Walking out at the end of the day knowing I didn’t get everything done I wanted to.
8. What is the last book you read? Exile by RA Salvatore
9. What is the last compliment you got? Um…not sure. I don’t keep a log I can consult.
10. What is the last film you saw? Spiderman Homecoming
11. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema? The Rise of Skywalker.
12. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Handbrake so I could convert a video for someone at work.
13. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Um, Spiderman Homecoming. You already asked me that.
14. What is the longest period you’ve spent in a hospital? A day and a half…which was only two weeks ago.
15. What is the most boring movie you’ve watched? Jesus of Nazareth. Every. Freakin’. Easter.
16. What is the most difficult thing you’ve done for love? Not leave.
17. What is the most important thing in your life? My children.
18. What is the name of your favorite restaurant? I don’t have favorites. Of anything.
19. What is the name of your first pet? Bunky. I’m not quite sure how mom came up with that name, but when she was naming our dog that was the name she answered to, so it stuck.
20. What is the one item you can’t leave home without? My body.
21. What is the pettiest thing you’ve done to prove a point? I’m sure I’ve done plenty of petty things in my life, but I’m not able to think of anything right now.
22. What is the scariest movie you’ve watched? In 7th grade I was shown a video of a live birth in sex ed. That was pretty brutal.
23. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? My uncle had an Atlanta Falcons helmet on his mantle at home. He had me convinced for years that he had been a kicker for the Falcons back in the 70’s.
24. What is the thing you change the TV channel with? It’s called a remote control, you tool.
25. What is the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your life? Trump supporters.
26. What is the worst grade you got on a test? An F, obviously. You can’t get any lower than that.
27. What is under your bed? The floor. Duh.
28. What is your all-time favorite town or city? I don’t have favorites!!! Why? Because I just don’t!!
29. What is your best childhood memory? Not a specific memory, but just having the freedom to go outside and play with friends or to play with my brothers in our basement full of toys without a worry in the world.
30. What is your best physical feature? Idk. My smile?

Interview With a Trooper – Episode VIII

It’s been a bit since I’ve posted an interview segment (because reasons), so I figured I’d get another post on the wall. How’s everyone doing??

1. What did you do for your last birthday? Idk, that was 7 months ago. I think the twins came over, we cooked out, and I had some celebratory drinks.
2. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? Probably Luke Skywalker or Han Solo. Either way, I was winning.
   
3. What did you want to be when you grew up? When I was very young, a baseball player. In high school, a teacher. In my 20’s, the best dad possible. In the 30’s…same. Now, in my 40’s, I want to go back to my childhood.
4. What do you call carbonated drink called? Call 911! I think the interviewer just had a stroke!
5. What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?  Weird.
6. What do you call your grandparents? I never met either of my grandfathers. Well, technically, that’s not true. One died before I was born, the other when I was two months old. So I did meet one of them, but I don’t remember it. Both of my grandmother’s I called grandma. Unoriginal, yes, but still loving.
7. What do you consider unforgivable? Cheating, or any other form of betrayal from someone in whom you’ve placed trust.
8. What do you dislike about living in your neighborhood? Nothing, so far. I mean, being this close to train tracks is somewhat annoying, but it’s not the end of the world.
9. What do you do for a living? I do IT support in a K-12 school corporation.
10. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? I’ll normally either read or put on a movie I’ve seen a million times (like Star Wars) and eventually I’ll pass out.
11. What do you do most when you are bored? Um, find something to do that isn’t boring. Duh.
12. What do you find yourself always procrastinating? Procrastination.
13. What do you like about your home? The roof is nice. It keeps out the rain.
14. What do you love about living in your neighborhood? Um…IDK. It’s a neighborhood. I just live here.
15. What do you love about your favorite TV Show? I don’t really have a favorite TV show. I don’t really have favorites of anything.
16. What do you think about more than anything else? I’m trying not to think about anything these days. It keeps me from despair.
17. What do you think about the most? Well, right now I’m thinking…how is this question any different than the one before it, and how it’s not, and that this is a stupid question.
18. What does your name mean? It means I answer when someone says it.
19. What drains your energy? What doesn’t? I haven’t had much energy at all these past few months. Hopefully, that will change as I recover from surgery.
20. What dreams have you given up on as unrealistic? Having a child who doesn’t talk back.
21. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Uh….I don’t know. I’ve never wished for another sibling. My family is already big as it is.
22. What flavor of tea do you enjoy? I don’t really like tea. I pity the fool.
23. What has been the hardest thing for you to face or learn? Hell, I don’t know. Even if you narrowed that question down to the last six months I couldn’t pick just one thing so much shit has been happening.
24. What has required the most courage of you in your life so far? Walking away from my first marriage, methinks.
25. What inspires you? I don’t know if inspired is the right term, but my children keep me motivated. Without them I don’t know what would keep me going.
26. What is a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? That my first wife used suicide as a tool to keep me from leaving her. I’ve written about it at length here, but it’s not something I shared with many people in real life. For some reason, I still feel a bit of shame about the whole ordeal.
27. What is an ideal first date for you? Not having one.
28. What is at the top of your bucket list? Creating a bucket list.
29. What is good about how you are living your life right now? So far I have not given into despair.
30. What is hard about being a parent? EVERYTHING.
31. What is hard about not being a parent? NOTHING. I mean, that’s probably not true, but I’ve been a parent so long I can’t remember what it was like to NOT be a parent.
32. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Pictures. I am surrounded by family pictures. I love it.
33. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Coffee?
34. What is one of the worse things that could happen to you? It already happened, I think.
35. What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents? See question 26…
36. What is one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? Move. I hate moving and have moved way too many times in my life.
37. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? How easily irritated I sometimes can be.
38. What is something most people don’t know about you? Me and Vader hang out and play Texas Hold ‘Em every Saturday night.
    
39. What is something that amazes you? How people keep defending Trump and the actions of the GOP somehow blocking witnesses to his impeachment trial.
40. What is something that scares you that you would never ever try? Jumping out of a plane. Or even flying in one.
41. What is something you are gifted at? Sarcasm.
42. What is something you look for in a partner? A sense of humor.
43. What is something you wish you were gifted at doing? Writing.
44. What is something you’ve never done that you’d like to try? Winning the lottery.
45. What is the best compliment you have ever received? You’re a good father.
46. What is the best part of your job? There’s a lot of things I like about it. The camaraderie with those I work with. Interacting with the students (most of the time). The freedom I have to run the network as I deem best and the trust that’s been given to me to do so. The list goes on.
47. What is the farthest-away place you’ve been? Bentonville, Arkansas. That was an interesting trip…
48. What is the first amusement park you’ve been to? Six Flags over Georgia, I think.
49. What is the first app you check when you wake up in the morning? Depends on which notification is at the top of the list.
50. What is the first book you remember reading? One of the Hardy Boys novels. When I was in middle school I read a bunch of those books.

Interview With a Trooper – Episode VI – Return of the Sarcasm

It’s that time again!

No, no. Not time for the Wheel of Morality.

It’s time for another interview with me, your favorite trooper!

Oh, shut up…

1. In what area of your life are you immature? I think the more appropriate question is, “In what part of my life am I NOT immature?”
2. Is anyone in your family in the army? My step-sister’s husband. So, I guess that makes him my step-brother-in-law? Is that a thing? Anyhow, he does that army thing.
3. Is the glass half empty or half full? Depends on what was in it. If it was coffee then it’s completely empty and I need a refill. If it was chocolate milk then the same. If it was….eh, who’m I kidding? I drank it all no matter what it is. Get me a refill.
4. Is there any item you collect? I used to collect Star Wars stuff, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten less passionate about it. I still have the collection, but I’ve not added to it in quite some time. I also collect gray hairs, but that’s quite a reluctant collection…
5. Is your father bald? He has a small spot on the back of his head where hair has vacated the premises.
6. Last time you swam in a pool? Labor Day at my dad’s house. Good times.
7. Most ridiculous thing you’ve had to visit the hospital for? I can’t think of any visits that were ridiculous. Any time I’ve been to a hospital it’s been for a serious injury, illness, or the birth of a child. You know, the good stuff.
8. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your fashion sense? Uh, 5?
9. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your driving skills? Uh, 9?
10. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your cooking skills? Look, the last time I stepped on a scale the number was a bit higher than 10…
11. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, how good a kisser are you? You know, I’ve never kissed myself. I have no clue.
12. One thing you know now that you wish you had known as a kid? Adulthood is a trap.
    
13. Pick one, a comedy movie or a horror movie? Comedy. I’d rather laugh than piss my pants. Or, if I piss my pants, I want it to be because I’m laughing and not screaming.
14. Pick one, cats or dogs? Dogs. Cats are no fun. And they normally have shitty attitudes.
15. Pick one, chatting or phone call? Doesn’t one of these entail the other?
16. Pick one, cheat or be cheated on? How about neither?
17. Pick one, chicken or beef?  How about both?
18. Pick one, Coke or Pepsi? Coke. Pepsi tastes like Coke that someone spilled sewage in…
19. Pick one, exceptional strength or intelligence Intelligence, for sure.
20. Pick one, forgiveness or vengeance? Ugh. Neither, really. But if I must choose, forgiveness.
21. Pick one, free health care or free education? Ideally, both. But in this insipid scenario I’d pick free education to become a doctor and give myself free health care.
22. Pick one, Halloween or Valentine’s Day I’m not a fan of either, but Valentine’s Day is the most ludicrous holiday there is. Well, except for President’s Day. I used to think President’s Day was cool until some dick with a dead animal on his head and orange skin ruined it.
23. Pick one, IOS or Android? Android, FTW!
24. Pick one, kill or be killed? No! You can’t make me!
25. Pick one, meat or fish? I mean, fish are living creatures, so shouldn’t their flesh be considered meat?

News: I have completed a rough draft of my novel! I’m going through my first edit currently. Yay!

Query: What news do you have, meatbag?

Interview With a Trooper – Part 2(+2)

Guten tag! It’s almost the weekend! I’ve been posting these on Saturdays, but tomorrow I’ll be in the middle of my umpteenth move. Evidently my landlord is such a drunken, abusive ass that his wife kicked him out and he needs a place to live, so he basically told us to get out.

Today is also Black Friday here in ‘Merica, the day people go out and beat each other senseless for stupid shit on sale for stupid cheap the day after allegedly giving thanks for stupid things they already have. How stupid.

Perhaps I’m jaded (perhaps?!?!), but having worked 13 Black Fridays (or Blitz, as a certain store whose name rhymes with Ballmart refers to it) I have a very dark view of most humans. If you’re out shopping today, just know I think you’re crazy and brave at the same time, and I hope you’re not one of those morons who ends up on the news.

Well, enough of that. Let’s get to the interview!

1. How are you different from your Dad? He’s conservative, I lean a little to the left. I’m funny, he’s not (hi dad!). I can see multiple points of view. I’m not sure he can. Otherwise, we’re quite similar.
2. How are you different from your Mother? Mom was loyal to people who mistreated her. I am to a point, but eventually reach a point where I’m done and cut that person (or people) out. I’m a little more self-motivated than she was. She was kind of a slob, and I prefer my house to be clean(ish).
3. How are you feeling right now? Well, I just answered a questions about my mom, so I’m a little bummed out.
4. How are you glad that you are like your Dad? Dad is intelligent and really good at fixing/building things. I like to believe I am, too.
5. How are you glad that you are like your Mother? Mom was intelligent, too, and extremely funny and loving. I like to think I have those qualities.
6. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? Being honest comes very naturally to me, but doing so when my words may hurt the recipient is extremely hard for me and something I often avoid way past the point of return.
7. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? I can’t forgive some things even if the person apologizes.
8. How do you replenish your energy? I use a charger. Duh.
9. How does music matter to you? Music is life. It’s how I cope. And I love to sing along.
10. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? About 250 miles. As the crow flies. Or something.
11. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? Hell, I don’t know. I can’t peer into the past and then from there into a different future and see things being any different whether I was the first child (I am) or the last.
12. How many Boyfriends/Girlfriends have you had? I don’t know. Don’t feel like driving down memory lane to get a count, either.
13. How many countries have you been to? This one.
14. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? I doubt I’d make it a day before going nuts.
    

    

15. How many keys on your key ring? All of them.
16. How many oceans have you swum in? I’ve SWAM in the Atlantic a handful of times, you illiterate stooge.
17. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Uh, four?
18. How many relationships have you been in? Serious relationships? 3.
19. How many rings before you answer the phone? My ring tone is continuous so one…if I even answer. I don’t like talking to people so I normally let it go to my voicemail, which isn’t setup. It’s a nice way to avoid feeling obligated to call people back.
20. How many tattoos do you have? We did this already!!!
21. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? No more than necessary.
22. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? This is quite a personal question I don’t feel comfortable answering. How rude. Perv.
23. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections? I don’t read newspapers. I get my news via Google or Microsoft News.
24. How often do you skip breakfast? Much like Hobbits, never.
    
25. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

How is everybody? Talk to me. Tell me things. Whisper sweet nothings into my comment box.

Interview With a Trooper – Part 33 1/3

Welcome to the continuing saga of an almost 350 question interview which I have decided to break down into parts because I’m lazy, don’t feel like answering them all at once, and spare you from overdosing on my idiocy. Here are some more questions!!!

1. Do you remember your dreams? I’ve never really remembered my dreams. However, since mom died she’s visited me in my sleep more times than I can count. I don’t remember my entire dreams, but I remember the parts with her. Each time I see her I get excited, then remember she’s gone and then hide somewhere and cry.
2. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? I used to, but now I get rid of them unless they have sentimental value.
3. Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Depends on what’s in it.
4. Do you sing in the shower? Oh, hell yeah. I rock that shit.
5. Do you sleep with the lights on or off? Who can sleep with the lights on?
6. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? I spell it correctly.
7. Do you take any pills or medication daily? Sadly, yes. The voices tell me they keep me sane.
8. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Didn’t we already cover this? What shoddy journalism. #fakenews
9. Does your name make any interesting anagrams? I’ve never tried….
10. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? WHY?? Seriously, why do these exist? Beauty pageants are some of the most chauvinist, superficial things man has ever created.
11. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? MMmmmmm….breadsticks.
12. Have you ever dated two people at a time? Not dated….
13. Have you ever had Indian food? I don’t think so.
14. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? Yes! Stupid catholic school….
15. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike? Nope. I don’t think going that fast with nothing between me and the road is intelligent.
16. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? Yup. I can even speak whale.
17. Have you ever suffered a fracture? Yup. Pro tip: playing catcher without a catcher’s mask is NOT a good idea.
18. Have you ever taken karate lessons? Does watching Karate Kid count?
19. Have you ever taken self-defense lessons? Nope.
20. Have you ever urinated in a pool? I’m sure I did when I was a kid.
21. Have you ever visited a country outside your continent? I’ve never visited another country IN my continent…
22. Have you ever won a trophy or an award? What was it for? Sure, when I played sports as a kid.
23. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? I haven’t really forgiven myself, but I don’t dwell on them anymore. They still haunt me occasionally, but for the most part they are buried in the past.
24. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? Which one is your favorite? No, no, and hell no.
25. How and where do you prefer to study? By myself in a quiet place which I can never seem to find anymore with all these kids in the house.

Saturday Randomness

It still happens. I imagine it will for some time. Maybe until I join her in the afterlife. But a song on my playlist came on and brought me back to her.

I remembered her. I mourned her again. Tears ran. I couldn’t breathe.

Yeah, yeah they did. Eventually the pain passed and I remembered her laugh and that brought a smile to my reddened face and a small sparkle to my bloodshot eyes.

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I haven’t done much maintenance around here lately. In fact, it’s been years since I’ve done anything with this place other than publish an occasional post. This morning I updated my about page, as it was severely out of date. I also removed my blogroll, as most of the blogs on it no longer exist (yeah, I’ve been around here a while). Lastly, I updated my Published Bloggers page. Several books by blogging buddies have been released since I created the page in 2014, and it was also quite dated. Please check it out and maybe pick up an ebook (or real book if you’re old school) or two.

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In a little over two weeks the twins will enjoy their 20th birthday. I am completely flabbergasted that I’ve sired humans that old. They are amazing young men, and I couldn’t be more proud.

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Little C drives me insane. He’s got more energy than he knows what to do with. He is constantly bouncing off the walls, randomly changing topics, and narrating anything he’s doing. Sometimes I just want to run away. BUT…then he comes up to me randomly and gives me a hug and tells me he loves me, and my heart melts. And then the cycle resumes…

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I’ve been writing. Reading my brother’s latest book inspired me to return to a novel I began writing 5 years ago. In the past couple of weeks I’ve written over 12,000 words. I’ve been writing on my computer. I’ve been writing on my phone. I’ve been writing on my iPad. Technology has made it easier than ever to write wherever I may be. I’ve been writing using yWriter, which is an amazing piece of novel writing software developed by an actual author, and helps you keep everything in your story organized. It is available on Windows/Mac for free, and on Android and iOS for $5. I’ve paid for both versions of the app because I have an iPad and my phone is Android. I’m not sorry I did, either.

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Okay. I think I’m out of randomness now. Share some randomness with me. Tell me things. What have you been up to??