Saturday Randomness

It still happens. I imagine it will for some time. Maybe until I join her in the afterlife. But a song on my playlist came on and brought me back to her.

I remembered her. I mourned her again. Tears ran. I couldn’t breathe.
Yeah, yeah they did. Eventually the pain passed and I remembered her laugh and that brought a smile to my reddened face and a small sparkle to my bloodshot eyes.

I haven’t done much maintenance around here lately. In fact, it’s been years since I’ve done anything with this place other than publish an occasional post. This morning I updated my about page, as it was severely out of date. I also removed my blogroll, as most of the blogs on it no longer exist (yeah, I’ve been around here a while). Lastly, I updated my Published Bloggers page. Several books by blogging buddies have been released since I created the page in 2014, and it was also quite dated. Please check it out and maybe pick up an ebook (or real book if you’re old school) or two.
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In a little over two weeks the twins will enjoy their 20th birthday. I am completely flabbergasted that I’ve sired humans that old. They are amazing young men, and I couldn’t be more proud.

Little C drives me insane. He’s got more energy than he knows what to do with. He is constantly bouncing off the walls, randomly changing topics, and narrating anything he’s doing. Sometimes I just want to run away. BUT…then he comes up to me randomly and gives me a hug and tells me he loves me, and my heart melts. And then the cycle resumes…

I’ve been writing. Reading my brother’s latest book inspired me to return to a novel I began writing 5 years ago. In the past couple of weeks I’ve written over 12,000 words. I’ve been writing on my computer. I’ve been writing on my phone. I’ve been writing on my iPad. Technology has made it easier than ever to write wherever I may be. I’ve been writing using yWriter, which is an amazing piece of novel writing software developed by an actual author, and helps you keep everything in your story organized. It is available on Windows/Mac for free, and on Android and iOS for $5. I’ve paid for both versions of the app because I have an iPad and my phone is Android. I’m not sorry I did, either.

Okay. I think I’m out of randomness now. Share some randomness with me. Tell me things. What have you been up to??

Random Thoughts: 10/8/2014

Thank you for tuning in to the Imperial News Network, where we’ll give you a completely biased viewpoint provided by the government. We report. We decide.

It’s that time again! Time for me to sit on my soapbox and dish opinions out on today’s news stories. Not all of them, of course. That would take far too long and get boring fairly quickly. In this edition I’ve gone more in-depth on my opinions, so there are fewer stories and more verbal diarrhea. You’re welcome.

Imagine you’re gay. You live an open life and have a partner of the same gender. You want a child, but you don’t adopt because it’s damn near impossible for same-sex couples to get approved for adoption. So you get artificially inseminated (Obviously, you’re also female). Now, imagine that you and your partner are both white and that nine months later you give birth to a mixed child due to a clerical error at the sperm bank. Are you going to sue the sperm bank because you have a mixed child?

If you’re Jennifer Cramblett and Amanda Zinkon you do. Never mind that for most of history, two gay women having a child naturally wasn’t even possible (or accepted). Never mind that they have a gorgeous little 2-year old girl. They are worried about their daughter being mistreated because she’s half-black.

While that IS a valid concern, even if their daughter was white she would still face criticism for having two moms. It’s not fair, but that’s the way the world is. Cramblett is also worried that her “all white, and often unconsciously insensitive family” might mistreat her half-black daughter.

Mrs. Cramblett, if your family mistreats your daughter simply because she’s half-black then you kick them to the curb. Under no circumstances should you tolerate any mistreatment of her. Furthermore, if your family is open-minded enough to have accepted the fact that you’re gay and married to a woman, I find it hard to believe they would reject or mistreat a biracial child.

You two ladies need to be thankful that you have a happy, healthy daughter and drop this ridiculous lawsuit. Get your fucking priorities straight.

Oh, dear. More racial insensitivity. Dafuq is wrong with people?

Robert Pattinson, horrible actor and sparkling vampire wannabe, is dating musician FKA twigs (I’m sure there’s some reasonable explanation for that asinine name, but that’s a post for another day.). Now, there is a faction of Americans out there who are die-hard Twilight fans. They even have their own name. Twihards. I wish I were making this up. Anyhow, these…Twihards…are upset for some reason that Pattinson is no longer giving the business to Kristen Stewart. Toward that end, they have been harassing FKA twig on Twitter. That in itself is lame. What’s entirely even more loathsome, however, is that they are doing so with racism.

Yes, folks, FKA twig is black.

First of all, Twihards, get a fucking grip. I’m a Star Wars nerd but do you see me getting bent out of shape because Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher aren’t married? No. These are actors and actors are not required to carry out your ridiculous fantasies in real life. Shocking, I know. Secondly, racism is NOT acceptable. Ever. Who Pattinson decides to date is HIS business, and no one else’s. Geezass.

*this story is from Reddit, and has not been confirmed by any reliable source*
A 2nd grade teacher somewhere in America let a parent of one of her students bring in cookies on a Friday because the class had done well throughout the week. Friday afternoon, a parent walked in with a batch of cookies…with vaginas made of frosting on them.

The teacher explained that she could not give those to the children and the mom went OFF. She shouted things like,’You should be proud of your vagina’ and ‘You are settling for a women’s role in life.’ Right in front of the children, too.

Then, the mother leaves and continues to unload on the teacher via email. Among the winning (sarcasm alert) in this email, the mother tells the teacher that she has “settled” because teaching is a woman’s job, that the vagina should be celebrated, and that she hopes the teacher ends up with a husband who beats her.

Classy, eh?

So, Crazy Vagina Lady, you’re right. The vagina should be celebrated. Lord knows I celebrate every time I see one. There is just one thing you’re forgetting, though. Those children were 2ND-FUCKING-GRADERS!

Survey says….YOU’RE A DUMBASS!!

There is an appropriate time and age for sex education. 7-year-olds are not your target audience. Or, they shouldn’t be. Furthermore. lambasting a teacher for refusing to break out into an ad-libbed edition of the Vagina Monologues in front of second-graders only makes YOU look like a tool. It is not a teacher’s place to decide classroom curriculum. That is decided at state level, not by the teacher. It is, or should be, a parent’s choice when and how to educate their children about sex. That is not up to you. You need to take a Valium and calm the fuck down.

The NFL has come under extreme fire this year for its botching of the Ray Rice case in the wake of his vicious assault on his then-girlfriend, now-wife. And rightly so. In the aftermath, they’ve updated their Domestic Violence policy, and two of the three players accused of DV right now are not playing.

While the NFL still struggles with the spate of ugly DV charges against its players, one athlete in another sport continues to play and hardly anyone is talking about it. That player is Hope Solo. Hope Solo has been accused of assaulting her 17-year-old nephew and his mother.

To be fair, Solo’s case is still ongoing. She maintains her innocence. Meanwhile, she has been named to the US Olympic Team. I’m a firm believer in “innocent until proven guilty,” but if we, as a public, are going to demand the NFL punish players who have yet to be convicted then the US Soccer team should also be held to that same standard, and should punish Hope Solo by excluding her from the roster. Domestic Violence comes in a multitude of forms and is not committed only by men. I have been a victim of Domestic Violence in the past and I can testify to that fact. Hope Solo should be held to the same standard by the public as the NFL players we’ve been (rightly) demonizing.

That’s all we have for today’s program! Sound off on today’s stories in the comments below!

Random Thoughts: 9-16-2014

You guys!! It’s time for another brain dump! Here are this week’s (I say that like this is a regularly scheduled feature or something) random thoughts on stories that caught my attention.

So, a chef at a restaurant called Mad Fresh (snarky comments will be saved for the rest of this story) has banned ketchup from his establishment. The mad chef (I like that name) contends that his food is so perfectly prepared and flavored that no ketchup is needed, and has even kicked people out for sneaking ketchup into the restaurant. Well, fuck you, mad chef! If I like ketchup on my food I’ll put it on my food no matter what you think of your flavors.

“I think ketchup is edible – on certain things. I’ll give it that much. But it’s just not part of my culinary agenda,” the mad chef claims. Ah, well. I guess what I, your paying customer wants, is immaterial. Ass.

Sigh. Another pastor who thinks gays should be put to death. That sounds EXACTLY like what Jesus used to preach, right? RIGHT? I say we start putting people who perpetuate hate to death (note to literalists out there – that was sarcasm).

So a woman was recently kicked out of a restaurant recently while breastfeeding. She’s making a huge stink about it on Facebook. What she’s failing to mention, though, is that she was drinking while breastfeeding, and that’s why the manager on duty asked her to leave. I’ve read the comments from people defending this mom, saying that as long as she doesn’t drink right before breastfeeding the alcohol won’t affect the baby. Others are saying whatever the mom ingests goes to the baby. Both sides linked to sites which support their claims. My problem is this: if you’re carrying an infant around I don’t think you should be doing shots and drinking beer. You’re eventually going to have to carry that child out of there. What if you drop the baby or fall over while carrying the baby because you’re drunk? What if your drunk ass accidentally knocks the baby off the changing table? What if, what if, what if? In my opinion, drinking while caring for an infant is irresponsible, whether you’re breastfeeding or not.

A funeral home in Saginaw, Michigan has opened a drive thru window. Scratching your head? I was, too. Evidently, the window will allow people to pay their respects without ever leaving their car. What. The. Fuck. Are there really people who’s lives are so terribly important that they can’t get out of their fucking cars to pay respect to the dead? Is this a thing?

Is it a prerequisite to say absolutely asinine shit to be a Republican? I’m just wondering, because it seems like at least once a month one of them makes headlines for uttering absurdly insensitive and stupid shit. This month it’s Russell Pearce, who said on his very own radio show, “You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get a woman Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations …”

Um, really, Russ? Can I call you Russ? I guess it’s too late to ask that since I already have. Russ, isn’t forced sterilization something the Nazi’s did? *checks Google* Yes, they did. You really want to take a page out of Adolf Hitler’s book?

Russ claims that the statement was written by someone else, who he conveniently failed to name. Whether or not someone else wrote that garbage, Russ, you read it on air and left the impression that you agreed with the statement. Tool.normal_stfu

Things continue to get muddier for the NFL. Last week’s Thursday Night Football game introduction was supposed to feature a song performed by Rihanna, but in the wake of the Ray Rice video tape being released they opted not to use her song since she had been a victim of domestic violence herself at the hands of Chris Brown back in 2009. CBS claims that they needed “appropriate tone and coverage” in the wake of the video tape going public, but as far as I’m concerned all they did was punish a victim for being a victim.

Rihanna was savagely beaten and tossed from a car. Then CBS says, hey, you’re too close to this so we’re not going to play your music for millions of potential fans to hear. They could have instead played her song and perhaps gotten her thoughts on domestic violence since, you know, she was once brutally assaulted by someone of Ray Rice’s stature. I guess that makes too much sense.

Speaking of the NFL, who here has heard of the Adrian Peterson charges? Everyone? Good. Let me just say, the Minnesota Vikings are run by a bunch of insensitive and hypocritical assholes. Peterson has never shied away from the fact that he whoops his children with switches. He’s openly admitted it. So how did the Vikings initially respond? They deactivated him last weekend. Then they got their asses handed to them by the Patriots on Sunday. Guess what the Vikings are saying now? If you answered, “We need to let the legal process play out,” then you’ve won a cookie.

Wait what??

Why does the legal process need to play out? He’s admitted it. Let’s be frank about what’s going on here. Peterson is the most talented athlete on that team and they had their asses handed to them without him in the line up. If they were really interested in letting the legal process play out Peterson wouldn’t have been deactivated last week. If they were as concerned about the children as they say they are, they wouldn’t wait for the legal process to play out since Peterson has admitted, quite proudly, that “All my kids will know, hey daddy has the biggie heart but don’t play no games when it comes to acting right.” Peterson’s heart may be in the right place, but his methods are barbaric.

And, because I don’t want this post to be completely negative and upsetting, here are highlights from an insanely talented one-handed basketball player…

What say you? Do you have thoughts about my, um, thoughts?


Random Thoughts: 9/4/2014

Once upon a time I had a regular feature entitled Random Thoughts. The premise of these posts was for me to peruse the news and link to any articles which caught my fancy and elicited some sort of opinion or retort from me. I haven’t published a Random Thoughts post in over two years. Quite frankly, I forgot about the feature until I took my blog offline recently and made the transition from the old blog to this one and was sweeping through it to clean up any references to my old domain. I think it’s about time to resurrect this feature because it gives me a chance to be snarky and sarcastic, two things I enjoy a bit too much. So, without further ado, I bequeath upon thee unsolicited thoughts on what’s making the news!

  • Evidently being famous and attending the US Open is newsworthy. My Imperial mind still cannot grasp the logic behind celebrity culture. Can someone please explain to me why we need every detail about celebrities’ lives?

    Who cares???
  • Some dude named Adam Rogers decided to write a book about the science of booze, and included a handy chapter on hangovers at the end. “Is there a cure for hangovers?” you drunks are surely wondering. (I WAS wondering that! And don’t call me Shirley.) Well, yes. Rogers claims that if you drink less you’ll reduce the likelihood of a hangover. 
  • New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was recently asked when he’ll retire. His response?

    “When I suck, I’ll retire,” Brady said, via the Boston Globe. “But I don’t plan on sucking for a long time.”

    Ha ha ha. That is awesome. I would totally say the same thing. Unreasonable minds would argue that Brady already sucks, but his stats definitely tell a different narrative.

    New England Patriots at Washington Redskins 08...
    Hey! That guy over there said I suck. Hurt him. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
  • Ashley Simpson got marred. Why the fuck is this news? Anyone? Buehler?
  • A 9-year-old recently shot (and killed) her gun instructor accidentally while being taught how to wield an Uzi. Why the FUCK does a 9-year-old need to know how tousean Uzi??

    I'm so confused.
  • So California is in the midst of a pretty horrific drought right now. Residents have been advised to conserve water or face stiff financial penalties for failure to do so. This means there are a lot of brown lawns. Enter Drew McClellan, who (for $300) will come and spray paint your lawn a luscious green with (allegedly) eco-friendly paint. I’ve owned a couple of homes in my day, and to be honest I could care less whether or not my grass is green as long as it’s been mowed. Does a healthy green lawn look better than yard full of anorexic-looking grass? Of course, but why do we put so much stock and effort into having green lawns? There are so many more important things to focus on than spreading Scott’s lawn seed across our yards. Like spending time with our children and teaching them not to worship celebrities.
  • Breaking news! Princess Diana’s makeup artist has revealed her beauty secrets! This is important stuff, ladies! Remember, you don’t matter unless you’re beautiful. Sigh…
  • Denver Broncos wide-receiver Wes Welker has been suspended four games for testing positive for amphetamines. He denies it, of course (insert eye roll here), and even goes as far as suggesting someone spiked his drink with the banned substance. Sure, Wes. No doubt some nefarious criminals are out to spike your drinks with amphetamines. I bet I’m the victim of a similar and equally outrageous plot! The reason I’m fat HAS to be because someone has mischievously been spiking my plates with unhealthy food all these years.
  • Kim Kardashian did…something. I don’t know. I don’t even care. I didn’t read it because I don’t give a shit. I’m just wondering how the fuck she became famous and why anyone cares what she does. So she made a sex tape. Big deal. Millions of people have made sex tapes. There’s an entire industry devoted to making sex tapes. It’s called pornography. No porn star gets the Entertainment Tonight treatment like KK does, and any porn star has made more than one sex tape. Any porn star has done it better, too. Or so I hear. Look, I really wouldn’t know. I don’t watch porn. C’mon!
  • A 16-year-old gender nonconformist (whatever that is) is suing the South Carolina DMV because they made him remove the makeup he regularly wears before taking his driver’s license photo. The DMV states that a rule forbids altering your appearance so that misleading photographs aren’t taken. My question is this: Do they enforce this rule on everyone or just men? If this rule isn’t enforced on women who wear excessive make up, then this young man has a case. If it is, then this kid is wasting our time.

Aaaaaaaaand that’s all I can take of current events for right now. I just remembered why I don’t regularly check the news. The stupidity found therein always pisses me off.

Audience Participation Time!
Are there any recent events you’d like to sound off on?