Four Score (but really only two months) Ago…

I faced the most daunting challenge of my life.

A CT scan revealed that a 4cm mass of thyroid tissue had grown outside of my actual thyroid, and a biopsy determined it was cancerous, so on January 22nd, I went in for what my ENT described as a neck dissection.

I had only had surgery once in my life to that point, and that was in 2nd grade. It was a simple procedure to remove scar tissue from the malformed growth that emerged after having my fingertip sewn back on after a freak toy box accident. No, that is not a typo, sadly.

This was going to be vastly different. This operation would be much more invasive and would be centered around several vital parts of my anatomy. I was so filled with anxiety that my doctor put me on a beta-blocker a week before the procedure to reduce my heart rate and blood pressure.

The operation lasted 5 hours, and I was in recovery for another 2 hours. My thyroid was removed, along with 53 lymph nodes. I woke with 16 staples in my neck and looked like a reject from a Tim Burton movie.

I’m once again fighting constant fatigue. The effects of radiation therapy can last from 4 to 8 weeks. I can barely taste anything, and my neck and part of my right cheek have swelled back up.

BUT…everything is looking good. At least, that’s what they’re telling me. So, for that, I am thankful.

If all this suffering keeps me around to continue watching my children grow, I’ll gladly endure it. Okay, maybe not gladly.

As I slowly come back together, the world outside is falling apart. This pandemic has shutdown nearly everything, and C’s stepfather was diagnosed with COVID-19, despite not being tested due to a shortage of tests. So C’s stuck here with me while I’m hoping that 1) the diagnosis is wrong and 2) if it isn’t, he didn’t bring it here with him.

Aside: I’m not a medical professional, but I’m not sure why they wouldn’t at least do a flu test to rule that out first

To sum this rambling shitshow up, 2020 can go suck a big, dirty…toe. What a bunch of suck this year has been.How’s everyone fairing during these trying times? I hope everyone is healthy!

How To Lose Readers in 10 Ways

  1. Ensure you post on a regular basis to build readership. Then disappear for two months with no notice.
  2. Tell other bloggers that, even though you plan to be around and read…don’t.
  3. Stop sharing other bloggers’ work…because the demons in your head tell you that no one gives a fuck anyhow.
  4. Build relationships and connections on social media, then quit using them altogether.
  5. Spend time building a physical relationship instead of virtual ones.
  6. Give up a job that pays you to surf the internet all day (and, thus, paid you to write) for a job that keeps you busy for 50+ hours a week.
  7. Pay attention to your 4-year-old instead of your blog.
  8. Become so cynical and disgusted with society that you can’t write because all you’ll do is bitch about current events.
  9. Create lists of 10 with only 9 items in them…then treat the rest of the post like a journal entry.

It’s been a very hectic summer. First and foremost, because of my job. We did a complete network rebuild over the summer, and working so hard for so long leaves me completely drained on most days. When I get home my only priority is not to think.

Other things have been happening, too. My mother moved out this past weekend, so I was finally able to get Baby C back in his own room and out of my bed. I swear that kid does gymnastics in his sleep. My relationship with C’s mother is going very well, and things are progressing nicely. We made it to a family reunion, got covered in mosquito bites, and had a blast. The twins spent most of the summer at work with me. I wanted them, since they have no idea what they want to do with their careers, to see what it is I do to see if they like it. They liked it, for the most part. I, however, found myself wondering why I willingly brought two miniature versions of myself to work with me on a daily basis. What the hell was I thinking?

On the downside, I’ve been increasingly disgusted. I’m disgusted with humanity. I scroll through Facebook and the news is just horrifying. Cops are killing unarmed civilians (white and black). Children are being murdered at an unprecedented rate in Cincinnati. Donald Trump is running for president…and leading the Republican polls. Jon Stewart retired. It’s like misanthropy was injected into my heart and is slowly coursing through my body. I had to unfollow a lot of new sites because I just can’t take any more bad news. It’s really true that ignorance is bliss. Perhaps that’s not the best solution, but my mental health is more important to me than being an informed citizen.

Speaking of mental health, it’s still mostly okay. I’m still taking my meds; nothing has changed there. The stress from work has been effecting me lately, though. I’ve been shorter with some folks than I prefer to be. I’m becoming easily irritated. I’m hoping that once things settle down and I can sleep regularly again that my patience will return.

This is about all the rambling I can do, tonight. I’m pretty sure this post sucks so I need to wrap it up and publish it before I reread it and decide to delete it because, really, who wants to listen to me bitch?

Tell me about your summer. What have you been up to? What have I missed? What posts should I be reading?