You Won’t Like Me When I’m Angry

You’ve been warned.

I realize that this will be my third post today and that is completely abnormal for me, but I need to unload. I know I’m stressing the belt around your email account’s waste, but I don’t care.

As most of you deduced from a poem I published last week, Superbitch moved out. Despite both of our well intentions, we just couldn’t reignite the flame between us. I was saddened by this, and perhaps irrationally bitter at times, but I’m okay with it. We tried and it didn’t work. Things didn’t get ugly and we’ve gone our separate ways.

So what better time is there than just going from a dual income household to a single income household for car troubles? (That’s a rhetorical question, Maphia. Keep up with me.) As I drove to work last Thursday there were important parts clanking around whenever I turned my vehicle. I consulted an expert (me) and came to the conclusion that this needs to be looked at pretty damned quickly. So I took my car to Midas (big mistake, Indy!) so they could have the pleasure of ripping money I don’t have out of my ass.

Turns out the parts knocking around were very important. I had somehow broken the strut mounts and axle on my passenger-front side. I don’t recall hitting any leviathan potholes or running over any portly pedestrians, nevertheless some ruthless force of nature severed these “durable” parts. The kind, goofy looking Midas man told me it would be $650 for parts and labor. I bent over and took it like a man.

Last weekend it was just Baby C and I as the twins were with their mother for spring break. Sounds fun, but in reality he was getting over a stomach virus and either had a cold or allergies because he had a runny nose all weekend. Sick baby=cranky baby. Fuck. We did have some fun over the weekend, but there was also some times where I wanted to run away or get drunk. Then there were other times when I wanted to do both simultaneously.

Fastforward to today. Today is supposed to be my day with the twins. I had planned on taking them to see the new Captain America movie tonight. Then an hour before I was supposed to leave I found out that there was to be a conference call I was required to be on which started at the time I normally leave. So 40 minutes into a call that was for sales people (I’m not a sales person) I just left.

Then my day really turned to shit.

About a half mile from work I stopped at a red light. When the light turned green I hit the gas, as most of us are wont to do. The car lurched forward, then there was a loud pop and the car was no longer moving. What ensued was an unfortunate series of stupid events. There was a good samaritan. That was cool. Then there was the redneck tow driver who wouldn’t stop talking and was bitching about hillbillies (um, you are one, dude). Then an EMT and a cop showed up simultaneously because some passerby called in a medical emergency. Sigh…

Long story short, the axle that had just been installed just 5 days ago popped out of the transmission because the clip that is supposed hold it in was bent too far. Nice. So not only am I driving my mother’s car for now, I’m currently out $104 for the tow (which they had better reimburse me for or I will cut a bitch), I didn’t get to see Captain America, and I didn’t even get to see my children because all this wasn’t taken care of until about an hour ago.

And to top it all off, when I got home I found out that the light in the fucking fridge is out. Fuck.

So I’m pissed off, y’all. I am fucking LIVID. This past week and a half has been calamity after fucking calamity. So I just have to say….

Fuck you, life!

Aren’t there other motherfuckers (Really WP? You recognize motherfucker as a word but not motherfuckers? FUCK YOU, TOO!) to dick with? You gotta shit on me? Kiss my ass! Fuck off! Bite me! Other angry phrases! Why don’t you go deal these setbacks to those pompous 1% motherfuckers? You know, the assholes who can afford it? Knobgobbler.

Sigh.

Okay. I feel better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. How are you?

PS. Fuck life. Fuck it right up its hairy asshole.