Last Man Standing

Over the last month or so, I’ve been having headaches. Lots and lots of headaches. At the end of my workdays my eyes hurt and I would have double, or sometimes triple, vision. I asked a coworker, who wears glasses, if this could be vision related. His answer was an emphatic yes.

Dammit.

I scheduled an appointment for an eye exam at the Wal-Mart Vision Center last week. I hadn’t had my vision tested since I was in grade school. I had no idea what to expect but I was fairly certain I would be walking out of there with the knowledge that I’d need to wear glasses for the rest of my life.

The exam took only a handful of minutes. Once concluded, the optometrist said, “How do you feel about wearing glasses?”

Dammit.

Even though this was the outcome I expected, I was still disappointed. I was hoping to escape with a pair of reading glasses. Instead I walked out with a prescription.

Wal-Mart doesn’t accept my vision insurance, so I headed to Lenscrafters this past Saturday to get my “new eyes.” I walked in, not having a clue what to do. I have never shopped for glasses before. I walked up to the counter, where the manager told me I needed to pick out my frames first. After a few minutes I had picked out some frames that didn’t suck as much as the rest. I was then seated in front of a camera and they measured the lenses for optimum vision. I then paid an exorbitant amount of money ($200 is a lot of money for me…) and had to wait an hour to get my glasses.

When first I told my mother (in my classic whiny voice) that I had to get glasses she was unsympathetic to my plight. “So what?” she said. I am the last person in my immediate family to get glasses. My mom has had them since she was in sixth grade. She now wears bifocals. My dad has had them for reading and driving as far back as I can remember. Revis got his first pair in middle school. My youngest brother had to get them in high school, I think. Baby A had to get reading glasses a couple of years ago. That I somehow made it 36 years without them is quite an accomplishment.

I haven’t gotten a chance to really test them as I haven’t worn them a full day at work yet, but I can already tell the difference in the little time I’ve spent in front of my home computer since Saturday. I don’t have to squint or strain my eyes while trying to read. I’m still getting used to them walking around the house. If I turn my head quickly while wearing them, the periphery of my vision gets all distorted and it’s an almost dizzying feeling.

I’ve been dreading this for a long time. I knew I would need glasses eventually, and that time is upon me. Though I’ll be glad not to be cross-eyed and plagued with a headache every day when I leave work, I still loathe the idea of having to wear glasses. But it’s one more thing I have to live with. Oh well.

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Outtakes

I haven’t done outtakes in a long, long time, but here are some of the reactions I received upon wearing my new glasses.

“Why do you have to wear glasses?”
Baby B.

Baby A rolled his eye’s and shouted, “Seriously?” I just stared blankly at my son until he realized how absurd his question was.

“You look smarter.”
Baby B

You’re grounded, smart ass.

“Awwwwww, you look cute!”
My mom.

She’s supposed to say that, though.

*uncontrolled laughter* Then, “No, they look good.”
My dad.

Yeah…sure. Ass.

Query: Do you wear glasses, meatbag? Do you require an apparatus to see roughly half as well as a droid such as myself can? It’s too bad the master is a meatbag.