I Got A Letter

I haven’t really spoken about it here, but the news has surely made its way around: fellow blogger Grayson Queen passed away. I don’t know the details, and I’m not going to pry. The important thing here is another artistic soul has been stolen from us.

Admittedly, I didn’t know Grayson all that well. Well, not personally. I knew him well through his wife’s writing. And what I knew through her writing was that Grayson was an amazing and complex man. I was heartbroken by the news. My heart broke for someone so young to be taken so suddenly. My heart also broke for Rawra. Life has just been constantly shitting on her for the past few years. It’s as if life isn’t satisfied that she is serving time for a crime she did not commit, so life also saw fit to steal her husband from her. Life can be beautiful, but it can also be a cruel bitch.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve only written Rawra once since she began serving her sentence. As soon as I heard the news, though, I immediately sent her a letter conveying my condolences and letting her know that she is still loved despite the fact that I have not written her in over a year. Sure, life has been busy. Yes, things have been happening. Of course, I work and chase children around and cook and clean and sleep and do ALL THE THINGS. But none of that is an excuse. It would only have taken a handful of minutes to scrawl some words on a paper and mail it to let her know she is not forgotten. But I didn’t, and I feel like shit.

Unfortunately, I’m a sort of “out of sight, out of mind” type of person. If you’re not in front of me I don’t think about you. That isn’t to say that you’re not important to me, it just means that I’m focused on what’s in front of me instead of what’s not there. The only people who have ever transcended this mentality are my children. That has at times been a blessing, and at other times been a curse.

Just a few days ago I received a return letter from my favorite little dinosaur, and it broke my heart. I can’t stand that she is hurting so much right now, but her letter reminded me of just how we “met.” We met through blogging. Though I’ve never seen Rawra (face to face) she has been an incredible friend to me. She has listened as I vomited all of my problems at her feet. She has offered advice. She has nodded and been understanding. She has helped me to become a better writer, and a better person. She has a unique point of view and I’m better for her having shared it with me.

Rawra is hardly the only friend I’ve met through blogging. Her letter reminded me of that fact and how I’d been neglectful of this community that’s been so supportive of me.

Shame burns.

Rawra’s letter was the catalyst to coming back and my renewed effort to maintain this here weblog. So here I am, and here I (hopefully) stay.

Thank you again, Rawra, for enlightening me.