Yes…Again

You have probably already figured it out if you’ve been paying attention. You might be shaking your head. You might be wondering what the hell I’m thinking. You might be wondering if I’ll ever learn. Or perhaps you’re of a mind that it’s my life, my decision, and I should do whatever makes me happy.

Whatever the case may be I’d like to confirm that, yes, Baby C’s mother and I are seeing each other again.

Whether or not you understand why I’m doing this, I ask that you at the very least support my decision and respect that I’m trying to resurrect a relationship with a woman I love, and the mother of my child.

Perhaps there’s some burning animosity because she’s hurt me. I get that. With time to cool down and the advantage of hindsight, I understand (mostly) why she did the things she did and have forgiven her. She did not intentionally hurt me. She did not go out of her way to commit heinous acts of revenge. She was simply doing what she felt she needed to do for her. For her happiness. I hope you can understand that and that you can look past the things that happened as I have. None of us are perfect. We’ve all hurt someone we love, whether intentionally or otherwise.

You should also know, however, that I’ve hurt her in turn. In neglecting to treat my depression I became an irritable, hateful little shit who became irate at the slightest bit of provocation. I said some pretty damned awful things in those moments and, quite frankly, it’s a wonder Baby C’s mother even wants me in her life at all. Yes, it was a long time ago, but some fires burn longer than others.

The blame for our ups and downs rests squarely on both sets of shoulders. We have done our best to identify our faults and we are working to correct them. We have both done some self-discovery and believe we are now better equipped to handle the adversity we both face due to our mental health issues. We’ve both sought treatment. We continue to seek further treatment. We are both determined to finally make this work. We have been taking things slowly. We have been communicating better. We have been cautious. We have, I think, finally grown

So far, so good.

I know there have been times in your life where you stayed in a relationship others told you to abandon. And you have done so because of the deep amorous connection you had with that person. You have done so because, while your significant other may have his/her faults, the goodness within far outweighs the bad. Those folks who thought you should leave don’t know about all of the good things your significant other does. They don’t know your significant other like you do. Most of you are still with that person. You made it through that fire and your relationship is stronger for it. You look back on those times and see them as the defining moments of your relationship. The turning point. It was sink or swim…and you swam like an Olympic Gold Medalist.

This love, to me, is worth the effort. Once upon a time Baby C’s mother and I had something extremely special, and the fight to reclaim it is a worthy one.

I hope you understand.