If We Were Having Coffee

So, this used to be a thing. I kinda wanted to hang out with you guys, but didn’t know what else to say here so I’m gonna say we’re having coffee, because, well, coffee.

It’s been some time since I’ve had coffee with you all (or y’all to use the local vernacular). When we last saw me ’round these parts I was trippin’ ’cause my kids had just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was feeling pretty down on myself because I hadn’t noticed what had been going on inside their minds.

I’m happy to say that they’ve been on medication for close to two months now and both boys have reported the medicine has helped them cope with their anxieties. Baby B still has some trouble finding motivation, but I’ve discussed with him that no medication is going to give him that. He’ll have to manufacture his own motivation, unfortunately.

If we were having coffee you’d probably comment on my weight loss, which would make me incredibly uncomfortable and I’d sheepishly thank you for noticing. I’ve lost a little over 50lbs in the last few months. I’ve hit a plateau, so I’m taking a little break from my regimen, while still maintaining a somewhat healthy diet. I’ll get back to it soon, as I have a few dozen more pounds I want to lose.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you how uncomfortable it makes me that people keep complimenting me on how good I look or how much weight I’ve lost. People keep referring to me as skinny, or tell me there’ll soon be nothing of me left. I’m sure they all mean well, but it all makes me want to hide. I just want to be me. I don’t want to be noticed for what I do or don’t look like. Although, a little part of me is a bit ecstatic that I can fit into clothing sizes I haven’t fit into since I was in high school…

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that the twins just turned 18 about a month ago, and that I just can’t even. It’s a bit fucked up to know that I’ve been their guardian for their entire lives and now if I want to talk to their doctor the boys will need to sign a release form stating that their PHI can be discussed with me. I mean, they are legally adults. I have no legal say-so over them any more and it’s an odd feeling. It’s like a part of who I am has been stripped away.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I met someone. Despite having a thick wall up this person drilled her way through and nuzzled right up to my heart. It has been a long process as it was an extremely thick wall, but inch by inch she made her way in. She has been extremely understanding and patient with how slowly I want things to go and respectful of how scared I am of putting myself out there again. She has just been amazing.

If we were having coffee I’d admit to you that I’m afraid to tell people that I’m seeing someone, because that makes it real. I’m afraid of it being real, because every real thing I’ve had before has blown up in the most spectacular of ways. I’ve learned, though, that as I’m admitting it most people had surmised as much anyhow, so I was really just hiding it from myself.

If we were having coffee I’d ask how you’re doing, of course, and listen as you told me all the things.

Maybe we’d play a game as we slowly sipped on our brew and talked shit about our moronic president. Maybe we’d watch cat videos on YouTube. Or maybe, just maybe, we’d enjoy each other’s company in silence like a couple of old friends are wont to do.

I hope everyone is doing well and that 2018 doesn’t bring nuclear winter (I wish that were a joke). I hope Santa dropped more than just coal in your stocking and that your children (if applicable) are doing well.

Happy New Year, bitches.

About Twindaddy (361 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

24 Comments on If We Were Having Coffee

  1. If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m happy for all the good things in your life and that I’m happy we are friends even though we have never met face to face. Happy New Year, my friend. xx


  2. and i am happy for all of these positives in your life


  3. If we were having coffee, I would tell you how much I missed you and how happy I am that you and the boys are doing well. We couldn’t talk politics because it would ruin our coffee. So we would both agree that our “leader” is an ass and move on from that subject. Then I would tell you I think of you every damn time something Star Wars is in my face, which is a lot these days. This is when l would move all hot objects out of reach and confess that I have never seen a Star Wars movie in my life and capture the look on your face with my phone. I would make it my screen saver and laugh every time I looked at it. Good Times!
    All the best for a Happy Healthy 2018!


  4. It sounds like, you are the only person who had a good year, or at least mostly. I am glad that the twins gave help and that you have opened up a little. You are a good man and I hope you are good to and for each other.

    Happy New Year!


  5. Thank you for what I call giving me a learn (without knowing it) in this great post. The part where you mention wanting to be seen for you and not what you look like had my initial thought of, “well now you know how women feel.” And as soon as I thought that, I regretted it. Really what you showed me was that all humans have these feelings. It’s not just a woman thing nor is it a man relating to a woman thing. It’s human. This is a learn that after a year of very heightened divisions in all aspects – there is unity. Even if it is with something as how we feel when people comment on our looks.

    *unsolicited advice warning*

    I am super glad you have met someone. I am super glad your wall has started to bend a little, or lower possibly. Being nervous about real is natural after what you’ve gone through. I just ask, don’t let this slip. Hurting sucks in more ways than one, but a missed opportunity for something great is not a regret you’ll want to have.

    Happy New Year, TD! Write more.


    • I think we all worry about our appearance, but concede women are judged more based on appearances. It sucks.

      I’d love to write more but time and motivation elude me. I’ll come back from time to time.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’d love to be having that coffee with you. This post made me smile… so many things I’m happy to read. All my love to you, TD. 😘


  7. If we were having coffee, we would talk and talk and talk and laugh, and I would tell you how pleased I am about all the very very good things going on in your life. And I would congratulate you for the effort you put into losing weight and how it’s better to be healthier, and how yes, we also do sometimes need cookies (or cake (or doughnuts (or sweeties)). Xoxoxoxox


  8. If we were both having coffee, you’d be having to scrape me off the ceiling in about 10 minutes, so is it OK if mine is a tea or a hot chocolate?

    It sounds like many good things have been happening in your life. Long may there be positive things in the life of the TwinDaddy.

    I’m in retreat, so this isn’t a message. Um. It’s something else. It’s definitely a prayer of thanks for all the good stuff you’ve experienced, and a prayer for 2018 to be gentle with all of us.

    Keep on looking after yourself, my friend.


  9. Aside from the shell you want to stay in, I’m glad everything is looking up for you good sir. Keep it up. Now I’m headed back to my shell.


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