It’s time for a story. A very special story. One of those stories where one of your kids says something so incredibly stupid that everyone will laugh at it no matter their race, religion, creed, state of lucidity, or sexual orientation.
Last night I had a couple of guests over to my new place. Specifically, the guests were Revis, his wonderful wife, Baby E, a friend, and her child. We had some pizza and talked while the kids played and generally shook the entire place playing with Nerf guns and whatever the hell else they were doing up there.
At some point during the evening Baby C began playing with his allegedly spill-proof cup. I say allegedly because it is in fact not spill-proof. Not at all. By the time I realized it wasn’t spill-proof he had emptied almost the entire contents of his cup onto himself.
So I took him upstairs and put his pajamas on. When he realized that all the other boys were up there playing he became excited and wanted to play with them. So I left him in the twins’ care so that they could all play together.
A handful of minutes after I came back downstairs I heard one of the twins holler for me.
Baby B: Daaaaaaad!
Baby B: Baby C’s clothes are broken!
Me: Um, what??
Baby B: His clothes are broken.
Me: (to my sister-in-law) Did I just hear him right? His clothes are broken?
Sister-in-law: That’s what I heard.
Me: (to Baby B) Bring him down here please.
Baby B brought Baby C down stairs.
Me: What do you mean, “His clothes are broken?”
Baby B: Well, his zipper is, I mean. See?
I examined Baby C’s zipper and found that it had come open from his knee all the way up to his neck, yet the actual part that zips the zipper was still up. I laid Baby C down and forced the zipper all the way down and then zipped it back up. Worked like a charm. His clothes were no longer broken. I’m like the Bob Vila for clothes or something. Be jealous.
If you have kids, tell me about a time when they said something completely stupid, yet deliriously funny.