Random Thoughts: 9/4/2014

Once upon a time I had a regular feature entitled Random Thoughts. The premise of these posts was for me to peruse the news and link to any articles which caught my fancy and elicited some sort of opinion or retort from me. I haven’t published a Random Thoughts post in over two years. Quite frankly, I forgot about the feature until I took my blog offline recently and made the transition from the old blog to this one and was sweeping through it to clean up any references to my old domain. I think it’s about time to resurrect this feature because it gives me a chance to be snarky and sarcastic, two things I enjoy a bit too much. So, without further ado, I bequeath upon thee unsolicited thoughts on what’s making the news!

  • Evidently being famous and attending the US Open is newsworthy. My Imperial mind still cannot grasp the logic behind celebrity culture. Can someone please explain to me why we need every detail about celebrities’ lives?

    Who cares???

  • Some dude named Adam Rogers decided to write a book about the science of booze, and included a handy chapter on hangovers at the end. “Is there a cure for hangovers?” you drunks are surely wondering. (I WAS wondering that! And don’t call me Shirley.) Well, yes. Rogers claims that if you drink less you’ll reduce the likelihood of a hangover. 
  • New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was recently asked when he’ll retire. His response?

    “When I suck, I’ll retire,” Brady said, via the Boston Globe. “But I don’t plan on sucking for a long time.”

    Ha ha ha. That is awesome. I would totally say the same thing. Unreasonable minds would argue that Brady already sucks, but his stats definitely tell a different narrative.

    New England Patriots at Washington Redskins 08...

    Hey! That guy over there said I suck. Hurt him. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Ashley Simpson got marred. Why the fuck is this news? Anyone? Buehler?
  • A 9-year-old recently shot (and killed) her gun instructor accidentally while being taught how to wield an Uzi. Why the FUCK does a 9-year-old need to know how tousean Uzi??

    I'm so confused.

    Ummm….

  • So California is in the midst of a pretty horrific drought right now. Residents have been advised to conserve water or face stiff financial penalties for failure to do so. This means there are a lot of brown lawns. Enter Drew McClellan, who (for $300) will come and spray paint your lawn a luscious green with (allegedly) eco-friendly paint. I’ve owned a couple of homes in my day, and to be honest I could care less whether or not my grass is green as long as it’s been mowed. Does a healthy green lawn look better than yard full of anorexic-looking grass? Of course, but why do we put so much stock and effort into having green lawns? There are so many more important things to focus on than spreading Scott’s lawn seed across our yards. Like spending time with our children and teaching them not to worship celebrities.
  • Breaking news! Princess Diana’s makeup artist has revealed her beauty secrets! This is important stuff, ladies! Remember, you don’t matter unless you’re beautiful. Sigh…
  • Denver Broncos wide-receiver Wes Welker has been suspended four games for testing positive for amphetamines. He denies it, of course (insert eye roll here), and even goes as far as suggesting someone spiked his drink with the banned substance. Sure, Wes. No doubt some nefarious criminals are out to spike your drinks with amphetamines. I bet I’m the victim of a similar and equally outrageous plot! The reason I’m fat HAS to be because someone has mischievously been spiking my plates with unhealthy food all these years.
  • Kim Kardashian did…something. I don’t know. I don’t even care. I didn’t read it because I don’t give a shit. I’m just wondering how the fuck she became famous and why anyone cares what she does. So she made a sex tape. Big deal. Millions of people have made sex tapes. There’s an entire industry devoted to making sex tapes. It’s called pornography. No porn star gets the Entertainment Tonight treatment like KK does, and any porn star has made more than one sex tape. Any porn star has done it better, too. Or so I hear. Look, I really wouldn’t know. I don’t watch porn. C’mon!
  • A 16-year-old gender nonconformist (whatever that is) is suing the South Carolina DMV because they made him remove the makeup he regularly wears before taking his driver’s license photo. The DMV states that a rule forbids altering your appearance so that misleading photographs aren’t taken. My question is this: Do they enforce this rule on everyone or just men? If this rule isn’t enforced on women who wear excessive make up, then this young man has a case. If it is, then this kid is wasting our time.

Aaaaaaaaand that’s all I can take of current events for right now. I just remembered why I don’t regularly check the news. The stupidity found therein always pisses me off.

Audience Participation Time!

Are there any recent events you’d like to sound off on?

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About Twindaddy (336 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

65 Comments on Random Thoughts: 9/4/2014

  1. 1. We don’t. I don’t get it either.
    2. Sit back and ponder on the fact that THAT got published. Excuse me while I crawl into my writer hole and cry.
    3. That was an epic response and I don’t even watch the football.
    4. Who is Ashley Simpson? Is it important? Does this relate to No 1?
    5. Shhh…there’s no gun issues in this country. If I were a seer, I’d see yellow fields and snakes in your future…along with crappy arguments and 3rd grade spelling capabilities. (Low blow?)
    6. Sorry, but that’s kind of genius. I mean, if people will pay for it…why not?!
    7. -facedesk-
    8. I’m more upset that he has been suspended longer than some of the players who, you know, beat the shit out of their wives.
    9. I can happily say I have never read, watched, or purchased any Kardashian crap. It’s a life-long goal.
    10. Well shit, my picture has different color hair in every one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yea, I don’t get the obsession with Kim Kardashian either. It’s just as dumb as “Big Brother” (yea we still have Big brother here).

    Oh! What about Paris Hilton! She made a sex tape…. but I guess that is old news and seriously why should anyone really care!

    And just so by the way….. I matter! And I’m beautiful! …. Yea I got the sarcasm. People should start seeing what is beautiful about other people and themselves, because there is beauty in all of us. (Okay most of us – since you know some people are psychopaths)

    Like

    • The difference between society’s view of what is beautiful and actual beauty is a gaping chasm which puts the Grand Canyon to shame. People look outward for beauty instead of inward. It’s really quite fucked up.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. OMG the 9 year old and the Uzi bullshit steams me so much. i haven’t clicked on one link regarding that story b/c i just can’t but seriously, WTF? WTF!!

    Like

  4. I like the snark. I couldn’t agree more with your summation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved this- thanks for the laughs.

    Like

  6. Spray painting one’s lawn is the sign of a devious mind and criminal intent. Richard Nixon ordered the lawns of Camp David spray painted green (when it was brown) and white when he wanted it to be snowy, which proves my theory.

    It’s not often I get to use this particularly useless factoid. Thanks for giving me the opportunity, TD!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. All of this confuses me as well. Sometimes I fear humanity is doomed.

    Like

  8. This is great absolutely great. Hahaha!

    Like

  9. I’ll look at one of those celebrity rags if they’re lying in the break room (even though I have no idea who the supposed celebrities featured in it are), but I’d never pay for one… and I don’t know who does, why they do, or even how that whole celebrity gossip business even stays afloat.

    And I say fuck green lawns. The one benefit of the drought we had two summers ago was that I only had to cut the grass once between June and September. Right now, it’s almost a foot high out back because it’s constantly too wet to cut because of all the rain. I’ll take a yellow and lifeless lawn any day…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Between the child with the uzi and the second beheading in as many weeks, I’m ready to check into flights to Mars. Surely things can’t be as fucked up over there.

    Like

  11. I like this segment. I don’t have to watch the news, I still know what’s going on in the world, and I get a laugh. Yes. Stephanie Approves.

    Like

  12. So glad to see your snarky side again, TD. You saved me many wasted hours seeking “news” on other outlets. No, I didn’t click any of the links – the summary is plenty of crap for one day 🙂

    Like

  13. I knew none of this. Guess I should consider myself enlightened, but somehow I feel sullied more than anything else!

    Like

  14. Nutty place, this world. On the subject of lawns: the point isn’t the green. The point is the comfort for bare feet. Who cares if it’s (painted) green if it hurts like heck when you run on it without shoes?

    Like

  15. I haven’t had a hangover since 1997 so yes, dude has a point but really? Why is it we live in a world where this needs to be published in a book is beyond my comprehension. I’m sure every writer struggling to get published is ready to kick his ass.

    I’m a Peyton Manning fan, ergo not a Brady fan but I will give the devil his due and say he doesn’t suck.

    The story about the 9 year old with the Uzi makes my stomach turn and my heart hurt. That was senseless and that poor child has to live with that her entire life. Can you imagine?

    As for KK? I wish that entire family would just go away.

    Like

    • I have no idea how a book about the “science of alcohol” get’s published. I think I’ve drank enough of it to know what I need to know about it.

      Manning is good, but seems to choke in big games.

      The 9yo and the Uzi is just sickening. I hope that little girl is in therapy already.

      KK and her horde need to vanish. I don’t care where to.

      Like

  16. When it comes to news, ignorance truly is bliss. I’m glad you rebooted this feature, only for your snark and sarc.

    Like

  17. Well, so much to take in all at once. Nearly impossible to do it; I resist with all my being listening to, reading about or indulging in the current events which transfix so many of us for no good reasons. My husband helps shield me from as much as he can but Je-zus it’s every fucking where and in your face so hard….

    Like

    • It is everywhere. And it’s hard to ignore. Even if you don’t go looking for it you still find it in your Facebook or Twitter feeds. It’s haunting.

      Like

  18. Kristi Campbell - findingninee // September 5, 2014 at 11:29 am // Reply

    HAHA stupid celebrity gossip crap. And that makeup tip thing from Princess Di? Who cares? Who cares about any of it? Tom Brady IS hot though… funny post.

    Like

  19. I rarely read celebrity gossip because those bitches and hos don’t read about me and damn! I am so much more interesting than they could even dream of being. I do things, I have a purpose. I have a blog, gotdamnit! So glad you revived Random Thoughts. And…Tom Brady does already suck so he should quit the game. His stats would go down by HALF if he didn’t have the best front line in the history of the NFL. A rookie QB could run up the numbers like Brady does given the same coverage.

    Like

  20. I am grateful for this, thank you. You have made sense of the world for me. As for KK, I think it is her ‘perfect’ ass or so I have been told.

    Like

    • Meh. You could be the most beautiful woman on the planet, but when you’re that dumb it’s still gonna turn me off. Go away, KK. Take your clan with you.

      Like

  21. OK, some of that stuff is shit scary.

    Maybe if the lad suing the DMV or whatever it is had followed the tips of Diana’s makeup artist he wouldn’t have that problem? Although, I have to say, if he wants to look like a girl, he should be allowed to look like a girl. In fact, if he’s going to spend all his time wearing makeup and “girlie” jewelry, then his ID should reflect that, otherwise when he goes out in full slap*, they’re going to think he nicked his brother’s ID.

    * A technical slang term for makeup. Other terms I may have used are “war paint” and “polyfilla”.

    Like

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