6 Things That Should Be Possible

~ Twindaddy

Someone once asked me what impossible things I believe in. There’s not much I believe in, to be honest. I believe in the healing power of laughter. I believe one person can make a difference. I believe Pumpkin Spiced Lattes are the single greatest beverage on this planet.

Impossible, by its very definition, is something that cannot happen. No seriously, it is. I even went and looked it up. Need further proof? I shall provide it. Here, straight from dictionary.com, is the definition of impossible:

im·pos·si·ble

adjective

1.not possible; unable to be, exist, happen, etc.

2.unable to be done, performed, effected, etc.: an impossible assignment.

3.incapable of being true, as a rumor.

4.not to be done, endured, etc., with any degree of reason or propriety: an impossible situation.

5.utterly impracticable: an impossible plan.

So, having established that impossible things are, well, impossible, I have to say that it would be useless for me to believe in them.  Why put my faith in something I know can never happen?  Sure, I could believe that I can fly, but it’ll never happen so why should I?  Why should I do that to myself? That seems like a sure-fire way to live in perpetual disappointment.

Just for fun, though, I decided to think of a few things that are impossible which I wish were possible. Letting the old imagination off its imaginary leash is always good for the imaginary brain, amiright? That’s the greatest thing about writing. The only limits are those of our imaginations.

So, without further ado, I present to you my list of 6 impossible things which should totally be possible.

  1. A way to control metabolism.  Like with a knob or something. It kills me when someone who is paper-thin eats way more than me and doesn’t gain an effin’ pound. What the hell is the deal with that? I want to be able to crank it up for a while and burn off all those calories at will.
  2. Eternal life.  I love being alive. I enjoy breathing very much. I don’t want to go anywhere.  I have no interest in that never-ending slumber.
  3. The elimination of stupidity. Seriously. I’m an impatient person and that’s something I’m really, really trying to remedy, but my patience goes on strike in the face of blatant stupidity. My sarcasm asserts itself and my mood nose-dives like a kamikaze pilot. Depending on the severity of the stupidity, I might even get angry about it. It’s a waste of time and energy to get upset about it because, as Ron White so eloquently said, you can’t fix stupid. And that’s unfortunate.

    English: Comedian, Ron White
    They call me…Tater Salad. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
  4. Beam me up, Scottie.  I want the ability to teleport. I’ve met so many incredible people on WordPress who I’d like to meet in person but I don’t have the time or resources to do so. If Scottie could just beam me around so I could visit them that would be great. I’d also do that thing from Jumper and beam myself into a bank vault. Hey! I guy’s gotta eat.
  5. I want to visit that galaxy far, far away.  Seriously, how effin’ cool would that be? I want to see the Mos Eisley cantina. I want to visit Alderaan before it gets blown to bits. I want to use the Force.  I want to see Coruscant. A planet-wide city would be quite a sight to behold. I want to personally see Leia in that golden bikini.
  6. TV without commercials.  Commercials annoy the shit out of me. There’s nothing worse than getting into a good show or movie only to have it interrupted by 2 continuous minutes of sheer idiocy. What makes it worse is how horrible commercials are. I guess this kind of goes with number 3, but commercials are unbelievably stupid. The ones that try to be funny fail miserably and end up aggravating me. I sit there and wonder what idiot thought it would be a good idea to not only pay to make this commercial, but also pay for the air-time needed to show it to a mass audience. Fail. Just fail.
audience_participation_time
Well, that’s the way things should be. And so we’ve come to that very special part of the post where I involve you, dearest reader. That’s right, it’s AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION TIME! What impossible thing(s) do you wish were possible?

 

Published by Twindaddy

Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

63 thoughts on “6 Things That Should Be Possible”

  1. On the other hand, If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?

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  2. I like number 4 a lot ! I have a solution for #6. Just eliminate cable. Although that can seem like an impossible task because they make it so horrible. Just did it this weekend. I would add eliminate disease. Maybe that will be possible in the future, faraway future.

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  4. hmmm….. okay your definition of impossible … some things arn’t impossible even if they seem impossible…. but let me not give you blond logic…

    As for the metabolism thing… you know when I read this, I thought TD there is a type of coffee that you can drink that increases metabolism… Verimark sells it here. It’s one of them infomercial companies. Infomercial? I guess you don’t like them either but you could google to see if you get that coffee there also…

    As for teleportation, that has been like a life long dream, just pop over to my sisters place have diner chat, and when I’m tired pop back into my own comfy bead… life would just be awesome right? Just imagine you could work and live anywhere in two completely different parts of the world.

    And o boy I’d also like to see the galaxy far far away, which I gues that is why my book is … well you know… 🙂

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  5. The teleportation thing would be AMAZING and it would definitely make my list. And the metabolism one. You thought of some good ones 🙂 I think I’d also like to have a bonnet/handlebar-mounted asshole laser to get my revenge on the paintwork of badly driven cars. And I’d LOVE to be able to turn invisible and prank people.

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  6. Great choices! Netflix was invented to avoid commercials. Of course, I’m a year behind on my TV watching, but no commercials 🙂 A teleporter would be a wonderful thing to have. Oh, the places I’d go!

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    1. I’m just getting back into Netflix. So far I’ve watched some movies I’ve missed and the entire series of 30 Rock. Plus, all the kids shows C loves are there.

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          3. I don’t do football. Or spectator sports of any kind on TV. I know. Take my American card away. I don’t eat apple pie, either. Hmmmm…where the hell am I from, anyway?

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  7. These are great… If I wasn’t sick I’m sure I could use my brain to try to think of more…oh yeah, how about no illness? Eliminate the cold virus or flu or whatever the heck I have that has wiped me out for a week.

    xo

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    1. Teleportation (of inanimate objects) can already be done, I think. I don’t know if they’ll be able to transport a living being. Not without killing it, anyhow.

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  11. the only thing impossible I can think of that I wish were possible is to keep my mind and trade in the body. I’ve been given a real lemon and find my brain & possibly my ears to be the only parts of me worth keeping around. If I could exist without a body, that’s a challenging idea to me. Hmmmm, not in this lifetime I think.

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  12. I’m with you on most of this, but as a largely stupid person I feel like I cannot fistbump in solidarity. I try not to be part of the problem at least 😉
    I would fight in a war against commercials, with guns, tanks or my bare-ass knuckles. I did a whole two-part rant on our cable company, as you know, and my never-ending battle over commercials. Netflix is the only way. It’s the ONLY WAY, MAN!
    Every single thing ever is impossible, until someone does it.

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    1. I’m sure the commercials (or are they adverts there?) there are just as stupid as they are here. This is the only time of year I have to deal with commercials, since I watch football on TV. It’s bad because of the time of year. Every commercial has Santa in it. It’s ridiculous.

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  17. #1 + the ability to pacify the need to pee when you’re in bed and have 0% desire to get out of bed. Not sure that the metabolism is responsible for that one (99.9% sure it’s not). But whatever it is (bladder, I’m looking at you), I wanna control it. With my mind. Or a remote control. Either one is fine.

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  20. No. 6 does exist here in the UK. It’s called the BBC. There are adverts, but only for other programmes created by the BBC, and they only happen at the end of the programme being shown. However, one does have to pay a licence fee for the tellybox, and it’s that fee which funds the Beeb. They do get money by selling off older programmes to other networks as well, which means things that were never meant to have advert breaks (such as Top Gear) end up being repeated but in an edited format so that a 1-hour show can be shown in a 1-hour slot along with about 15 minutes of adverts.

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      1. There are strict rules that the BBC have to follow though. They’re supposed to be impartial with news reporting and not favour one political party over another, for example. The only thing they do advertise are their other programmes, and that’s only between programmes. Even in shows such as Top Gear, they cannot promote one political party over another, and so have to make it clear that it’s the personal views of the presenters.

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          1. The Beeb probably has some sort of agenda, but it’s not very obvious. There have been times when they’ve not reported a major occurrence on their news slots, but they’re usually pretty good.

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