‘Twas the Day Before Christmas

Twas the day before Christmas, and all through Mos Eisley

Copious creatures were stirring, very unwisely

The cantina was full, its patrons unaware,

That St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The aliens were drunk, all liquored and unstable,

And inebriated Jawas danced on a table.

A Bith fell to the floor, hit it with a slap,

He had just passed out for a long drunken nap.

Then out on the street there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my post to see what was the matter.

Away to the thoroughfare I flew like a flash,

Tore through the door and made a mad dash.

The twin suns on the breast of the barren Dune Sea

Illuminated the sand-covered skyline of the city.

When, what to my mask-covered eyes should I track,

But a bulging sleigh, and eight sweaty dewback.

With a leviathan driver, so pudgy and thick,

I thought for a moment it might be St. Nick.

More sluggish than womp rats his beasts they came,

He coughed, farted, and shouted, then called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! on Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of this hut! be careful don’t fall!

If you drop me again I will murder you all!”

Like granules of sand that during the windstorm fly,

They rose from the ground and ran towards the sky.

So up to the hut-top these beasts they flew,

With the sleigh full of contraband, and “St. Nicholas” too.

My eyes were squinting, but I saw on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

I ran toward the hut, and kicked down the door

Then down the chimney “St. Nicholas” came with C-4.

He was dressed in red velvet, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all sweat-soaked and covered with soot.

A bundle of explosives he had flung on his back,

He looked like a mad scientist, opening his pack.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his plumber’s crack, how scary!

His huge drooling mouth glistened and glowed,

And the beard on his chin was white, like it had just snowed.

A grungy old pipe he held tight by his cheek,

And circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in a week.

He had a hideous face and an elephantine belly,

That jiggled when he moved, like a sack full of jelly!

He was a horrid mess, and had rancid gas,

I laughed when I saw him, though he smelled like an ass!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon had me feeling an overbearing dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And lit all the explosives, then turned with a jerk.

And plunging a finger deep inside his nose,

He gave a nod, and up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, while I drew my blaster,

And away they all flew, but my aim was faster.

But I heard him exclaim, as he fell from the sky,

“We’re going down, we’re all gonna die!”


I decided to come out of hiding for two reasons. One, I really like this poem and this is the only day of the year it makes sense to post it. The second is to wish you all (for those who celebrate) a Merry Christmas. Even if you don’t celebrate, I hope you all have a wonderful day filled with family, memories, laughter, and love.

I’m not sure when I’ll return, so I’ll go ahead and wish you all a happy New Year while I’m at it. Thank you all for following and supporting me. You are all amazing (except for you – you know who you are). Love you all.

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About Twindaddy (328 Articles)
Sometimes funny. Sometimes serious. Always genuine.

38 Comments on ‘Twas the Day Before Christmas

  1. God, I hope it’s not ME. Everytime I read this anywhere, it makes me shudder.

    Good to see you posting something TD. I hope the rest of your year doesn’t suck.

    Like

  2. Sorry ;(. Hope yours is merry and that Santa gives you a winning lottery ticket. Second prize, though, cause I get first.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ya big nut. Merry Christmas!

    Like

  4. Hahahahaha, brilliant! I hope it’s not me either… :/

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This doesn’t resolve who shot first.

    Like

  6. Merry christmas to you and yours, TD.

    Here’s a link to the entire Star Wars christmas album. Enjoy.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Likewise and I hope it isn’t me. Hope you and your kiddos have a great December 25. Someday I will read this to my nieces and nephews.

    Like

  8. BWahahahahah BTFFL you WIN THE INTERNET for this – I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I giggled all the way through. You ROCK. Thank you for the laughter, for the poetry, for the honesty you’ve shared here, and for your friendship, most of all 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Merry Christmas, brother. Waaarrior….come out to play-yay.

    Like

  10. Merry Christmas, TD!

    Like

  11. Merry Christmas, Scott and all the best for the New Year. And I didn’t do anything. I know it wasn’t me. See, got us all paranoid now. 🙂

    Like

  12. 😀 I really must say this one is truly worth coming out of hiding for… hope you had an awesome Christmas!

    Like

  13. That is fun twist to the traditional poem 🙂 I’ve been out of it for so long, I didn’t know you went into hiding for a while. I’ll be keeping an eye out to see when you return. Happy New Year!

    Like

  14. Merry Christmas! (Yes, it is still Christmas. Christmas lasts for 12 days. Then we get Epiphany for a week, and then it’s Christmastide until 2nd February.)

    Like

  15. Sorry for being gone so long, ol’ friend. I hope you and yours had a pleasant holiday season. Let’s hope 2015 is a better year!

    Liked by 1 person

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