newcoffeeIf we were having coffee I’d take my steaming hot cup o’ joe and apply a liberal dose of Bailey’s. It’s been that kind of week.

If we were having coffee I’d inform you that I’ve been overwhelmingly busy at work. Normally I wouldn’t mind having so full a plate, but my coworker makes things exceedingly difficult. My coworker thrives on drama. When she walks in the office she flaunts all of her personal drama. We all have problems, but when I’m trying to work I don’t want to hear about them. There’s a time and a place for that. She’s also an extremely negative person. She bitches about everything. She’s short with people. She’s rude. I could go on, but I think that’s enough. I’m honestly at the end of my rope. It’s to the point that I actively search for reasons not to go to our office.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that the kids went back to school this past Wednesday. As Baby C is 5 years old, that means he started Kindergarten. When telling anyone in the preceding weeks that my wee baby would be starting Kindergarten I got all manner of awwwwww’s, but I didn’t think much of it. Afterall, I’ve sent three other children off to their first day of Kindergarten. However, as I waited by the front door of C’s school while his mom carried him across the parking lot during a monsoon-like downpour, his smile so wide it nearly split his lips, I choked up a little. He was sooooo happy to be there and these past three days his most asked question has been when he’ll be going back. He loves it so far and I hope his enthusiasm never wanes.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that the twins worked with me this past summer helping me repair laptops, prep iPads, and do all other sorts of IT related stuff that we do while the students are out for the summer. They did an amazing job for the most part, even though sometimes their knack for arguing over petty stuff sometimes drove me nuts. Hence the Bailey’s.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that the transmission went out in my car a few weeks ago, forcing me to trade it in for a new vehicle and pick up a car payment, which, in turn, forced me to pick up a second job. I start that second job this Tuesday, so it’ll probably be a long time before we’re able to have coffee again. Irish or otherwise.

If we were having coffee I’d inform you that, tired of feeling like a zombie and being chained to multiple bottles of pills, I stopped taking my medication a couple of months ago. I’ve noticed that my well of patience is much more shallow, but overall I’m doing okay. I don’t like how easily irritated I sometimes become, but better that than feeling dependant on medication that perpetually left me with zero fucks to give about almost anything while completely draining me of all motivation.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that my former mother-in-law (C’s grannie) had a brain aneurism a couple of months ago. Fortunately, the amazing staff at UC Hospital was able to save her. Unfortunately, she suffered untold damage to her brain. When I first visited her she was very aware of what happened. She was lucid and we were able to have a normal conversation. When I visited her yesterday, however, her grip on reality wasn’t firm at all. I’m hoping this is a temporary setback. It was extremely difficult to hear some of the things she was saying, which made absolutely no sense at all. I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded along and laughed at the appropriate times. What makes it even harder is that C seems to be a little afraid of her and didn’t really want to be there. I understand he doesn’t know what’s going on, but that doesn’t make it any easier to witness.

If we were having coffee I’d admit that I’ve finally run out of things to say and apologize for having gone on for far too long. Then I’d ask how you’re doing and listen to you talk about all the things, all the while feeling guilty for having blabbered about myself for so long. I’d get a second, and more than likely third, cup of Irish coffee, because, you know, you can’t just have one. And as the Bailey’s took hold we’d have all sorts of laughs and I’d probably get a little loud and a lot silly, because that’s what I do when I get my buzz on.

Finally, if we were having coffee I’d apologize for not being around. Like, at all. In order to preserve what little of my sanity I have left I’ve distanced myself from pretty much everyone, because my psyche can’t handle the drama that often-times comes with any kind of relationship. I’ve even gone as far as deleting all my social media accounts. I’d love to be a supportive friend, but I can barely handle my own problems, let alone support others as they handle theirs. As much as I like to think I’m strong and can handle whatever bullshit life hurls my way, these past few years have taught me quite the opposite. Maybe one day I’ll feel like I can handle having a social life again, but for right now all I feel like dealing with is my children and trying to raise them to the best of my ability.

It was nice seeing you and sharing a drink (or three). I hope to see you again soon, my friend. Time permitting.