Every October 31st millions of us dress up in costumes, make-up, or masks and pretend to be someone or something else. Most of us think it’s fun to pretend to be something other than what we are. What are we saying about ourselves, I wonder, when we think it’s fun to not be ourselves?
The fact is, Halloween is a superfluous holiday. All of us wear masks every day. All of us pretend to be someone we’re not every day. All of us have parts of us we wish to hide.
I’m just as guilty of this as anyone. There are parts of me I don’t share with anyone. There are things I’ve done I want no one to discover. There are feelings and thoughts I have of which I’m ashamed. I try to be as true to myself as possible on a daily basis, but there are still parts of me I keep tucked away.
I don’t like Halloween. I don’t like dressing up. In a society where most of us are already uncomfortable with truly being ourselves, I can’t stand a holiday that encourages us to be something we’re not.
Very recently someone I’ve known for almost a decade lied to me. Repeatedly. I don’t know if this person’s motivations were to spare my feelings or if this person knew they had done something morally questionable, but the fact remains that this person shielded the truth with a mask I know all too well after all this time.
And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of this game we all play with each other. I’m tired of deception. I’m tired of us pretending like none of us sin. I’m tired of us all wearing masks and costumes and being ashamed of who we are. Not a one of us is perfect. All of us have lapses in judgement. All of us make selfish decisions which hurt others. What makes it worse is not acknowledging those times and attempting to hide them behind cloaks of lies.
For years here beneath each post it has said “Always genuine.” I have always been truthful with what I’ve written here but I’ve not always told the entire story. There are feelings I’ve had which I’ve omitted because I’m too ashamed to admit I’ve had them. I’m guilty of shielding certain parts of myself, too, but at least I can say that I don’t make shit up to cover up the parts of me I don’t like.
I’m done with Halloween. And I’m done with people who continue to dress up for Halloween every day of the year. If we can’t respect a person enough to tell them the truth then we don’t respect them at all.
Mental Defecation 
(hugs)
Fear of rejection is a huge motivator for many things, even if this is totally irrational. Being untruthful is hurtful, but healing may take place if finding the motivation behind the lie was not intended to cause the pain it did.
As for masks, it is something we all do hide behind – some more than others. We don’t celebrate Halloween the way Americans do. To me it sounds like a lot of fun, merely because I’ve never actually experienced something like that.
(Hugs) you know where to find me if you need to talk.
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I don’t care for Halloween in the slightest.
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I dunno. I’m not nuttso about Halloween, but there is a certain release to it. It’s not an accident Halloween is basically laughing at fear and death, the two things that loom over us every day of our lives. For one day you get to give it the finger. I guess you could say the same about wearing our everyday masks. Halloween is a kind of admission of that, an acknowledgment that our masks control us like our fears.
I’m all for everyday masks; most of the time they protect us from ourselves. But masks to deceive others is another matter altogether.
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“But masks to deceive others is another matter altogether.”
That’s it precisely.
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That really fucking sucks that it happened again. I love Halloween. It is the one day that I feel I can truly be myself. I’ve exposed more of me to you than probably most anyone but Revis and DJ. That is hard as fuck. You know where i am if you need me.
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I think often the person we hide ourselves most from is ourselves. That’s who we lie to most often, too.
Full disclosure here — my stories are 98% true, but sometimes I do tweak the narrative. Filling in details or scrunching stuff so that it can be kept to the length of a blog post.
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I think it depends on the person. Some people hide entirely from themselves. Others hide entirely from others.
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Sorry that happened. I appreciate authenticity or being genuine. I believe in honesty. I also believe in forgiveness, including myself, so the shame of the past is put to rest.
I hate Halloween now, but I did love it as a kid.
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I feel shame entirely too often.
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That’s sad. I lived like that for years. It sucks. Self-compassion.
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I don’t know how, honestly.
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First, lying to a friend is a shitty shitty thing and I can imagine that you feel not only angry but utterly betrayed and violated and like WTF. With that said, I absolutely LOVE Halloween. I love the spooky decorations (we have lights and pumpkins and mums and creepy spiderwebs and a giant spider and ghosts and I just love that part of it – maybe because my 6yo is so into it… but probably not just as I loved it before I was a parent as well). Maybe it’s the silliness of it – just celebrate and eat candy and stuff? I don’t know. But I do get what you’re saying… I don’t want you, or me, or our children, or anybody ever to be ashamed of who they are and people who pretend to be other people all the time just fucking suck.
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Indeed. Fake people are the suck.
And yes, lying to a friend or purposely doing something you know will hurt them is the suckiest bunch of suck.
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Halloween’s just not a big thing here. I pissed off a kid today by saying I wasn’t going to be dressing up, and I guess maybe it’s turning into a bigger thing here, but I’m not rolling with it. Maybe I would if I had a reason. But I don’t. So I take the night off and hope not to wake up with the car wrapped in clingfilm.
Being lied to systematically by a friend is UTTERLY shit.
But there’s a difference, I think, between not lying, and not owing anyone your whole truth.
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There’s a big difference between participating in the fun of Halloween–which IS fun, if you choose to let it be–and willful, hurtful deception. I think we could all do with a little bit more silly revelry in our day to day lives. Last year I wore a fez and a sport coat–voila, Shriner at a convention. Fun. As for the person who done you wrong: people do that, from time to time–don’t chew on it. Either forgive and fix it, or forget and move on. The deception hurt you, and your friend should be ashamed of her/himself, but people fuck up–letting it corrode you with resentment after the fact, that’s on you. As for masks in general–I like to think of what I believe you’re describing as hats, not masks, some of which afford me access to sub-communities I might not otherwise be able to explore and enjoy. I’m a different guy shooting the breeze with the guy who repairs my power tools than I am having coffee with one of my many university professor friends.
To the people at the center of my life–those with whom I have more than a passing acquaintance, I’m pretty much myself all the time–I’ve had 49 years to figure it out and get to the point where I just don’t care if people don’t like me. I understand I’m an acquired taste, and if a person doesn’t like that taste, it’s their loss.
And yet, there are different facets–my blog is the loudest, most loutish expression of unfiltered me, but I’m more reserved in, for example, my role as an appointed public official in my community, or as a businessman. One mask I do resent is the one that hides my atheism–I like to think of it more as a jaunty eye patch than a full-blown mask–or maybe the speak no evil monkey with his mouth covered–but to take it off would be mean dealing with a whole level of resentment and distrust (most Christians regard the mere existence of non-believers as a personal affront) and an annoying tide of wishful attempts at conversion. Easier to keep my mouth shut and defer–but it pointedly asked, I won’t lie.
Sorry this got so long, but thanks for the inspiration.
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Wow. I think this is longer than my post. Yes, I behave differently at work than I do at home, but that’s not exactly what I was getting at. I was referring mostly to personal relationships and being myself. Obviously, in order to keep my job there are certain things I cannot do, but outside of that why pretend to be something you’re not?
As for the fuck-up, I’m extremely angry with that person right now. Maybe that’s on me, maybe it’s not. I don’t know how to turn anger off. I only know that it fades with time.
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I hate Halloween….always did. Although I did enjoy the endless array of candy.
As for the deception, one thing I learned the hard way, on more than one occasion, is that people rarely live up to the level of goodness that I see in them, and for that reason I often get hurt. You can be angry or hurt that’s fine, but don’t give up hope on someone for what might have been nothing more than an asshole moment.
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If it were only one moment I’d probably be okay, but it’s not the first time. I’m mad at that person for doing it again. I’m mad at myself for thinking things would be any different than they were before. I’m just mad at everyone…sigh.
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I love Halloween. Not the costumes and dress up. I love the official change of season, the official close of one thing and welcome of the next. The acknowledgment of the veil, that those who are gone from this world are nearby for that one brief day in the year. But then I suspect some of this is my very different belief system from the majority.
I am sorry your friend lied to you. This is always a hard thing, it is my hope they did it to save your feelings. Though this is still not a good excuse, it is at least understandable.
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I love the change in season. Fall and winter is my favorite time of year. I just don’t care for the day itself. I know I’m in the minority.
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The good thing about Halloween is discounts and giveaways at comic book shops.
On a different note, one of the things I’ve noticed is that those dressing up as “something else” were usually shedding the masks (the ones that had to do with social “norms”) they usually wore. In my religion, the whole point of dressing up is the opportunity to reveal a facet of yourself that you’ve hidden behind a mask. So, really, dressing up is a way of forcing people to ignore the outer layer.
In practice, as I’ve mentioned, it makes most people abandon the social masks that prohibit them from doing certain things rather than reveal something that could be classified as “self”. Every year, our school would send all the “sexy ***” girls, who usually were those who don’t walk around half naked, home. The girls would do it because they believed they would be absolved of anything they did while in costume.
But, all the geeks came out of the woodwork, so despite feeling a need to find a costume, it made life much easier in the long run.
I’m sorry you were deceived by someone who was/is close to you. That sucks.
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