Interview With a Trooper – Episode VI – Return of the Sarcasm

It’s that time again!

No, no. Not time for the Wheel of Morality.

It’s time for another interview with me, your favorite trooper!

Oh, shut up…

1. In what area of your life are you immature? I think the more appropriate question is, “In what part of my life am I NOT immature?”
2. Is anyone in your family in the army? My step-sister’s husband. So, I guess that makes him my step-brother-in-law? Is that a thing? Anyhow, he does that army thing.
3. Is the glass half empty or half full? Depends on what was in it. If it was coffee then it’s completely empty and I need a refill. If it was chocolate milk then the same. If it was….eh, who’m I kidding? I drank it all no matter what it is. Get me a refill.
4. Is there any item you collect? I used to collect Star Wars stuff, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten less passionate about it. I still have the collection, but I’ve not added to it in quite some time. I also collect gray hairs, but that’s quite a reluctant collection…
5. Is your father bald? He has a small spot on the back of his head where hair has vacated the premises.
6. Last time you swam in a pool? Labor Day at my dad’s house. Good times.
7. Most ridiculous thing you’ve had to visit the hospital for? I can’t think of any visits that were ridiculous. Any time I’ve been to a hospital it’s been for a serious injury, illness, or the birth of a child. You know, the good stuff.
8. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your fashion sense? Uh, 5?
9. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your driving skills? Uh, 9?
10. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your cooking skills? Look, the last time I stepped on a scale the number was a bit higher than 10…
11. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, how good a kisser are you? You know, I’ve never kissed myself. I have no clue.
12. One thing you know now that you wish you had known as a kid? Adulthood is a trap.
    
13. Pick one, a comedy movie or a horror movie? Comedy. I’d rather laugh than piss my pants. Or, if I piss my pants, I want it to be because I’m laughing and not screaming.
14. Pick one, cats or dogs? Dogs. Cats are no fun. And they normally have shitty attitudes.
15. Pick one, chatting or phone call? Doesn’t one of these entail the other?
16. Pick one, cheat or be cheated on? How about neither?
17. Pick one, chicken or beef?  How about both?
18. Pick one, Coke or Pepsi? Coke. Pepsi tastes like Coke that someone spilled sewage in…
19. Pick one, exceptional strength or intelligence Intelligence, for sure.
20. Pick one, forgiveness or vengeance? Ugh. Neither, really. But if I must choose, forgiveness.
21. Pick one, free health care or free education? Ideally, both. But in this insipid scenario I’d pick free education to become a doctor and give myself free health care.
22. Pick one, Halloween or Valentine’s Day I’m not a fan of either, but Valentine’s Day is the most ludicrous holiday there is. Well, except for President’s Day. I used to think President’s Day was cool until some dick with a dead animal on his head and orange skin ruined it.
23. Pick one, IOS or Android? Android, FTW!
24. Pick one, kill or be killed? No! You can’t make me!
25. Pick one, meat or fish? I mean, fish are living creatures, so shouldn’t their flesh be considered meat?

News: I have completed a rough draft of my novel! I’m going through my first edit currently. Yay!

Query: What news do you have, meatbag?